I need help!

I need help. my roomate is misrable. He and his girlfriend just broke up recently. They are still friends, and good friends at that, but i can see he is very depressed about it allthough he doesn't show it.

The whole issue came from the fact that he doesnt spend enought time with her: over weekends, in the evenings an so forth. The problem is the cours he is studying in: Engineering. His time is mostly taken up with his course. Hoe doesn't have a lot of spare time for anything exept eating, sleeping and maby a bit of free time over weekends.

even now he is studying for a big test on Teusday. As yesterday evening was our hostle's dance for first years, which my rooy and i are, he joined in and had a good time, but that's the only time i saw him not studying. And he isint doing too well with his course neither.

I need some good advice on how to help him with his problems or, failing that, just to get him out of his depression.

HELP!!!

How many weeks has he been in school?

We've been in University for the past year.

I imagine that he has been in school for the past 12 years befor that.

I don't think i undersood your question clearly.

If he isbn't doing well in his course and he is spending that much time on it my thoughts are he isn't using his time effectively. Try looking over his schedule with him and see what he has been doing, set up a planner or something so that you know when his free time is and use that free time to the best of your ability.

Try and get him to look at his studying methods as well...it looks like his studying isn't doing much so maybe try organising how he goes about studying...just reading over material isn't very effective. Sometimes taking notes and gotting stuff down helps. Get him to make flash cards as well. Eventually it will even out, he wont require as much studying. he is depressed because he doesn't have a well rounded life and at the moment it's all work. Organise something big for the weekends so that what little time he does have makes up for the time at the desk studying.

edit to add: I think Brad was meaning have you just started Uni, because sometimes people find it harder to begin with...or maybe his workload has just increased with a new year....

Ok, that would still solve his academic problems, but hos workload will still be hectic for the next 3 years.

And anyway, i need advice on how to help him in his trouble with is girlfriend also.

that was advise...once he has sorted out his achedemic life he will have more time for his girlfriend...more time = happy couple

or in theory it should...try help him work out his schedule so he can fit it all in...then he should slowly come out of his depressive state.

Thanks fairy.

i appreciate your advice.

thanks Mal. i see i need to brush up on my american some more. Sometimes it is a bit confusing. :?:

ANYHOO, we've been back at "school" for 5 weeks since the last vacation (WHAT AM I SAYING, 1 week is not a vacation!!!). :?

Let a big sister give you some insight on this problem. Otherwise 5 year and an Hons in Psychology doesn't mean very much.

Read this and if you have questions email me and I'll call you OK.

Firstly - As I was in S/Bos (Stellenbosch University) myself and I know the culture and the students and the way of life in ress.
Also Uni is not school (Grade 1-12). This is where you have to start thinking for yourself. Be your own person and find yourself. You know very well how much I haved changed since being at Uni.
What I'm trying to say is that you while it's fine worrying about your mate, you only give him support. He is going through changes in his life that will shape his personality for the rest of his life.
You need to use your emotional intelligence in this situation

"The expression emotional intelligence or EI indicates a kind of intelligence or skill that involves the ability to perceive, assess and positively influence one's own and other people's emotions"


So give him support and friendship during his time of need. Try not to irritate him and the advice given about study methods is also very good - thats what the student information centre (studentevoorligting - opposite the REK & STATS Building in Victoria Str)(sorry for afrikaans - just trying to give directions)
They give courses on these type of topics as well as stress management.

Secondly - you say he is depressed. There is a difference between being depressed and just being bumbed out. I am not going to go into the finer nuances of this otherwise this post will be way to long. Do some research on the net. See what the symptoms are for depression and if his match.

Also try t talk to him about it. I know you guys have trouble talking about stuff like this(thank god i'm a woman and i can share my feelings) but try. Sometimes thats the thing people need to get them out of the slump - when they see that somebody actually likes them and are worried about them and the way they are feeling they start to feel a lot better.

Hope it helps. C