At last, a return to the poetry challenge! For my writing group, I have recently been trying out different poetic forms, such as a villanelle, a sestina, a rondeau redouble (which I have yet to complete) and so on. Hence the theme for this challenge: [b:490e8b917a]Write a pantoume![/b:490e8b917a] The subject, length and meter are up to you, but the poem must follow the pantoume form, which is described below. [list:490e8b917a]Each stanza is four lines long, with the first and third lines rhyming, and the second and fourth lines rhyming. The second and fourth lines of each stanza become the first and third lines of the next. The final stanza takes the second and fourth lines of the previous stanza as its first and third lines, as usual. But instead of new lines for the second and fourth, the [i:490e8b917a]third[/i:490e8b917a] and [i:490e8b917a]first[/i:490e8b917a] lines of the first stanza become the [i:490e8b917a]second[/i:490e8b917a] and [i:490e8b917a]fourth[/i:490e8b917a] lines, respectively, of the last stanza.[/list:u:490e8b917a] For example: This poem is an example; It shows how to write a pantoume. It's just a little sample, And I don't have much room. It shows how to write a pantoume. It really isn't that hard, And I don't have much room For acting the bard. It really isn't that hard. It's just a little sample, For acting the bard: This poem is an example. After whatever I deem to be a suitable amount of time, there will be the judging, possibly with GUEST JUDGES! The prize for the winner will be an avatar drawn by me, a place on the Buzzfloyd Role of Honour and an appearance in a tripod written by Garner (artist TBA).
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rhum, Floating 'round on a dead calm sea, Faithful is my parrot chum, A daring pirate's life for me ! Floating 'round on a dead calm sea, Upon the finest ship of all, A daring pirate's life for me, And from that plank I'll take no fall ! Upon the finest ship of all, Faithful is my parrot chum, And from that plank I'll take no fall, Yo ho ho and a bottle of rhum ! (Theme ? What theme ? )
Excellent! Thanks, Katcal. I should add, there is no limit to entries (unless someone floods the competition to the point where I decide there is a limit). Also, in case I wasn't clear with my example above, you can have as many stanzas as you like - it's only the last one that takes the unused lines from the first verse again.
One week til vacation I hope the weather will hold Not a unique expectation At least that's what I'm told I hope the weather will hold Like summers before At least that's what I'm told In the memories I explore Like summers before Barefoot on grass In the memories I explore How days seem to pass Barefoot on grass Not a unique expectation How days seem to pass One week til vacation
I was just thinking that with non-Brits doing so well, the Brits will really need to pull their fingers out!
Posting this for Roman, due to his inability to have proper net access: [quote:5dbd309b04="Roman"]I saw a shooting star today, t'was blazing in the sky. Just straying out of way, to quickly blaze and die. T'was blazing in the sky, a second sun, so small. To quickly blaze and die, so brilliant and tall. A second sun, so small, but a speck in the forlorn. So brilliant and tall, bringing light to darkest morn. But a speck in the forlorn, and yet my spirit it lifts high. Bringing light to darkest morn, from deep ravine to highest sky. Just straying out of way, but a speck in the forlorn. I saw a shooting star today, bringing light to darkest morn.[/quote:5dbd309b04]
wait... hang on... wasn't it first and third from the first verse as the copied lines in the final verse? or the second and eightth in the bottom of the ninth? two outs and the bases loaded? fuck, i'm confused. all i know is roman probably got it wrong. and t'was isn't a word.
I just wanted to say I enjoy these kinds of topic, even though I can't come up with anything due to being hardly able to understand the description. I'll try, but just for the case nothing comes from it, I wanted to say so.
Thanks! I enjoy them too. I'm considering leaving this challenge open till Coppe gets back, since he is the current reigning champion. I thought it would be fair to let him defend his title.
[quote:05c13fe523="Buzzfloyd"]Great work, Roman! A lot of really strong imagery there. [/quote:05c13fe523] Thanks, Grace.
OK I read this and loved the idea. I've written a few poems and I gave this a try. I don't think mines as good as the captains (that's my favourite at the moment) but I am quit proud of how this came out. so here it is: I’m chasing ghosts And getting nowhere fast As I walk by the coast As I think of the past And getting nowhere fast I think of my dreams As I think of the past I hear the screams I think of my dreams As I walk by the coast I hear screams I’m chasing ghosts That's just a little idea, I may expand on it later but I really liked the last stanza. Sorry if it's a little morose, typical-teen syndrome.
I like that one a lot, Dane! Yeah, the best stanzas of all these pantoumes seems to be the last one, I reckon it's kinda built in to the poetic form. I got the idea to write a pantoume with only one word per line, so that each stanza would be one sentance long, but it really didn't make any sense.
