Well, after a lengthy hiatus I'm back to writing boardfic! I've had this idea brewing for a little while and I hope it goes in a good direction. Read. Comment. Enjoy! ** [u:f67aaf706d]Boardanian Typos: A comedic account of the lives of the staff of the Boardanian Times Newspaper and the adventures they partake in. [/u:f67aaf706d] [b:f67aaf706d]Part One: Why Don’t You Get A Job?[/b:f67aaf706d] [i:f67aaf706d]WantEd!! New assiftant Editor for The Boardanian times Newspaper, offices located Nomber 12, Slim Alley, Boardania City S2. Muft be willing to partifcipate in field work, offifce work and frequent animal feedings. No hexperience required. Apply within. Afk for Buzzfloyd. [color=red:f67aaf706d]NOTE[/color:f67aaf706d]: The Boardanian times does not discriminate based upon gender, race, color, species, intelligence, religion, life expectancy, lack of life at all, weight, attractiveness, political viewpoint, sexual preference[color=blue:f67aaf706d]*[/color:f67aaf706d] or smell.[color=darkblue:f67aaf706d]**[/color:f67aaf706d] [color=blue:f67aaf706d]*This includes farm animals and inanimate objects. [/color:f67aaf706d] [color=darkblue:f67aaf706d]**If we choose not to hire you it will be because peat moss could do a better reporting job than you. So don’t go making excuses based on something as irrelevant as the fact that you are frequently intimate with sheep. Believe us, you would not be an anomaly. [/color:f67aaf706d] -- THE EDITOR[/i:f67aaf706d] * Katcal squinted at the small, crumpled newspaper clipping she held in her hand, trying to read the poorly typed advertisement through the pouring rain. She could hear the drainpipes of the houses surrounding her groaning under the weight of the downpour and her new shoes were soaked through. Her decrepit black umbrella had become useless in the watery deluge. It was a bad day for a job interview, but some things just couldn’t be put off if you wanted to remain in your current residence with the means of having real meat for dinner. She took a deep breath and stuffed the crumpled piece of paper back into her pocket. “Here goes nothing.” She muttered, and with that she stepped through the revolving doors into the offices of The Boardanian Times. * “So,” the woman behind the immaculately tidy desk held Katcal’s rather damp resume in one hand and a cup of hot tea in the other. “You’d like to work here?” Katcal, shivering in her damp clothes, nodded. “V-very m-much so.” The woman put her tea down and studied Katcal absently. After a moment she blinked. “Goodness, where are my manners. Cup of tea? You look positively sodden!” Katcal resisted the urge to sneeze violently. “Y-yes please.” The woman reached over to her phone and tapped one of the buttons. After a pause she spoke into it briskly. “CJ? Are you busy? No? Good. Can you run down to the breakroom and get Fairy to whip up another pot of tea? I’m interviewing someone and we’re both a tad thirsty.” A pause. “You just said you weren’t busy.” Another pause. “That doesn’t count as being busy, Cyn is perfectly capable of selecting photographs on his own.” Yet another pause. “Because he’s a grown man, you silly infant!” A sigh. “Just hurry it up and bring the pot in when it’s ready.” She put the phone down. “Sorry about that. CJ is our new intern from the local university. He’s a bit odd.” Katcal nodded, not knowing how else to respond to such a comment. “Anyway,” the woman stuck out a hand across her desk. Katcal presented her hand cautiously and had it shook vigorously. “I think you have all the credentials necessary to join our staff. Welcome aboard, Miss…?” “Katcal.” Katcal said. “I’m Buzzfloyd.” Buzzfloyd responded, releasing Katcal’s captive hand. “I’m the General Secretary and Grammar Nazi of the paper.” Katcal blinked. “Grammar Nazi?” Buzzfloyd laughed. “Oh, just a fun little nickname I’ve gained over the years. I can’t stand incorrect grammar so none of the pages get published without me checking them over first.” “Ah.” Katcal nodded again. “Um, out of curiosity, how do you know I’m right for the position? You didn’t really ask me any questions.” Buzzfloyd shrugged. “Well, you can read, you can write and you aren’t allergic to monkeys. Those are pretty much the only requirements at the moment for a position here. You’ll obviously start off low in the staff hierarchy, but not as low as an intern, don’t worry.” Buzzfloyd smiled wryly. “You’ll be paid according to the quality of your articles and other staff work you have to do.” Katcal nodded slowly, still shivering slightly. “Okay.” Buzzfloyd turned to a file and began leafing through it. “I think we’ll make you an assistant to one of our editors. Most of your work will be proofreading and running for things – you know, coffee, tea, whisky, whatever your editor is in the mood for – though feel free to get CJ to do that, he’s the intern and it’s what he does best.” As if on cue CJ knocked on the door and wheeled in a small trolley that held a pot of steaming hot tea and a small plate of biscuits. He was a tall youth who looked to be barely out of puberty, his chin without whisker and his face still not cleared of the standard-issue acne. He placed the pot on Buzzfloyd’s desk and handed Katcal a cup and saucer. “Thank you CJ.” Buzzfloyd said, and the boy wheeled the trolley backwards out of the room. As he left Buzzfloyd reached out and poured Katcal a cup of tea. “There you go dear.” She said as Katcal held the cup, greedily basking in the heat of the liquid. “Now, I think we should try to give you a position that coincides with your interests. What are you interested in?” Katcal thought for a moment. “Well, I guess I like to watch movies.” Buzzfloyd smiled. “Then we can give you the spot of assistant Entertainment Editor.” She penciled in a note on a calendar lying on her desk. “Now, can you start right away? I can take you around and give you a tour of the facility. You’ll get to meet some of your fellow staff members too.” Katcal shrugged. “Sure.” Buzzfloyd stood up. She was dressed as well as her desk was clean. “Then follow me and I’ll show you around.” Katcal stood up too and followed the secretary out of the room. As she did she vaguely wondered about Buzzfloyd’s previous comment about how it was important she was not allergic to monkeys. After all, when would a local newspaper need to interact with monkeys during office hours? ** More to follow soon.
