**Loads the Kat-apult with a large hard Edam and aims it at Joculator, after having booby trapped the entrance to her lair with Corsican Stinkers** Ok, dude, if that's the way you want to play it, then let's play !
Backhands camembert, using a large wedge of specially dried and hardened parmesan and insulting disregard to capital 'c'. Sharpens edges of pre-sliced gruyere to use as shurikens in case of trouble...nah, nah, nee, nah, nah Master class Oki Doki! Beware my bombardiers are loaded with ballistic Wensleydales which crumble on impact over a wide area... [evil laugh]
Cheddar should not be wasted on cheese wars, it is the supreme cheese of all cheeses. **hands Grace a large box full of stinky Frech goats' cheese, and lobs the top one at Joculator**
I must say my favourite cheese is Halloumi, because it behaves so differently compared to other cheeses. I refuse to throw around any kind of cheese though, because it is an excellent food type and I'd rather keep them for myself.
Hah! The goat's cheese has landed in the ashes of my cooking fire and is rendered harmless. Yummy Lights the wax coating of several packs of Baby Bels and aims a fusilade at the Kat-apult... Prepares Inter Continental Ballistic Mozarella for launch.
Baby bels aren't cheese !!!! Pah !! Any minute now we'll be spraying cheese-in-a-can on each other !! Kids these days, I tells ya...
Cheese in a can? C'mon, I do respect the rules. I suppose there's no truth in the rumours that you lash your POW's with bundles of cheese string? It's just not cricket!
Sorry about that - Prisoners of War. Can't allow cheese cricket. We always lose no matter how its played and besides, the 1983 Gouda Convention banned the use of cheese balls for pleasure or acts of war! -+- Checks wind direction and removes cover from ripe Stilton -+- Fumes rush towards Katcal's lair. Gnh, gnh, gnh, chemical warfare!
**Responds with a 1994 Roquefort with reinforcements of ripe Brie (the kind that walks away if you don't tie it down)** Prisoners ? I take no prisoners
Noooo! Not the ripe Brie. I've tangled with that before... it's..it's...inhuman! :shock: Sends a squadron of quiches loaded with sweating, and highly unstable, truckles of Caerphilly. Dodge that...if you can!
<-- stands on the sidelines with mouth open, hoping for a stray lump of Gouda. Mmmmm, Gouda! (known in my family as "the TASTY cheese")
Waves a whole Gouda at Mowgli to see if I can tempt an alliance. It comes with a whole box of unripe, mini Cheshire cheeses to throw at others.
*disgusted with the rampant waste of good cheese* **sends in nuclear warhead of Gorgonzola to wipe all cheese wasters off the map**
::sits in corner, puts in nose plugs, hazmat suit, gets the special thongs and opens the airtight container of "Epoisses de Bourgogne"*:: Or is chemical warfare prohibited? * This cheese is "reputedly banned from public transport in France" according to these guys
Damn, there goes my secret mix of Epoisses de Bourgogne and the English cheese Stinking Bishop. Both apparently smell like a mixture of old socks and wet towels and yes, I've also seen mention that the French cheese is banned on public transport. -+- Goes back to planting Sage Derby landmines in no man's land -+- :evil:
I think Tephlon is correct. When I said 'smell like old socks and damp towels', I was trying to avoid the line... smell like a locker room laundry basket. edir: Now you can see why it's banned in public.
Look, if Teph feels like wearing his special thong to handle cheese, that's his own business, and none of us should look down on him for this, it's a (nearly) free world. Epoisse is really stinky, although so few people actually eat it that in my instant froggy opinion poll (thanks msn !) no-one had even heard of it, let alone knowing it was banned anywhere. Must be a generation thing. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. **loads fragmentation bombs of cream cheese - smell-less but sticky - into the Kat-apult**
Why would a cheese s that's so stinky be invented? To mask the scent of garlic? (another low hit involving social stereotyping :shock: ) -+- Throws a whole Edam towards Kat-apult (with short length of suspicious, fizzling string attached) -+- Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! :lol: I think this damn helmet is affecting my brain.
Don´t judge my choice of clothing*, you know how hot it gets in a hazmat suit? * australian thongs... Aka flip flops
*sides with Kat as she is needed for future pillow fights* Loads 12 bore shot gun with low fat Tescos own brand cheese (its a bugger being on a diet AND a budget) and takes aim at Jockulator.
I believe you typoed "Jockulator" just to fit in with the thong theme, didn't you honey **Fills a pillowcase with parmesan chippings and whacks Teph with it**
Damn it Kat, you know me far too well. I was hoping someone would take a while to spot that! Well if he is going to take the mickey out of peoples grundies the least i can do is take the mick out of his name, don't you think! *says sod it to the budget (but not the diet) and throws a ball of flaming low fat Camanbert (spelling, sorry Grace) at jocks england flag!* and yes i think the mis-spelling of his name suits him. LOL i will be using it for ever and always now!
Ahh, the old 'sticks and stones', Mizzy! Ooops, was that a typo? I think not I've got to be honest here, I don't know what 'grundies' are, so I wouldn't dare take the mickey out of them -+- Fills old garden spray with softened Feta, attaches candle to nozzle and aims imrovised flame thrower in general direction of the 'Allied Oppressors' -+- -+- Sends medical team armed with plate of bolognese to extract parmesan shrapnel from vicinity of Tephlon -+-
As darkness falls a man can be seen walking slowly into the centre of the field carrying a flag . Most nations recognize the International Red Cross emblem and don't throw flaming balls of Camembert at it!!! This allows both sides to carry back sticky and cheese-burned survivors of the first assaults. Meanwhile in the English camp the sound of an accordion is heard... , together with a badly sung version of "Non, je ne regrette rien" in 'ze jokey, music hall style of ze French accent'. (Subliminal taunting!). Peace seems to descend on St. Ella's Day while the troops gather their strength for the morrow.... Then! With strong hearts and fresh vigour we will salute our foe with the cry... Remember Agincourt!