It is harder than you think, Thats a really cool idea though KK. I wrote another but it didn't quite work. so I attempted a happy one, it worked surpriseingly well... alrhough it still has... eer, [i:2f56c2baf8]unhappy[/i:2f56c2baf8] undertones :roll: I can't seem to escape it. anywho I liked this one: Running through fields And playing with sticks Bumping into force fields To get our simple kicks And playing with sticks We have mud on our faces To get our simple kicks We hate our suitcases We have mud on our faces We’ve just finished teething We hate suitcases It means our friends are leaving We’ve just finished teething We never want to grow up It means our friends are leaving We don’t want to get stuck We never want to grow up Bumping into force fields We don’t want to get stuck Running through fields
Thanks, Dane! Those are both very good submissions. [quote:9e2a2c93c4="QuothTheRaven"]Aww, it is no fun when you have to make things rhyme.[/quote:9e2a2c93c4] Personally, I think it adds to the fun. I enjoy the challenge of having to fit within certain rules. It also forces you to be disciplined which often makes your writing better over time. Freeform poetry allows you to waffle.
If it helps, there are several good rhyming dictionaries available free online - just Google 'rhyming dictionary'.
I am not much of a poet I really don't have the time It is a good thing that I know it That's probably why I can't rhyme I really don't have the time Insomnia isn't so grand That's probably why I can't rhyme And why the meter is bland Insomnia isn't so grand It is a good thing that I know it and why the meter is bland I am not much of a poet ------------------------------------------------------------- I am really not much of a poet I can't justify the time After this you all will know it By the terrible rhythm and rhyme I can't justify the time Especially not to myself By the terrible rhythm and rhyme It's no good for my health Especially not to myself After this you all will know it It's no good for my health I am really not much of a poet - I did have a better one while dozing last night, but it disappeared into oblivion with sleep...
Ok this is really crud and I hope you don't mind me joining in, but here is mine As Death walked slowly by me On a long cold winters night “Looks like rain” he whispered as he Pointed with ghostly delight On a long cold winters night I had met Death stare and couldn’t hide I could barely contain my fright “It’s not my time” I cried I had met Deaths stare and couldn’t hide He sighed “It’s not so bad, you’ll see” I looked back to see how I died As Death looked back quietly at me He sighed “It’s not so bad, you’ll see” But I was wondering what that will be Death smiled “Perhaps go and have a cup of tea” As Death walked slowly by me.
[quote:ed8bb7d068="Buzzfloyd"]If it helps, there are several good rhyming dictionaries available free online - just Google 'rhyming dictionary'.[/quote:ed8bb7d068] Cheater!!
Haha I'd like to add my mediocre poetry to the pile. This was actually easier then I thought it would be. What can I say, I'm a sap. He said, "I think I'm in love with you." I asked him, "How do you know?" He said, "I don't know why I do, But somehow -- when you sit just so --" I asked him, "How do you know? Why do you say those things?" "But somehow -- when you sit just so -- My heart takes flight, my soul has wings --" "Why do you say those things?" He said, "I don't know why I do, My heart takes flight, my soul has wings --" He said, "I think I'm in love with you."
[quote:a8883f287f="OmKranti"][quote:a8883f287f="Buzzfloyd"]If it helps, there are several good rhyming dictionaries available free online - just Google 'rhyming dictionary'.[/quote:a8883f287f] Cheater!![/quote:a8883f287f] Yeah ! I was going to say that too ! Nice poems everyone, I like the last one best allthatjazz, very sweet... Edited because people don't write poels...
Good work, Allthatjazz! Thank you. Denmother, I also liked your poem, and thanks for contributing - unfortunately, though, the poem didn't match the pantoume form! See the first post in the thread to get the form. I hope you'll write another one using it!
I so didnt think I could do this, but at least this fits the structural targets. It was written in a maudlin mood (like you can't tell!) I think , sortof strangely, Its the little things I'll miss, Like, every time you see me, You give me a hello kiss. Its the little things I'll miss, the way you shake your hair, You give me a hello kiss, It shows me that you care. The way you shake your hair, The way you stare at me, It shows me that you care, just the small things, really. The way you stare at me, Like, every time you see me, just the small things, really, I think, sortof strangely.
[quote:6642b42620="Buzzfloyd"]Thanks! I enjoy them too. I'm considering leaving this challenge open till Coppe gets back, since he is the current reigning champion. I thought it would be fair to let him defend his title.[/quote:6642b42620] Wow... that means a lot to me, thanks. I will get right on it!
My attempt, first time I've tried a pantoume, hope it isn't too bad. [b:2eb4f9bb02]The Currents[/b:2eb4f9bb02] [i:2eb4f9bb02]Half-submerged, the river seems alien and vast. I find the echoes of my ancestry In the currents; gentle tugs that steered my past. They make intimate that anonimity. I find the echoes of my ancestry, Of men who mastered water, moulded peat; Who made intimate their anonimity, In the sand, beaten into paths for my feet. Men who mastered water, moulded peat, My arms pursue and mimic their connection With the sand. Beaten into paths by my feet The tide engulfs my moments of reflection. My arms pursue and mimic my connection With the currents; gentle tugs that steered my past. The tide engulfs my moments of reflection. Half-submerged, the river seems alien and vast.[/i:2eb4f9bb02]
Wrote a second poem today: [i:1ed895abba]Red-tiled roof, old wood-panel walls, wilting summer grass, black as midnight sky. We watch the clock slice time, as the hatchet falls, moving to and fro, from bitter to the dry. Wilting summer grass, black as midnight sky, obscured from past and future, present we have none. Moving to and fro, from bitter to the dry, sought life everlasting, now our travesty is done. Obscured from past and future, present we have none, we scream into eternity, yet no one answers back. Sought life everlasting, now our travesty is done, No home left to return to, too far's the beaten track. We scream into eternity, yet no one answers back, we watch the clock slice time, as the hatchet falls. No home left to return to, too far's the beaten track, red tiled roof, old wood-panel walls. [/i:1ed895abba]
Great work, guys! I can see judging this is going to be really hard. I'll leave the competition open until Friday.
