How evil are my parents? A long time ago, in a back garden in Ireland lived a Red Setter dog called Spike. He was a much loved family pet, adored by all the children in the family. Until one day, while everyone was in school, Spike got out of the garden and hit by a car. The parents of the family shook their head in dismay and buried the dog underneath the trees before the children came home, and when the poor little kiddies arrived, they tearfully told them that Spike had gone to the big field in sky. After that, every request from the children for another dog was turned down, on the basis that they couldn't look after poor Spike, and look what happened to him? Would they want that to happen to another dog? And then child number 5 was born (me) and she was told the same thing. No, you can't have a dog because you can't take care of it. Look what happened to poor Spike. (A fact that used to really annoy me because I wasn't even alive when they had Spike!) I have just found out that dear old Spike didn't actually die. He was sent to the pound because he was too big and boisterous. My parents actually told my siblings that Spike had died! I am the only one out of 5 kids that knows that. Now I'm in a quandry. Do I tell my brothers and sisters that Spike didn't actually die because he managed to get out of the garden, something that's laid on their guilt-ridden souls for years...or do I let my mother and father get away with a 30 year old lie?
It depends - how guilty do your siblings feel? They were small then, so there is a fair chance they've gotten over it. Much as I dislike what your parents did (sorry, but I do dislike it), the relief your siblings may feel may not be worth all the bad feelings that will be caused by letting the truth out. Personally, if I was one of your siblings I would be relieved to know the truth - but you'll have to decide this one based on your knowledge of your brothers and sisters.
Out of five of us, four live out of home. The oldest was about 13 or 14 when it happened. And not one of us has ever had a pet (goldfish don't count) And believe me Sampana, I don't really like what they did either. It was kind of mean. But it wouldn't cause too much bad feeling between them, it would just be another piece of ammo under the belt for them to go "HA! You say this, but in 19** you told us that....[insert lie here]" I'm just not sure if I should go there. I mean, it's going to slip out at some point. I forget what I'm not supposed to say and it just happens. I can't help it.
I say tell them. I fully believe in the vital importance of knowing the truth behind this sort of thing. I mean, okay, its not on the same scale at all, but when I was a kid the central air conditioning in our house froze up and resulted in a lot of water damage to part of teh house. I was told it happened because I'd set the air conditioning to run all day instead of leaving it on the thermostat, and i always felt horribly guilty about it. A year or two ago, in passing conversation to someone else, my dad mentioned that the guy who'd installed the airconditioning got some part on back-to-front, or what have you, and that it had caused a lot of water damage after the thing froze up. A brief berating of my father took place afterwards. I may have gotten an apology, I don't recall, but the actual catharsis was just in learning that I hadn't fucked up our house. I say tell the siblings. If they visit hellfire and thunderous fury upon your parents for their deception, so be it. But they should know the truth.
Good lord tell them, thousands could be saved on therapy bills, many of those unexplained hangups and neuroses will suddenly make sense.
Tell them. My step-mum had my step-sisters cat put down when she had her first child because the cat liked to jump into bed and my step-mum was afraid that the cat would jump into the baby's cot and suffocate the baby. Shelley kept getting told that the cat was just out when she was around. Six months went by before she got told what had really happened. She took it hard and didn't speak to my step-mum for a while. Eventually she got over it. As we all know... The truth shall make ye fret
Have you asked your parents why they didn't tell the other siblings? I would tell your parents that you think the others should know this, and if they make a big fuss or try to sweep it under the rug, then I would tell the siblings. That's just me though. I always try to give one more chance, usually when it is one too many. If not that, then I would let your parents know that the rest of the siblings know what happened to the dog.
Tell them. There are secrets that I would advise to keep in order not to break up a (however falsely seemingly) happy family, but this is a "small" lie that has had big consequences. I mean that what they did wasn't actually a terrible thing, we're not talking about child abuse or "your father is actually your mother" or anything that dramatic, those are big secrets that have smaller consequences before they are let out than after, if you get what I mean. Here it's the opposite, it was a small convenient lie that has led to them not having any pets and probably feeling really guilty all their lives so far, so the truth would probably just relieve them of that, even if it will probably add to any ill-feeling towards the parents.
