A short Story

I wrote a short scene/story thing about my D and D character, Aidan Tarius MIGHTY WARRIOR.

I have this posted in the role play forum, but after a paucity of replies, I choose to believe that no one reads that forum and thats the reason for the lack of comments, rather than it being shit

Here it is (again):

"Who the hell are you?" came the question.

Aidan looked round from his seat on the bar and brought into view a trio of ragged men.

"Well?" demanded the leader, "Who are you and what's your business here?"

Aidan stood up to his full height.

"That's none of your business, friend" he said staring fiercely into the eyes of the man, "Now why don't you run along and leave me to enjoy my drink?"

The man baulked under the intensity of the stare, but managed to rally himself.

"I don't like you, stranger!" he snapped, "Now, you give us some of that fancy dan stuff you got on you, and we might let you walk out of here alive"

Aidan smiled.

"I have a counter proposal for you. You leave me in peace and I'll let YOU walk out of here alive"

The man began to laugh.

"I think you're a mite outnumbered, stranger! You're a cocky son of a bitch though! Going to have to teach you some manners!" the man cackled.

He was still cackling as Aidans fist slammed into his nose, a satisfying crunch indicating that it was broken.

He was howling in pain as Aidans sandled foot crashed into his chest sending him tumbling to the floor.

Aidan was scarcely aware of what he was doing at this point, his natural instincts taking over and dictating his actions. He yanked his short sword from its scabbard and swung wildly at the second man who had rushed forward to avenge his stricken companion.

The sword slashed across the mans face, claiming his right eye and slicing through to the bone. It was a much better result than the hasty swing had merited, but Aidan possessed an arrogant confidence that enabled him to believe it was his own superior ability that had left the second man a ball of agony clutching his bloody face, rather than mere luck.

Aidan stepped slowly backwards, evaluating the situation. The final man was doing the same, his own sword levelled towards Aidan as he eyed up his oponent. The first man staggered to his feet, and turned to look at Aidan, his hand clasped over his broken nose, blood pouring down his face.

"You son of a bitch!" the first man screamed, "I'll make sure you die for this!"

"I warned you" said Aidan angrily, "but you refused to listen. And now you will suffer for that mistake"

"Kill the bastard!" screamed the first man

The second man, aware of what had just happened to the other two, advanced warily. He kept his eyes trained on the tall, tanned man looking for an opportunity to strike.

The two cricled each other slowly.

"Come on, attack!" goaded Aidan, flashing his sword forward. The man parried easily and made a small lunge of his own. Both men were testing the other, looking for a way in.

"You stupid bastard" taunted Aidan, "You ugly son of a goat, you couldn't beat a child. You useless piece of shit!" he spat.

The man growled in anger and dived forward, hoping to spear his sword into Aidan's belly. Adian took a quick step back and slashed his sword down on his unbalanced attacker, drawing blood from his arm.

The man screamed in rage and abandoned his earlier attempts at caution, instead coming at Aidan in a murderous anger, his sword swinging wildly.

Aidan desperately parried the blows as he was edged backwards in the face of the mans anger, unable to do anything except block the his attacks.

The sound of the swords clashing rang through the tavern.

And then Aidan made a mistake.

As he edged backwards, his foot caught on a raised stone, sending him tumbling to the ground.

He gave a yelp of despair as he fell, and his attacker bellowed in victory as he lunged forward to strike the killing blow.

The attacker realised too late that Aidan had not fallen at all, but had tricked him into commiting himself. He tried to stop his momentum, but it was too late. His bellow turned into a scream of pain as Aidan's upthrusting sword pierced his belly.

Aidan grunted as he pushed the man to the floor and pulled his sword free from the suction of the mans guts. He brought the sword down again on the mans throat and silenced his cries.

The tavern was now deadly silent, save for the whimpers of the man who had lost his eye.

"And now, friend, we shall finish this" Aidan growled at the first man, "I hope your soul is prepared for whatever hell you believe in"

He began to stalk towards the first man, who was desperately searching for a way out. Unfortunately for him, Aidan was between him and the door.

"I can see I made a mistake!" he cried, "I was wrong, but, that's us even now! I've learned my lesson!" he screeched.

"Pull your sword and die like a man" said the advancing Aidan, "or would you rather die screaming like a woman?"

The man desperatly pulled his own weapon and held it towards the wild haired man.

He had killed many men in the past, and was competent with a sword, but the pain from his broken nose was almost unbearable, and he was still slightly winded from the kick to the chest.

And he was aware that he had misjudged the situation badly. Aidan was not some stupid traveller, but a trained killer.

Aidan advanced slowly, keeping his blood drenched sword levelled at his opponent. The man tried to block the pain from his nose and keep his focus on the approaching warrior.

Suddenly, Aidan's sword flashed and there was blood pouring from the mans chest, but the weapon caused no real damage other than a cut through the mans skin.

"Scum!" spat Aidan, "Thieving, bullying scum! You are a man without honour!" he said, arcing the sword towards the man who made a desperate parry. "You are going to suffer greatly for your mistake!"

The man made a desperate dive towards Aidan, hoping the sudden momentum would catch him off gaurd, but Aidan had been ready. He sliced the sword across the mans face, causing blood to pour from the opened gash. As the man stumbled to the ground in agony, he brought his foot into heavy contact with the already broken nose, causing an almighty bellow of pain.

"You piece of shit!" shouted Aidan at the blood soaked figure. He watched as the man rolled about on the floor, judged his moment, and plunged his sword into the the wretched thiefs stomach.

The man made a strange mewing noise as the blood bubbled over the impaled sword. Aidan looked down on him with a look of disgust.

"I would grant a more honourable man a quick death" he said, "but you, you shall die in agony". Aidan placed his foot on the mans chest and heaved his sword free.

He walked away from the dying thief and back to his place at the bar, pausing to give a swift kick to the man who had lost his eye. He at least would live.

"Barkeep" said Aidan, "I apologise for the... mess. I will settle my bill, retrieve the rest of my belongings and be on my way. And perhaps, people will be more welcoming of strangers in future" he smiled, "Now, good evening to you"

I already posted why you didn't get any comments!
Besides what I told you already, I actually think it reads more an introduction scene than a short story as such. See, that's what you get from me for making me look at it a second time. I'm getting more and more critical.

(By the way, doesn't the board have that function where you can tell how many people viewed you story/post/thread?
*checks*
Yes it does!)