[quote:81190ae66d]It doesn't quite work out I'm afraid, but I'll still post it... [/quote:81190ae66d] Descent We found her on the way down to the base When a storm caught us on our way back I remember her strangely pearly white face And her eyes were so huge and black When a storm caught us on our way back We could not afford to loose time And her eyes were so huge and black Or have any weight slow our climb We could not afford to loose time Like her comrades, we had no choice Or have any weight slow our climb I remember a fainting voice Like her comrades, we had no choice "Please don't leave me too... Come back..." I remember a fainting voice Which got quickly lost down the track.
Haha !! Grace, thou art foiled ! Now we know you are Snails' secret identity... Though how you manage to date both Garner and Doors simultaneously at opposite ends of the country is something of a superpower
Huh. I'm sure my track record with this sort of thing leaves no one truly surprised at my tardiness. I'll post by the end of the tonight with a judgement, how's that?
Desert weather can be surprisingly unpredictable, actually. Just when you get used to baking dry heat, the oceans go and rise and you drown.
Dammit. OK, I'm going to make this thread into a poll. Then, if I disagree with the result, I'll decide the winner.
All hail Buzzfloyd's diplomatic skills! Suggestion: There could be two polls, one to sort out the majority of the works, and another one, in a new thread, to let people vote on, say, two to four of the poems. Otherwise, we'll have a lot of poems with one or two votes, and the "outstanding" winners with four or five will feel very unsatisfied. Just an idea...
Well, if only I'd seen your post before putting up the poll, I could have taken on board your sensible suggestion, Hsing! There were too many poems for poll options, so for those who had more than one entry (Roman, Dane, Dave), I chose my preferred ones.
**sigh** typical, now we have to go back and read them all again... or just be lazy and each vote for ourselves...
Well, I voted for Jazz's love poem. Very few of the poems actually followed the stanza, and I refuse to vote for someone not playing by the rules. ;-) CY would probably have gotten my vote if I had understood what the hell he was going on about.
[quote:ab285e5c25="KaptenKaries"]CY would probably have gotten my vote if I had understood what the hell he was going on about.[/quote:ab285e5c25] Heh. It's a problem I encounter more often, sadly. I'm trying to work on it!
KK, I'm not sure what you mean. All except two exactly followed the rules for a pantoume, neither of which is included in the poll.
Hsing failed to reuse the first and third line from her first verse in her last verse. CY was a bit liberal in his reuse, he changed an "In" to "With" at some point. Not a big deal. Dane changed "We hate our suitcases" to "We hate suitcases", which made the line fit better the second time around. Not a big deal either. Oh, and CY, I'm not implying that you're the reason I didn't understand your poem. Most people here seem to get it, it's probably me that's a bit slow.
Hsing's descent, although a nice poem didn't quite follow the Pantoume rules, she even said so when posting it I think I'll go for jazz's love poem too, I'm in that kind of mood... Although I likes Angua's too...
[quote:35e1fc9e57="KaptenKaries"]CY was a bit liberal in his reuse, he changed an "In" to "With" at some point. Not a big deal. Oh, and CY, I'm not implying that you're the reason I didn't understand your poem. Most people here seem to get it, it's probably me that's a bit slow. [/quote:35e1fc9e57] Yeah, I was quite liberal in my use of the form. It was really intentional. I haven't worked with pantoumes often and I thought putting images in different contexts and playing with how they work grammatically by changing a word would be a good place to start. I think it is likely it is my poetry. It is a response I get often and my images can be a bit difficult to follow.
ok just cought up on this thread, I'm amazed mine got more than one vote. Thankyou whoever voted for me. I'm going to read the poems again and vote for my favourite. I havn't been active in a wile (Moveing and such) so i have a bit of catching up to do.
I voted for CY's poem. It was a bit difficult to get into, I must say, but once I did I liked it very much.
And, after far too long, I declare the winner to be... Allthatjazz! Allthatjazz, you win an avatar drawn by me, a place on the Buzzfloyd Role of Honour and an appearance in a tripod written by Garner (artist TBA). The Buzzfloyd Role of Honour entries for Poet Garnerate currently stand thus: Cynical_Youth Allthatjazz Please PM me your preferences for an avatar and I shall draw you one forthwith!
