Gamehshow One Who wants to be rich and famous? CJ and I are re-starting the gameshow. Enrol if you like. We promise nothing, however. Not even fair scoring. The Ego Trim was CJ's brainchild, typical of his evilness. So put yourself up for scoring if ye dare. I, on the other hand, am quite genorous. And the aim isn't high scores... it's ... erm ... something else! Look at the first one for explanations and small print. Round One Awaits.
Er...yeah. We were excited and started it before we knew exactly what we were going to do. Talk amongst yourselves.
Gooood...lots of people. Just a quick note: you can join in at any stage, and you don't have to participate in every round. My co-host and I are just discussing how we're going to go about this first bit. :?
Round 1 - Invention. We're going to pair you up and make you invent things for each other, based on something you know about the person if you want (although it doesn't have to be). Your invention can be pretty much anything, but it has to be useful and something that will aid them in an everyday activity. The pairs so far: Toaf and sleepy_sarge. Doors and Hex. CY and Dane. So, for example, Toaf has to invent something for Sarge, and vice versa. Tephlon and Garner, not sure if you're playing or not, but if you are, you're paired. Anyone else who wants to play, just say and we'll pair you up. You may begin. Edit to add: Rinso, you'll have to wait.
I give my mighty and impressive beard a comb and a book of pictures of Confederate cavalry officers. My beard gives me natural insulation and pockets of food that i can chew out of my mustache for hours after my lunchbreak.
For Toaf, I invent the "BaPod Nano" which will play all her favourite music whenever she wants to hear it, interspersed with subliminal messages to prevent her straying towards the fold of certain *ahem* other churches.
*gasp!* Okay Beardie, I have a top secret mission for you... I need you to impersonate a woodchuck, stealthily make your way over to that BaPod, and destroy it!
Most Hostly Intervention: No beardly sabotage! If Beardie is caught impersonating a woodchuck with intent to destroy another members invention, points will be deducted. However, Beardie is welcome to impersonate a woodchuck, or any other animal, for the cause of general amusement. If he can do Deformed Rabbit, or The Rinso, then points may be awarded.
I fear that Beardie would need many hours at a barbers in order to become small, thin, and feable enough to pass himself off as The Rinso
hmmm it is a risky stratagem in any case...Just imagine if the beard should overhear any of the subliminal messages. The divine Beard converting to the Church of Ba? Now that would make a good Tripod strip!!
if anything else, it'd give us an excuse to correct ba's green beard. i know that had to show up when someone converted a file to or from gif to jpeg or bmp, but even tephlon used it in his color version of the 'boot sale' strip!
I invent for Rinso a "wee-to-beer" converter, a la Waterworld. You attach it to your shoe, then wait for the beery goodness to accumulate. Then you hold a beer bottle underneath (just to get rid of the wee association) and press a button. Voila - beer, with no memory of it ever been wee!
For Tephlon: I invented a chair and desk set that automatically conforms to his posterior and his particular sitting position. The chair comes with cup holders, a massage therapist, a back scratcher, and an cattle prod (for when he really should be working). As an added bonus, because he called in the last five minutes, I threw in the moniter adjuster and self-cleaning laser mouse. (That's a $75 value for only five installments of $19.99)
For sleepy_sarge, I have invented the Handy Sleep Facilitator Hologram Machine Thing, inspired by the recipient's member name. The HSFHMT is an essential for the discerning professional of holographic beds . It offers a wide variety of sleeping arrangements! Single beds, double beds, four-poster beds, seabeds, beds of nails, and flower beds. The holographic pillows offered by the HSFHMT are also widely recognized as the best holographic pillows and cushions you will find anywhere! Feather pillows, Winnie the Pooh pillows, and pincushions. And as a personalized touch, the Sleepy Music Machine has been incorporated in this limited edition version of the HSFHMT: a collection of the finest pieces by such talented sleep-inducing artists such as Enya, Sufjan Stevens and Brahms all in a cunningly disguised bedside alarm clock, which of course will never, ever ring to disturb the recipient's sleep.
For hex: THE PERSONAL TRANSPORTATION DEVICE FOR TRAVELLING A LONG WAY QUITE FAST So she can pop back and forward across the vast oceans to visit her boyfriend, Prince Charles, and see all her old friends and stuff. And still be back in time for school! Comes in a variety of colours.
For Dane, so his father and brother won't bother him again: Chain O' Command This fabulous new product consists of two collars and a remote control. The collars are of adjustable size and should fit anyone from a rebellious toddler to a senile parent. The remote control allows the client complete control over the collars in the form of a set of commands. These commands range from the relatively simple electrical shock to the complex workings of specific cerebral stimulation. Through careful and meticulous application of the commands the client should be able to train the bearer(s) to perform the most complex of tasks instantly and without protest. Our network maintains a wireless link between all collars and the appropriate remote control at all times. Brought to you by: EthicalScientists.com It's science, but responsible! Warning: EthicalScientists.com is not responsible for any problems that may arise after extensive use of this products such as permanent brain damage, incontinence, incarceration or strained family relations. Edit: stray italics
As I am not paired with anyone, I shall invent something for everyone. But first... *steals Dr Who's time machine* *travels back to the stone age* I have invented the wheel! *travels back to the current time* Boss: "Where have you been?" Me: "Toilet?" Boss: "Oh. That might explain the dirt on your shoes."
