Panel one: Garner and Roman, garner taking notes Roman: ...and that's an authentic falafel recipe. Garner: Got it! Okay, only one question... should it garnish with yogurt or sour cream? Roman: Oy gevalt! Panel two: Garner's Kitchen, garner and buzzfloyd Buzzfloyd: I'm not as good at crushing the bread into crumb as you are. Men's hands are differently proportioned. They're better at gripping things. You know, long, thin objects... Garner: ... Panel three: Garner's kitchen, garner and buzzfloyd Garner: damnation! I can't get the bloody falafel to compact, they're just dissolving in the oil no matter what I do! Buzzfloyd: Here, let me try. You see women's hands are better suited to squeezing things, like balls... Garner: !! Buzzfloyd: of falafel. Panel four: Garner's kitchen, garner at the stove Garner: It does nothing! All my work, all my labor, in ruin and inedible char! Panel five: Tel Aviv airport, angry garner with Ba eyes. Israeli Customs Official: And what's the purpose of your trip, Mr Garner? Garner: Revenge. Panel six: Somewhere in the desert. Garner and a Bedouin Garner: Excuse me, can you give me directions to Lod? Bedouin: <I do not speak English> Garner: Just over those dunes? Thanks! Panel seven: the high desert, garner, dead. shivering mirages of falafel stands and clustered around an oasis. Panel eight: back in Lod. Roman at a fast food stand. Roman: mmmmm, that's good falafel!
Alternate ending number one (Buzzfloyd version): Panel seven: Garner, in commando attire, outside a military themed tent. Roman and A N Otherstein on the other side, guarding. Roman: And that's another thing I love about my e-book reader, it- A N Otherstein: zzz Garner: moooooooo Panel eight: close up to roman's face, expression of complete terror. Roman: the cows... they've found me.
Alternate Ending Two: (Broadway ending) Panel five: Chorus of orthodox jews, dancing into Garner's kitchen Chorus: Hava falafel! Hava falafel! Hava falafel! You deserve it, oy! Panel six: Close up of garner's face, blissful Garner: And ywhw bless us, every one!
Alternate ending three: (The truth) Panel five: Garner's kitchen, garner and buzzfloyd. Buzzfloyd: So... what are we going to have for tea? Garner: ... Buzzfloyd: Sweetie...? Panel six: The next day, at work. Garner's co-worker: So, what'd ya have for dinner last night? Garner: Hummus sammich. Panel seven: Co-worker: What's that like then? Garner: The bitter taste of victory, stolen from your grasp at the very end and seasoned with your own tears. Panel eight: close up of co-worker's face, in horror.
Roman K says (9:37 PM): Oh dear. Roman K says (9:39 PM): Right, let's try to learn from your mistakes. Roman K says (9:40 PM): How long did you soak the chickpeas? Garner says (9:40 PM): they were tinned. Roman K says (9:40 PM): Ah. Roman K says (9:41 PM): I see. Roman K says (9:41 PM): What did I tell you about that, Clay? Roman K says (9:42 PM): In any case, you can use any *remaining* tins of chickpeas to make hommous. Garner says (9:42 PM): i already HAVE hommous, dammit. Roman K says (9:43 PM): No. Roman K says (9:43 PM): What you have is a horrible mess. Garner says (9:45 PM): shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up i hate you Roman K says (9:46 PM): But you might as well make a dish of hommous, a sort of lake-shape of hommous in the plate, filled with olive oil. Wipe the hommous with warm pita pieces. Garner says (9:47 PM): what part of "shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up i hate you" don't you under stand?
I wandered in here to see why a thread had 4 posts and 0 views. And now I feel sorry for myself. Falafels are easy.
Ouch... I have one question, though, that I have been asking myself for some time: How exactly do you pronounce Falafel?
fel-ah-fel... Well that's how I pronounce it. Serve Garner right for not following Roman's instructions down to the letter... Next time, by them from your local kebab/yiros joint. So much easier.
In Israel it is pronounced fah-lah-fel. Also, "Tel-Aviv Airport" does not exist. The central airport in Israel is Ben-Gurion Aiport... about a ten minutes' drive from Lod. :-D
Amazingly enough, it's pronounced that way in Swedish too How did you manage to get Ben all the way down there?
And more importantly, who's this Gurion dude he's hyphened with? I do think that although the sketches were funny, they were distinctly lacking in catchphrase. Whatever happened to "No one must know how we live" ?
Too busy plotting vengeance on falafel-denying universe. But, if you want a snappy catch phrase, you can take one from my first words to Mynona after coming up from the kitchen with a bowl of hummus: "Where's Roman? I need to murder him a little."
Good catchphrase, I could see that catching on... Of course, you do realise it was your own fault, you forgot one vital step. Stick the falafels in the freezer, they work better after that... *runs away muttering spells of anti-smiting protection*