There's actually a whole series of comics in France that were derived purely from a one-frame Windows paint doodle of Vader with a speech bubble and Luke on his knees shouting "NOOOO", Vader, of course having a different caption each time and one of the most popular ones was "Luke, I am your mother". One of my favourites was "Luke, I've just done the shopping but I forgot the loo-roll". But let's not get side-tracked, eh...irate:
I am such a sap. I chickened out of telling my sister this evening. She found a cat in her front garden that had just been hit by a car. We managed to catch her but her two front legs are very badly broken and her jaw is all...lets just say she's not in very good condition right now. We phoned the 24 hr help line the nearest vet has and they said to just make her as comfortable as we could for the night and bring her in in the morning for him to look at. But be prepared to have her put down. It is killing me. She's lying in my neighbours dog-carrier crying constantly and there is nothing I can do to help her and she's in so much pain. I don't want to put her down, but I don't want her to suffer either. I don't think I'll tell my brothers and sister. I should just let things lie. It's not worth dragging up old pain like that. They loved Spike and he went away. I guess it doesn't really matter exactly how. It's in the past, so it will stay in the past. I don't want to put the cat down. I really, really don't.
Poor cat has now gone. I feel like a murderer. don't anybody ever ask me to euthanise them. I couldn't live with the guilt.
Oh honey, don't feel too guilty, the poor thing was lucky to have someone kind enough to care for it and put it out of its misery, even though it is a heart-breaking thing to have to do. I have had to do it in the past, the first time I was just 13 and I stayed with my poor cat until the vet asked me to leave the room, when I was allowed back in he looked like he was asleep and we took him home and buried him in the garden. He had been suffering for weeks and we knew he had no hope of getting better. It's not a nice decision to have to make, but it's better than the alternative.
Sometimes, death is the greatest kindness one can offer. This is not meant in jest. There are times when there is no quality of life left.
Sorry about the kitty... I still think you should tell your siblings. I mean that kind of leverage over your parents is hard to find and it should be grabbed when it becomes available. Think of the guilt trips that could be laid, think of the last word in arguments that could be had, and not to forget the knowledge that you are better than you parents because you would never do such a thing... There are so many upsides. But I'd leave it a week or two, to let the kitty drama subside.
I think Spiky is right, now may not be the time to tell your siblings , but you said it your self, it may come out sometime anyway. Better to choose a time when things are not guilt ridden or emotionally charged, after all there is no bringing Spike back and you might be relieveing them of guilt and maybe some know already anyway. Your folks aren't the first to tell this sort of lie, But blaming the kids for their decision sort of bites. My family is keeping a secret from my brother, he had a cat he dearly loved and it was killed, but he will never know how from me.
Sorry for having to do that. :sad: Well, I guess, you didn't really have to, which makes it all the more generous. The poor thing. But I sort of agree with Tamyra, and Spiky. Maybe one day they'll just mention the whole thing when you sit talking, and there will be a moment when you feel it would be better to tell them than to leave things as they are. But until then, I wouldn't bother myself too much... they have been believing this for such a long time, some more time waiting for the right moment won't change much. And none of these were your decisions, anyway. You ended with this dilemma without being responsible for it, so it would be mean if you were the only one who gets a headache over it.
Hey guys, thanks for the kind words. Still wish I hadn't had to put it down, but you're right, cat's better off. Brother from England is back home next month, so I might try and broach the subject then. It depends on how everybody is feeling. If they're happy and jokie, then I'll say it. If they're moody...I'm not going to go near the subject with a ten foot pole!
If they (your siblings) find out in some other manner watch that you don't get caught up in the whole "... and you knew but didn't tell us ..." scenario. Sorry about the cat - that sort of thing really bites but you have to make the correct (and humane) choice - and then try to not feel (too) bad about it after. R
