Passings

So, my mom just called to tell me that her mother passed away last night. Granny had suffered a pretty rapid decline due to altzheimers, but hung in there for several years despite it. I hadn't seen her in years before she went into a care home, and never went to visit before she lost the faculty to remember who I was, which I always felt a bit guilty about... but it's not easy when family's stretched out across multiple states and you've got no car or money.

Oh well. We all knew this day was coming, and the family that had been able to visit her had all, in their ways, let her know it was okay to move on. Her sister prayed every night for the lord to take her into his arms (i'm guessing at the phrasing on that one).

So, as usual, I haven't got any real sense of grief or of loss, but just a sort of mellow sadness. And, of course, the inevitable self-interested question of 'what'll it be like when it's my turn to go'...

ah well.

For me I'm more dreading what it will be like when it's my mother's turn to go than my own. Though I must admit I do have moments of dread concerning myself from time to time.

I also had a granny that went a bit alzheimers. I was married to a Japanese woman at the time and we, somewhat foolishly, agreed to go and look after my granny (live with her) while my grandfather was in hospital. It sounded like a really good idea at the time, I really loved my grandfather and thought it would be quite nice to be living with him and chatting etc. Only he never got better and never came back home like we expected, and my granny was being a total nightmare, especially for Masayo who she kept accusing of stealing stuff, which is about 100 times more offensive to a Japanese person than it is to an English person. Anyway Masayo had enough one day and just moved out of my granny's house so I had to leave too, which I was sort of relieved about but felt a bit guilty at the same time. About a week later though, with my mother now looking after her, my Granny died and we had to go and tell my grandfather who was still in hospital. He died also a few weeks later.

I don't really miss my granny so much because she was quite a hard woman who never thought that much about the meaning of life, or anything really. I do miss my grandfather though because I know that he thought about it a lot, so I kind of wonder if anything has happened to him in some kind of afterlife - I hope so, for his sake and mine I guess.

This was all nearly ten years ago now, but it's still kind of a low point in my life. I sometimes feel a bit resentful of my mother, that she wasn't the one looking after her mother instead of me in the first place - especially when I know she'll expect me to look after her when she is old. That's not why I'm dreading it though, it's because my mother is the only close family member I have left now. Well her and my brother, but I don't really have any other family on my side.

Of course I have Marcia now, which is fantastic.

I guess these things must be easier for you too being married to Grace and not being alone?

Mal, it sounds like that was a particularly tough time. I'm glad you're not alone to deal with whatever the future brings.

Kat, what you say is definitely true. When I worked at the funeral director's it struck me that the one thing every group of bereaved people had in common was that they all said it was a shock. We didn't do a single funeral while I was there where the relatives/friends didn't tell me it was a shock. Even when the deceased person had been in their nineties and terminally ill with cancer, for example. Even when it's not a surprise, it can still be a shock.

Garner's Granny needed to move on, and may she rest in peace. The rest of the family have each other to turn to.