I'm so late and slow but if I can possibly walk in and play?? Invention for the world: Killing Time Machine - Ever wanted to make the day go quicker...Ever been so restless at night because you were so looking forward to the next day... Ever been stuck doing something because you were being paid to do it but what you really wanted to do was sit on the beach... Well look no more the Killing Time Machine will solve all your problems! The Killing Time Machine will follow you in your daily activities in a handy portable iPod looking device. When you find yourself in a situation that you want to be out of all you have to say is "kill", the Killing Time Machine will instantly jump up with axe in hand and start slicing and dicing time to a time and place where you want to be. The patented Killing Time Machine uses secret herbs and spices and a time clocky thingy to instantly and reliably kill time... What more could you want? Dial 1800-KILLTIME to order you very own Killing Time Machine today*! *Existence of machine inside box is not certain and only the opening of the box will determine the machines existence. If the machine completely fails to exist we take no responsibility and will probably sue you for damaging the box in the first place because you didn't read the warranty inside the box that says if you hurt the box all liability is forfeit and you're on your own with the existential uncertainty of the device...
Apologies for the delay. I just haven't had the time or the energy recently. Garner: 1 point. You gave no invention. Garner's Beard: 1 point. Same reason. Sleepy_sarge: 2 points. Brief, but amusing idea. Mowgli: 2 points for the adaptation of the Waterworld idea, -1 point because the outcome will be a dangerous amount of beer, and therefore a dangerously drunk Rinso. Redneck: 1 point for the idea, 1 point for the cattle prod, 1 point for the deliciously capitalist added bonus. Toaf: Such a variety of beds! :shock: Such a variety of pillows! Such a fancy name! Have... 4 points. Dorz: 1 point for the OMFG COOL name. 1 point for variety of colours. -1 point for mocking those still in school. Cynical_Youth: 1 point for the name's pun. Har har har. 3 points for the idea. -1 point because the website address provided does not work. Electric_Man: -1 point for time machine theft. -1 point for cheating. -1 point for not waiting to be paired. And, er... 1 point because I'm feeling generous. Spiky: I was going to say a point should be deducted for not waiting to be paired, but meh... E-man set a bad example. 2 point for concept, 1 point for the axe bit, 1 point for the disclaimer. Quoth and Om, consider yourselves well and truly paired. Cynical_Youth: 3 Dorz: 1 Electric_Man: -2 Garner: 1 Garner's Beard: 1 Mowgli: 1 Redneck: 3 Sleepy_sarge: 2 Spiky: 4 Toaf: 4
Unpaired invention #1: For Spiky, I invent the Quantum Research Convolutor and Combinator. Given a set of collected research data, the Quantum Research Convolutor and Combinator will produce a new set of research data, derived by chopping and mixing the previously collected information. The quantumness of the world dictates the existence of people who would have generated such data, therefore, this is valid research material and hence is worthy of consideration. The Quantum Research Convolutor and Combinator leads to reduced research times, and will be, and therefore is, responsible for Terry Pratchett writing for Mills and Boons for greater financial success and critical appreciation.
Of course there's room for that... you see that matchbox full of matches? It can go in the piece of dust next to it.
For Quoth I will invent a "Poe Quoter" This extrodinary device will quote all renditions of The Raven ever preformed. Even the cool Homer Simpson/James Earl Jones version from Treehouse of Horror (Halloween Special) episode. Allow me to demonstrate: James Earl Jones: "And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me -- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating......" (Homer hides under the chair.) Homer: "'Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door -- This it is and nothing more." See, how fantastic.
Announcement: as McStella will be returning to Uni tomorrow, Dorz has been appointed Temporary Female Host. She can't change her own score, but that's about it. Muahahahahaahha. :badgrin: <--- yes, suffering awaits.
Doors is taking over until I return. I wish her all the best in her new temporary role, and I'm sure she'll be possibly nearly as good as me.
Before I hand my sacred Gameshow Bible and Hostess outifit over to the lovely Doors, I have a couple of things to do... Sampanna, I give thee 4 points for clever words and use of quantum... But! I take 2 away for suggesting Pratchett goes into the erotic fiction market, therefore depriving people like us of quality literature, and increasing the volume of corset ripping shite in the world. Om, have 3 points for the ingenius Poe vending-machine like device. Indeed it is fantastic. Spiky, I'm pairng you with Kenny. You lucky lady.
Invention for Kenny: The 100% Alcohol Breathing Apparatus: Thinking of going 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea but don't want to simply breath boring old oxygen while your down there... Then you need the 100% Alcohol Breathing Apparatus which looks exactly like a diving suit with associated copper connections and 50kg weight but insteady of oxygen being fed down the hose a breathable solution of 100% alcohol is distributed directly to your body!! The alcohol can be absorbed through the lungs, skin and ear drums making for the best multiple league adventure ever as you stumble through unknown undersea lands and get into fights with anyone or fish that looks at you in a funny way!!! Call 1800-AIRBOOZE for your 100% ALcohol Breath Apparatus* TODAY!!!!! * Do not attempt the following after use: driving, operating heavy machinery, standing, talking or breathing (Samp I want your invention! It'd save me the effort of trying to think and write on my thesis today :? )
Pfft, we all know that's not true. Maybe you've forgotten the special day of our marri..."blessing", though I wouldn't have thought you'd forget the magical two weeks spent in the honeymoon cupboard of love and 80's pop classics. Anyway, I'll probably enter the next round.
Nope, not dead, I've just been away for a while, you know how it goes, one minute you're enjoying a relaxing trip on a men-only cruise ship, the next you're mugged by a viscious gang of ladyboys in Bangkok (no pun intended), left in the gutter with no money and forced to earn a living as a stripper in a dodgey nightclub until a rich man from England buys you online and pays to ship you back to England in a crate on the condition that you live in his basement....luckily he has broadband. So yeah, I'm back.
For Om: Virtual reality generator. Allows you to Smoke/Drink/Eat junk food/proform unspeakable things without damaging you body in any way. Please note, I am not responsible if Virtual reality generator: will not let you leave/becomes self aware/takes over world/destroys world/inslaves human race/uses human race as energy source(Huh?)/becomes the subject of dozens of shity action movies.