This should be interesting. And CJ is the awesomest intern ever. I think, really, like, all things considered...and stuff...er...you could possibly consider...I mean, if you want to, obviously...maybe kind of just...on a rainy day perhaps...you know, write... More.
Apart from the crappy intern, that's a good start. I look forward to the inevitable moment when you will* post More.** * note the rabid hounds that will be released if you don't ** no pressure
Yay, I'm a heroine and I've got a job already !! (Although whether I get heroine is yet to be mentioned ! ) I'm impatient to read the coming episodes, Hex **dripping wet**
[quote:038e093f34="Hex"][color=darkblue:038e093f34]**If we choose not to hire you it will be because peat moss could do a better reporting job than you. So don’t go making excuses based on something as irrelevant as the fact that you are frequently intimate with sheep. Believe us, you would not be an anomaly. [/color:038e093f34] [/quote:038e093f34] Hooray, a good boardfic that I've managed to catch at the start! This promises to be most amusing, Hex.
A fresh new update. [b:0affc410ed]Part Two: It Saves On Wallpaper Anyway[/b:0affc410ed] The basement was dark and smelled faintly of old socks and shaving cream. It was furnished sparsely with an oak table surrounded by rickety wooden chairs. A lonely candle burned at the head of the table and the shadows bounced eerily off the walls, walls that were covered with newspaper clippings. The entire basement might as well have been wallpapered with articles from The Boardanian Times. There was a man darting around the room as if performing a strange manic dance. He held a thick black felt tipped pen in his hand and as he danced he occasionally circled one of the articles pasted on his wall. After a few more minutes of manic dancing the man sat down at the head of the table and began drawing a diagram with his pen on a sheet of white paper. He was muttering to himself as he worked and his frantic eyes darted to and fro across the page. “Soon…” he was muttering. “Soon, we will make our move… The Order of the Spoon will commence in their master plans… sabotage those pretentious fools and their precious paper.” He chuckled and his eyes filled with a crazed light. Yes… I will have my revenge! Bwahaha!” He laughed loudly, the noise echoing around the room. “Rinso!” a voice drifted down from upstairs. “Are you there?” The man stopped his laughter abruptly and scowled. “Damn roommates.” He muttered, blowing out the candle and standing up in the sudden darkness. “What do you want Kenny, you interfering sod?” He yelled as he walked towards the stairs. As he did so he walked right into the edge of the table. He fell to the floor with a loud ‘thud’ and the casual eavesdropper would have heard him say something that sounded like “monkeynuts!” “Rinso?” Came the disembodied voice of Kenny. “Are you all right? I was only wanting to know if you were having another one of your meetings in the basement tonight, because if you are I can make some extra cream puffs for your friends!” Rinso stood up and cursed under his breath repeatedly. “Just bugger off you nosy turd!” he yelled. “Stop making your damned cream puffs and go out and get drunk like a normal man!” There was silence for a moment as Kenny pondered this. Rinso went back to his seat and lit the candle again. After a moment Kenny’s voice wafted down from the stairwell, causing Rinso to groan and bang his head on the table in despair. “Do you want the cream puffs I’ve already made? Only they go bad if you leave the house and they just sit there.” ** More to follow soon.
*gasp* A Boardfic! and I've cought the begginginginginginginging (I am duely aware of the over use of 'ing's and will soon get onto finding the corect number of 'ing's to use) of it! Of course if you want someone to take the piss out of, beat around, give the smelly jobs and/or generally degrade feel free to use me... please?
The plot / cream thickens! I'm waiting with bated breath to find out how those cream puffs eventually save the day. Cos you know they will, any story that blatantly mentions an inocuous object at the start means that said object will be important to the story line...
[quote:10a35524c9="spiky"]The plot / cream thickens! I'm waiting with bated breath to find out how those cream puffs eventually save the day. Cos you know they will, any story that blatantly mentions an inocuous object at the start means that said object will be important to the story line...[/quote:10a35524c9] Thanks Spiky, now I feel obliged to make the cream puffs relevant at some point in this story. Curse you! And fairy, these are cream puffs. Delicious-looking aren't they? Edit to fix the blasted link. Grar. Twice. Grar Grar.
To further pursue the hi-jack, and maybe add to character background, I am actually quite good at making cream puffs. Here they are called "chouquettes" [shoe-kett] which is an even more cutesy-sounding name. But who cares what the name is, they're bloody tasty
[quote:0842e476f9="Hex"] And fairy, these are cream puffs. Delicious-looking aren't they? [/quote:0842e476f9] Now I am seriously hungry .
Good one HEX, can you hear the crowd? *WE WANT MORE. WE WANT MORE* pleeeeeaaaasssse don't leave it as long as the wonderful Ben did!!! Keep it up girl!
I'm a little late to respond, but the second instalment was just as enjoyable as the first! The final line about the cream puffs made me laugh.