Erm, Joculator, old chap, I awoke to find myself under a huge pile of stilton. I wouldn't mind, but the blue veins have ruined my nice new cravate. You promised they wouldn't hurt me in here... :cry: Not worry, once I've dug the bodies up, the rest will make a great fondue.
*PLays a mild triple cream french brie to send the soldiers to sleep* Lulling them into a false sense of security before they are woken in the morning by a barrage of ballistic curds and weigh...
Tell you what, people, if I ever get around to organizing a Katcon here, I'll take you to a place near Toulouse where you can actually fire catapults and siege engines at a medieval fort Although I don't think they'll let us put cheese in it
....sound of approaching aircraft.... Run, and hide in your fort our highly decorated pilot, Charles Limburger, is flying his famous plane, the Odour of Saint Nasal, in your direction. -+- swoops low and sprays hot fondue over gathering crowd -+-
Now go away before I taunt you a second timeh. *stands on parapet with thumbs in ears and wiggles fingers*
-+- Tries to find (with trembling hands) an unripe ball of Pendragon* to drop on redneck -+- * buffalo cheese :?:
*sets fire to stupid Slimming world books for not being clear and runs to fondue, toast on spork in hand for a yummy treat* Sorry, i put on 2 pounds this week due to a few Slimming world book blunders, curses. *comfort eats all the fondue away ready for another days fighting*
** A cart arrives at the English gates loaded with tasty looking Baby-bels and a note saying "As a tribute of our good will, signed the (not) French !" and a piece of unidentified white cloth attached to the cart.**
Hah! As if a gift of 'almost' cheese wrapped in a torn off piece of French knicker leg will count as a surrender. We are now entrenched behind walls of Double Glucester. Even the English have trouble getting throught that! -+- Throws rotten tomatoes at front line of enemy with the message.... Make my Pizza -+-
* stalks nearer Kat's fort's back entrance, cunningly disguised as a somewhat large lawn ornament, hoping to gain access to all that delicious cheese stock before she stupidly throws it all away in The Food War to end all Food Wars *
**picks up any whole tomatos while waiting for the cries of pain when Jock's troops find out they were Booby- Bels, highly pungent corsican cheese wrapped in a thin layer of pseudo-cheese, just enough to stop the smell escaping until they are bitten into...**
Fortunately while we were trying to decipher the 'not French' note, a raven triggered the dastardly booby-trapped Baby-bel's, adding an impervious gunge to our otherwise impregnable gates of double layered, thick-sliced, wholemeal toast. -+- Showers the 'not French' front line with suspicious looking bay leaves right after shower of tomatoes -+- These 'not Frenchies' think they can cook any type of food... Let them try! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
I'm on Joculators side cuz he's the only one who responded to my favorite Silver Hoarder post. Loads the trebuchet with 100 year old sharpened mozarella cheese strings which are an affront to good cheese. (Though I still eat them anyway :lol: ) While taunting "your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries"
Welcome to the ranks, mr_scrub. You are promoted immediately to Cheese-grater General and are in charge of torturing any captured prisoners. Gnh, gnh, gnh! Grab a tin hat and a few cheese bombs to throw at those dastardly 'non French' Maybe if they start wondering where these cheesy smilies are coming from, their brains may melt just like their poor excuse for a cheese toastie. edit:re-spell word.
**loads hollowed-out gouda shells with the inkrediblyspicy tomato-suspiciousleaves-vindaloo-pimento-and-melted-cheese sauce she had been brewing up and launches the first one with the Kat-apult, straight at the Toast Gates.** You really should have stuck to cheese, Jock, no pune intended of course.
Gets in the "Joculatorian Cheese" a giant rolling seige cheese with spikes made of finest Gouda and rams the Not-French walls.
The Not French walls are made of toaster resistances and they will grill your giant gouda !!! HAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!
But that was just a distraction. Now thousands of rolling blue cheeses are scaling your walls intent on destruction. And your trenches are being flooded by melted Gouda.
You can't scale a toaster resistance wall, silly blue cheeses !!! even if you could, I have people at the top with giant fondue forks to poke them off. Ha ! And those who aren't busy poking off the non-scaling blue cheeses are dipping loaves in the moat full of melted gouda to feed the troops with it ! Ha !
Thanks to the distraction caused by my Cheese-grater General, we have managed to push 'un géant, cheval de fromage' (Translated so they know what it is) round to the side doors of the non French fort. An attached note says " A present from Bognor" -+- faint shhh'ing sounds can be heard -+- -+- This is, in fact a Genetically Modified cheese made by crossing Jarlsberg and Stilton -+-
You must be joking You don't really think we would be stupid enough to open our doors and even less our mouths to that thing !! We did say we weren't French (although the pic is cool ) **pelts the cheval with small hard 3-month-old local-made goat's milk cheeses, fired from a large cannon-like device.**
Hah! What I want to know is... how do you get a whole 3-month old goat's cheese into your mouths? Now we're starting to cook on charcoal !
The very fast-reproducing blue cheeses have gotten hold of rubber coated fondue forks and are prodding the toster resistance walls :!: :!: :!: Jock where do you get those cool emoticons :?:
