Chapter 1 – State of Grace. "M'boardfic" Splosh, went another pebble into the clear turquoise water. "Do take that twig out of your mouth Doors, I can't understand a word you're mumbling." said Buzzfloyd, dangling her legs off the jetty. Next to her, the troll shifted position, and spat out the small branch it had been chewing on. Splosh. "Ach ! Ah said Ahm bored sick !" said the troll, "Der Captain he ain't done nothin' for da last week, s'not healthy, spendin' all dat time readin' !" Buzzfloyd winced at the double negative, but said nothing. She had long ago given up trying to make the troll see the benefits of grammar, and anyway, every time she mentioned it he started going on about his dear old grandmother. Besides, the troll's thick accent meant she wasn't even sure what half the words were anyway. Doors the troll had joined the crew of the good ship Curry Bean a few months back, the captain had found him floating in the middle of the sea... At first the crew had been aprehensive about this, trolls weren't supposed to float, and this one was a strange brown colour not often seen in trolls. But Doors had explained that he was a fossil-wood troll, and therefore could float, which was good, and also burn, which was less good. He had earned his nickname after some joker had carved the outline of a letter box, a doorknob and a number 10 on his chest once when he was dead drunk in a gutter somewhere. Buzzfloyd sat watching her dangling legs and the clear blue water below. They had been here for a week, in a small port on the turnwise coast of the Agatean Empire. Captain Karies was looking for something, but she knew no more. He had been more interested in gathering books and scrolls lately than he had been in honest piratery. And this frustrated her, because there was hardly ever anything interesting to read on board, and now that there was plenty she couldn't get at it. He kept the stuff locked up in his cabin at all times, and never let the key out of his sight. She looked thoughtfully at the Curry Bean, gently swaying in the warm tropical breeze and the gentle waves. The red paint was still quite new and looked great, if a little conspicuous. The creamy sails were furled and the pirate flag had been stowed away long before they made port, replaced by a morporkian banner, one of the many false nationalities the pseudo-trading-ship had in stock. It certainly was a nice place to be bored, she reflected, the sand was white, the sea was crystal clear, the town was actually quite hospitable, although not very big... But still, there wasn't much to do for a girl like her... Most of the other crewmen had found things to do, they were drinking themselves senseless at the local tavern, or playing cards; the cook was filling the hold with exotic foodstuffs and learning new curry recipes from the local women. Sacharissa* was stocking up on bandages and medecines, tidying up the sickbay, buying local herbs and ointments... And here she was, stuck with the troll... Well, that was enough, she was going for a walk, she decided. There must be some interesting local architecture around to look at, or some interesting dialect to be learned, native artworks to be admired... She would make the most of whatever time they would be spending here to improve her already encyclopedic culture. "Oy, Grace, get down to the pub and fetch the crew will ya, we leave at once !!" came the yell from the Captain's cabin. Damn. Oh well, maybe next time. *Sacharissa, the ship's doctor, had changed her name because she didn't like the sound of Igorina. She wanted something sweet and spicy, but unfortunately ended up combining something that was falsely sweet and something that was so hot it would burn even a troll's mouth. Which basically said it all.
Thanks Sam, I'll submit that idea to my boss when he gets back from holiday... Yes, Grace, I knew you'd like that Well, it's the first time I've written any great length of story in English for a very long time, I usually write a lot for the online role-playing wargame where I'm a mod, but in French... on the other hand, I mostly read in English, so I hope it's not too lame language-wise...
Don't worry, the language is fine. The story looks hilariously promising. Keep it up! ps. Like the name of the ship
Chapter 2 – Karie(s) on sailing. After ordering Buzzfloyd to round up the crew, Captain Karies walked back over to the desk where charts, papers and books were spread, and looked down at the rough notes he had scribbles on various pieces of parchment. So this was it. He finally had a direction, a clue to the whereabouts of the famous lost treasure of the plincas. One last visit to be made, and he would be setting sail. The crew would need a few hours to sober up, load the rest of the food, water and various bits and pieces they had picked up during their week-long stay. He sighed. He was really going to have to have a serious talk to Rinso about those piñatas, they were taking up far too much space in the hold and the sweets inside them were starting to smell as bad as the sailor who hoarded them. Screwing his hat firmly on his head, he left the cabin, locking it carefully behind him. His parrot flew down to settle on his shoulder. He brushed it off kindly onto its perch, beside the cabin door. "I'll need you to keep watch here, old fellow, make sure no-one tries to peek !" he said, winking at the parrot. Where he was going, he didn't want any witnesses, even ones with feathers. There was a spring in the Captain's step as he made it down the gangway, and it wasn't just due to the poor state of the planks. He patted Doors on the head as he walked past, the troll was still sitting on the edge of the jetty, despite the activity around him. "Come on, Doors, get to work, we're leaving !" "Ach ! Aye aye sir. Boot bloody time too Ah say..." grumbled the troll, pulling himself to his feet somewhat laboriously, and ambling off towards the ship. The town was suddenly animated with typical local life, although only a few minutes beforehand it had been almost deserted. The Curry Bean was the only ship in the small port, and the prospect of making a last minute sale or getting a couple of coins for helping to load was a spontaneous boost to the local spirit of free enterprise. As he walked through the town, down the main street, Karies saw some of his crewmen tumbling out of the tavern, and getting cursed at by the barmaid in some lingo that sounded like Ecksian. She was actually waving a threatening rolling pin at them, he didn't even think that happened in real life. He reached the old house out the other side of the town quite quickly and made his way through the overgrown garden. The old man was sitting under the porch, on an antique rocking chair. He had a long white beard, bushy white hair, and he was wearing dungarees, a checked shirt and a squashy hat. He deserved a post card all to himself. "Hullo Charlie." said the Captain. "We're ready to leave now. Have you thought about it?" "Arrr, Karies, ye awld pirate ya ! Arr've been athinkin' abawt it, yerr... But Ahm too awld ta go widsya... Ahd be a stone innsya boot Ah would. But listen 'ere, me awld mate, mah granddaughter's a fine young lass, and she wants to seee tha wurld... Wouldya take her widsya, for awld tahmes sake ?" Karies sighed to himself. Another girl, that was all he needed ! Sailors were traditionally against women on board, pirates doubly so, and somehow, he had ended up with a fair number of females on his ship. It was ok for the nurse – doctor, he reminded himself, don't call her nurse – and the cook to be female, those were girly jobs after all, and navigator was ok as jobs for girls go, but for normal sailors... Oh dear, he was going to regret this, he felt it. "Aye, sure, does she have any particular skills ?" "Arrr, she's a bonny lass, yaw'll see ! Her name's Delphine... Ah'll tell her ta be down at tha ship in an hourr." "And... about the..." "Arrr, yarr !! Ah almost fargott all that, sonny, Ah'll send it down with her..." Captain Karies nodded, and turned to leave. "Farr thee well young Karies, may tha gods watch over ya kindly oot there..." drawled the old man accross the garden. The Captain gave him a farewell wave, and headed back to the port, his ship, his parrot, his crew and a new adventure. It was time to be going.
Chapter 3 - Delphin in fine "WHY DON'T PEOPLE LIKE ME ALBERT ?" "Well... You know Sir, they ain't usually keen on dying, and seeing you around is usually bad news..." "DO YOU THINK I SHOULD TRY THE TOOTH FAIRY METHOD AGAIN ?" "No, really Sir, leaving a dollar for every dead body is just asking for trouble. We've been through this before, you know what happened last time..." "PEOPLE LIKE THE TOOTH FAIRY." Albert sighed and dropped his head into his hands. The master was in one of his funny moods again, and Albert could feel the whole thing going wahoonie-shaped already. Something had to be done. He lifted his head again. "Master ? Oh no, where's he gone now ?" -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Delphine had packed at top speed and was only half an hour late when she arrived down at the Curry Bean. She had put on her best dress and her hair was tied up with a brightly coloured scarf. What fun, going off to see the world on a beautiful red boat ! Karies had watched her arrive from the deck. She was, as her grandfather had said, a bonny lass. But what on earth was he going to do with a girly girl on a pirate ship ? At least the other females wore decent working clothes, some even wore britches, but he had accepted this new recruit thinking she would pull her weight, not swan around like a passenger. Well, he would soon see, and besides, once he had what he needed, well, the sea could be a dangerous place, and no captain could be held responsible for... freak attacks of giant squid or so-on, could he ? "Welcome, miss Delphine, I am Captain Karies." he said, snapping out of his introspection to take her hand as she climbed on board. "Oh what a lovely boat you have captain ! I'm sure we will all have such fun together !" she exlaimed, not noticing the captain wince at the word "boat". Ye gods, the girl was walking italics ! "Did Charlie... your grandfather, give you something for me ?" "It's such a wonderful day for a sail, isn't it !" she gabbled on. "Oh, yes, of course, that... " She rummaged through her trunk, which had just been carried on board, and brought out a small object wrapped in cloth. She handed it to the captain, with a wink. "It must be very important, Grandfather never would tell me what it was..." "Yes. No. It is important." mumbled Karies, "Buzzfloyd here will show you to your bunk." he added, with a nod towards the aforementioned sailor. He strode off towards his cabin, an odd smile on his face. Delphine turned to smile at Buzzfloyd. "Oh, you're a girl too !" she exclaimed, after a short pause. "I'm so happy, I was thinking I would feel all lonely with all these rough sailors !" "Come on," said Buzzfloyd, choosing to ignore the bubbly girliness, "it's this way, Doors will bring your trunk down... sooner or later." "Doors ? How could doors carry anything ?" "Not doors, Doors. The troll. The one that looks like a door ?" "Oh him ! He looks so funny don't you think ? All those things carved on his chest, they look so silly !" "Just wait 'till you see where they did his doorknob" muttered Buzzfloyd, out of hearing.
Very cool and fun. I like delphine as a girly girl, she reminds me of the blond in Maskerade, what was her name again? Anyway. More. Please.
Oh well isn't this just super! I can't wait to read about all the fun larks to be had on such a jaunt! Oh Squeal!
Christine !!!!! (with 5 !) Yes, I did think of her, once I had started on the character, didn't do it on purpose though Teph> yep, I laughed like hell when I was proof-reading it Yes, I know, laughing at one's own jokes is lame, but at least that way I'm always sure I get at least one Ba> good idea, I'll find a way to include Yaks, I promise. All others; thanks I'm impatient to develop the Death side-story, I hope it turns out as funny as it is in my poor diseased brain.
Chapter 4 – Ass no questions. Death had never quite got the hang of disguises. After all, people couldn't usually see him unless they were dead. Or wizards. Or cats. So, no-one important could see him. And as usual, his imagination was rather grounded to a black and white filtered reality, and motifs seemed to always include skulls, bones and omegas. He could create anything, pull things into being, command them to appear. But he was lousy at creativity. Standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom, Death admired his latest attempt at disguise. A wide brimmed hat and a mask. Black. A cloak. Black. Shirt and trousers. Black. Boots. Black. He had ditched the scythe, the sword was flashier. He was particularly proud of the symbol on his cloak, now that was inspiration. Albert arrived, panting, at the bedroom door. "What the... Listen, Master, this is not a good idea... again !" "OH. HOW DID YOU RECOGNIZE ME ?" "Well... you're... in your bedroom, sir." sighed Albert. Oh dear, here he goes again... "OH, OF COURSE." "What are... What's... this ?" "THE PEOPLE NEED A HERO, ALBERT. SOMEONE TO UPHOLD JUSTICE AND TRUTH." "But they, you, wha..." "THERE IS NO GREATER TRUTH THAN DEATH. DEATH IS THE FINAL JUSTICE." "But... What the... What are you going to do ?" "I SHALL COMBAT INJUSTICE AND DEFEND THE PEOPLE" "Oh dear..." Albert noticed the cloak. "What's with the big Z, sir ?" "HAHA. IT IS CUNNING, IS IT NOT ? Z IS THE NEW OMEGA, ALBERT !" -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- The crew's quarters on the Curry Bean were quite comfortable as pirate ships went, and due to the over-average number of ladies on board, the Captain had given them part of the hold to make their own, to preserve their intimacy... and the men's nerves. With an Igorina on board and the occasional merchant ship with a load of silk and cloth to loot, they had managed to furnish the place well, and Delphine was having trouble picking a place to sleep. "Oh this is so gooooorgeous, dear Buzzfloyd !! I just loooove what you've done with the curtains, and those cushions are just scrumptious !!!" Buzzfloyd winced at the extra exclamation marks and italics, they hung there in the air, burning into the retina of her grammar-ears*. She grit her teeth. "Look, this bunk is free, make yourself at home." Not too much, she subtitled. "I'll go and see where your chest is." As if I can't see most of it from here with that dress. As she climbed the stairs to the deck, she heard the Captain give the order to cast off. Dear gods, this trip was going to be long, no matter where they went. Doors was struggling with the über-heavy trunk that contained Delphine's stuff. Buzzfloyd grunted an order at him and as he made his way towards the companionway that led down to the crew's quarters, she looked past him, towards the Captain. Usually, when leaving, the captain would be giving orders left right and center, but now he was strangely calm, glancing every few minutes at the object he was holding. As she was walking towards the Captain to try and get a closer look, she was rammed by a large pink paper donkey. Damn, she should have smelt it coming. "Rinso ! You twerp, get this bloody thing off me !" The malodorant sailor pulled at his prize until Buzzfloyd was free. She scrambled to her feet and yelled at him for a while, until the Captain came over to see what was happening. "Look here sailor, I've told you before about those things, you can't just carry on hoarding them, there soon won't be any room for any loot, let alone your shipmates !" "M'sorrycapten" said the abashed Rinso, staring at his feet. "I want you to pick out ten of them and we'll be chucking them overboard. Any edible sweets in them will go to the stores and cook will share them out. Do it. NOW". "Aye Aye Sir..." muttered Rinso, stalking off accross the deck, dragging his latest pink monstrosity behind him. "You know, Grace, I don't think I'll ever understand that boy..." "No, Captain, I gave up years ago." She answered, trying to get a discreet peek at the thing in his hand. It seemed to be metallic, but it was wrapped in a cloth, and she couldn't see anything more. "What course should I set, Sir ?" "Ah, yes, of course... I'll bring you up a chart in a minute. Go tell cook to be very wary of any sweets that boy gives her, will you, while I get the charts." And so the Curry Bean cruised slowly out of the small and pleasant bay of Terrapina, and out towards the open sea and a new adventure. It left a trail of brightly coloured paper donkeys in its wake. *Don't even think about pointing out the flaw in this description, grammar-ears have retinas. You people just can't understand.
Chapter 5 – Rimwards bound. Down in the galley, Hsing, the ship's cook, was putting away the last few packages she had bought from the market in Terrapina. Cloves, curry powder, ground spices, fresh jalapeños. That would certainly make the cabbage taste better. She had been a cook for many years, even before becoming a pirate, but she had grown up in a small town somewhere between the Sto Plains and Überwald, and that meant that every dish did tend to turn out rather... cabbagey. Hsing sang a little song as she worked, and didn't hear Buzzfloyd arrive until she coughed discreetly to announce her presence. At which Hsing dropped the packet of paprika she was holding and a red cloud rose from the floor. "Arch ! Grace, you scared me !" she exclaimed, not unkindly, as she bent to pick up the packet. "Sorry, Hsing, the captain sent me to tell you that Rinso may be coming down here with some of his... sweets, later on, and to be careful to throw away any dodgy ones before handing them out." She smiled the smile of "those who know". "Arch, poor boy, don't vorry Grace, I shall be verry picky vith vatever he brings me !" Hsing's wink was acknowledged by another knowing smile from Buzzfloyd, and she went back on deck, leaving the cook to clean up her mess. Galley. Whatever. -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- "NOW, I NEED A PSEUDONYM WORTHY OF A SUPERHERO." "Look, Master, this isn't gonna..." "WHAT DO PEOPLE REMEMBER ABOUT ME ALBERT ?" "I... I dunno, grief, sorrow..." "SORROW ? Z... ZORROW ?" Death paused, chewing the idea over. "NO, I DON'T THINK THAT WILL MAKE THEM LIKE ME AT ALL..." Albert sighed and sat down heavily on the unused bed. -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- "Ach, Capten, that lass's gonna blow mah brains wid' her gabblin !" Captain Karies sighed, and pushed past the irate troll. "Sorry Doors, this will have to wait, Grace needs these charts to set a course." "Ach, Aye aye Sarr, but mark mah wurrds, she'll be trouble, that one !" called the troll as he moved aside. Tell me about it, thought Karies as he climbed the steps to the sterncastle and made his way to the wheel. And her grandfather had thought [i:07b41984bc]he [/i:07b41984bc]would be a stone in our boot ! Grace Buzzfloyd watched the Captain approach with slight apprehension. Her curiosity had been tickled by all the books and scrolls that he was hoarding in his cabin. As a Grammarian, one of the less-fashionable religions of the discworld, she believed in the power of words. She could hear them whispering, calling to her, yearning to be read. And the Captain knew of their power, she could tell. He was planning something. "Ah, Grace, here you are..." said the captain jovially, unrolling the chart on a nearby hatch. "The course for now will be more or less due Rimwards, our first stop will be in Bhanbhangduc, for a few extra supplies, this bit is the easy part." And with that, he gave her a pat on the shoulder and wandered off to talk to Doors. "The easy part." she muttered. "Something smells fishy here, and it's not just Rinso's underpants."
Chapter 6 – The constant Garner Delphine had changed into a short summer dress and was sunning herself on the hatch cover right next to the main mast. And she could smell burning. Hmmm, it did smell rather strong, she hoped the cook wasn't burning the lunch, because all this excitement had really roused her appetite. Chrisjordan was coiling ropes on deck when he was trampled on by a hysterical screaming woman running round in circles with her hair on fire. Bloody women, he thought, mechanically throwing the nearest bucket of water at her (bucket and all). Always making a fuss about nothing. The Captain emerged from his cabin to see what the screams were about this time. Delphine's fine mass of hair had been rather singed, and was smelling rather nasty, but the fire hadn't reached the skin. Karies sighed and looked up towards the crow's nest and the old, bearded pirate who was chuckling gleefully, holding a glowing pipe. "Garner, we've told you before about setting fire to new people, if your hide wasn't so ancient it'd get a right tanning !" "Howdy Captain, sorry about that, I didn't even see that chick sunbathing half naked down there, I was just cleaning out me pipe..." "Yeah, right..." Sighed Karies, out of Garner's hearing range. The old man resumed his cackling laugh. Crossing over to the stricken Delphine who was being comforted by Sacharissa, he decided that this was enough. "You ok, Delphine ?" he enquired. "She's suffering from mild shock, Sir," answered the doctor, "but she'll be ok." "Right. Doc, will you look after her for a bit, find out what she can do to help on board, this isn't a pleasure cruise, you know..." "Aye Aye Sir." The smell of cabage curry wafted up from the galley, dispersing the lingering smell of burnt snail. He grabbed the nearest pirate by the arm. "Fairy ! Bring me a bowl of whatever cook has brewed up this time to my cabin will you." "Aye Aye Cap'n !" yelled Fairy, dissapearing below. Typical, she thought, she was going to end up doing the dishes again, it just wasn't fair.
Great stuff again! You realise Katcal that my posts, complimenting you on your uniformly excellent work, are beginning to get boring. I blame you entirely for this. Tut tut. More please!
Here's part 2 of Chapter 6 -o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Delphine had slipped into a dazed slumber on the sickbay bunk, and Sacharissa sat watching her and slurping down the cabbage curry that Fairy had brought her. "Find something she can do..." she muttered to herself. "As if that was easy to do !" "How is the young Mädchen, Avgi ?" asked Hsing, making the doctor jump and spill hot curry on her shirt. "Arch, I'm sorry, I frightened you !" "Oh, that's ok, Hsing" said Sacharissa, mopping up the sauce. "I never got used to people popping up unexpectedly, no wonder I never fitted in with my family..." A fleeting expression of sadness made its way across her face. "So, vill she be ok then ?" "Oh, her ? Well, yes, once she's rested, I'm sure she'll be up and about as if nothing had happened. But the captain wants me to find her something to do, she can't just lounge around all day. Any ideas ?" "Vell, you know, Fairy is a good sailor, the Captain is vasting her skills making her help me in the galley, and you know how she always hates vashing up. Maybe zis girl could replace her ?" "In the galley ?" mused Sacharissa. "Oh well, why not, it'll keep her out from under the crew's feet..." And maybe she knows how to cook something other than cabbage, added her rebellious hind-brain.
Yes, it's back Chapter 7 – Who's zat ? "Oooooh, cooking, what a wonderful idea !!!" "Oh, good. Well, cook's waiting for you down below, Grace will show you the way." said Sacharissa, showing Delphine to the door and into the arms of a puzzled Buzzfloyd. "Who's Grace, then ??? It is a lovely name, don't you think, Buzzfloyd ???" bubbled Delphine, mindlessly. "I bet you wished you had such a lovely name, Buzzfloyd sounds like a boy's name !!!!" she added, with a giggle. Sacharissa gave Buzzfloyd an urgent look as she slammed the door to the sickbay. The hunted look of those who had spent too much time in the company of Delphine's exuberence. As in over 5 minutes. "Oh well, if this Grace girl doesn't show up, I'm sure you can show me the way to the kitchen, can't you ??? You never seem to do anything much, though, doesn't the Captain mind ???" "This way." muttered Buzzfloyd through her teeth. "I'm sure Hsing will really enjoy having you as an assistant..." She virtually pulled the chattering girl all the way to the galley. Dear Gods, the girl could even do multiple question marks ! -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- "ZIPPO." "Listen Master, you can't just walk off, who'll do your job this time ? You know Susan's busy, and there'll be no end of trouble if you..." "OR ZAT. THAT'S A TRENDY NAME ISN'T IT." He wasn't listening, and Albert knew it. All he could do was wait for the storm to pass over, wait for the appropriate moment and pick up the pieces. "OK... ZAT IT IS. AND NOW, I NEED A VEHICLE." -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- "But whyyyyyy ???" "Look, yung girl, that's just how it goes, no carrots are to be eaten on this ship." "How silly ! Carrots are lovely, they're much nicer than cabbages." Hsing turned back to her cleaver and continued to chop her cabbage, desperately trying to resist the impulse to use the cleaver on a fellow human. "Just do the washing up for now, ve can talk about the menu later..."
Aye aye cook ! Chapter 8 – Kilt bill (volume 1) "LAAAAAAAAAANNNNND !" The cry was greeted with more cheers than usual, as the Curry Bean approached the coast of Bhangbhangduc. Land meant space, space meant getting away from her. Captain Karies finally emerged from his cabin, where he had been spending an unusually large amount of time, poring over his charts and books. Besides, his cabin was nice and cool compared to the climate which was getting swelteringly hot and humid. Karies was a hublander, and this tropical climate was not really his cup of tea. He mopped his forehead and called Doors over to him. "Ok, listen Doors, Delphine will want to visit when we get to Bhangbhangduc, and I want you to... escort her, and make sure she comes to no harm, you know how treacherous these tropical ports can be, don't you." "Ach, Captain, yah know Ah cannae bide the lass ! She'll drive me mad as a squirrel before the day's ova !" "Now now, Doors, someone has to do it. Of course, if something did happen to her, some kind of... accident, I would never dream of blaming you for it. Tropical ports are such dangerous places..." As he turned away from the troll, Karies gave him an unmistakeable wink. He made his way up to the wheel, where Buzzfloyd was getting the morporkian pavillion untangled and ready to hoist. "Grace, we need to talk about the next step of our journey. Could you come down to my cabin when you've finished please ?" He turned and walked away without waiting for an answer, leaving Buzzfloyd simutaneously excited at being let into the secret and puzzled by the captain's politeness. Down on the deck, Delphine was bubbling away again, the girl talked so much and so loud you could hear her moving about almost anywhere on the ship. Some of the crew members had even volunteered for night watch, as the only time she ever stopped was when she was asleep. And even then, she snored. ** Later, in the streets of the "capital" of Bhangbhangduc ** "Oh what a quaint village this is Doors, don't you just love the sweet little carvings and the reed roofs..." "Darn fimmale..." "Oh will you just look at these traditional costumes !! Oh I do love plaid..." "Thank you" Delphine spun round and stared at... nothing. She kranked her gaze down a few notches and saw a small woman in a traditional costume like the one she had been admiring, looking up at her with the sort of smile shop employees worldwide wear when they have just spotted a sure sell. "My name is Plaid, I'm glad to hear that you like my work." "You make these clothes ? Oh wooooowee, they are just sooooo goooorgeous, how much are they ?" And so began the long ceremony of the shopping spree. Roughly an hour later, Delphine left the shop wwith a spring in her step and Doors less so, as he was weighed down with tens of bags and packets. "I'm sure the Captain will just love the uniforms we've bought, Doors, the crew will look sooooo sweet in coordinated red tartan !!" In her shop, Plaid looked around the now empty shelves and counted the coins that were the advance on that strange girl's order. She had left a slip with a note saying to report to Captain Karies on the Curry Bean for the rest of the payment. Bah, even if the captain didn't pay up, the advance was almost as much as the stuff was worth, everyone knew red was last year's colour anyway, but that girl had agreed to pay almost three times the price. Plaid closed the door and wandered down to the harbour to collect enough money to live off comfortably for the next 5 years.
Here you are KK, but you won't find out what happens to your gold until at least chapter 10 Chapter 9 – Kilt bill (volume 2) "Grace, have you ever heard of Soul Cake Island ?" Karies was sitting at his desk, his eyes still on the charts in front of him as Buzzfloyd walked in. Lying on the chart, next to his right hand, was the object she had seen him hide away so preciously. It was small, and silver, and shaped like a pie. "Sit down, Grace, this may take a while..." -o-o-o-o-o-o- As the approached the ship, through the market, at some point, Doors lost sight of his protegée, and was almost feeling relieved until she appeared again a little further away. That wink the captain had given him had been clear as crystal. Get rid of her. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to be nasty to the girl. That was probably the most annoying thing about her, she got on everyone's nerves, but no-one dared to be rude or nasty to her, they just pretended not to mind and avoided her, and moaned about her behind her back. She was the kind of person that make you wonder if other people are doing the same thing to you. As the troll was deep in his thoughts (as deep as troll thoughts go) he didn't realize until they had almost reached the ship that the captain's wink had been as good as an order, and he had just disobeyed it. Also, he wasn't quite sure what had gone on in that shop, nor what was in all these packages, but somehow he had the nasty feeling that he was going to get blamed for this. Oh well, nothing new there. And lo, as they reached the ship, the Captain was there, watching their progress with a strange look on his face. Doors was suddenly thankful for having all this stuff to hide behind as the climbed the gangway, Delphine was still chatting along happily to herself as if he was listening, until they reached the deck, when she launched her verbal boarding party on Karies and Buzzfloyd, who were wearing matching strange expressions. Doors dropped the packages on the deck as the Captain was distracted, and made his way below as quickly and discreetly as possible. "Captain, you are just going to looooove this !" Ye gods, it was going to be bloody murder. -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- The coach had started out life as a normal stagecoach, but now the horses were gone, it was a dark shiny black and it was rather... covered with pointy things and surrounded by a magical octarine glow. Surprisingly, it looked quite good, in a bad sort of way. Death flourished a bony hand at his latest creation. "BEHOLD. THE ZATMOBILE." Alfred eventually shut his gaping mouth. "Ok, right, that's it, go on, have fun, go driving off in that...", he waved a dismissive hand at the coach, "that monstrosity, but don't expect me to go round pretending to be your posh butler, and don't come complaining when you mess up space-time continuinuinuimium again..." And he stormed off to sulk in the kitchen. -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Plaid reached the ship and approached one of the sailors who was hanging around nearby. "Excuse me," she said, with her best money-collecting smile, "where could I find Captain Karies ? I have a small bill for him." It wasn't exactly a lie, the piece of paper was really quite small, however the figure on it wasn't...
Fresh off the press, here's episode 10 **drum roll** Chapter 10 – Blaming private Doors. "DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORS !!!" The voice of his captain rang and echoed around the crew's quarters, as Doors sat huddled in a corner, praying all available gods to just stop this happening. Unfortunately for him, the gods were all busy at that point and there was no tone after which to leave a message. And besides, the gods always like a laugh. Eventually, after the captain had almost shouted himself hoarse, Doors got to his feet, and made his way up to the deck. With a little luck, Captain Karies would be so worn out from shouting he wouldn't have much energy left for inventing the cruel and unusual punishments he was so good at. The luck you have requested is not available at the moment, please feel free not to leave a message. Beep. On deck, everything seemed disturbingly calm, which after two weeks of sailing with Delphine was uncanny. There was no sign of her on deck, but apart from her, all the other crew members were ready and waiting, watching his wooden expression as he rose from the companionway. "Come here Doors." "Ach, Cap'n, Ah ken what ye's gonna say, but Ah just couldn'ae do it ta the poor lass !" "Bah, that's not the problem Doors. It's about all the stuff you allowed to let her order on my account." Oh oh, thought Doors, the captain's doing italics too now. This isn't looking good. "Ach, Cap'n what did ya do to the poor wee lass ? Ah didnae hear a splash, nor no screamin', where is she ?" "How noble of you to worry about her, Doors. Don't fret yourself, she's down below in the galley, where she'll be washing dishes for the rest of the journey, and in silence." Doors glanced at Hsing, who was looking suspiciously relieved. His glance went over to the spot where he had dropped the goods and fled, there was nothing there. "Ah, yes, I managed to come to an arrangement with the young lady from the shop, she wasn't all that happy, but I gave her most of the goods back, and added a couple of rolls of that nice crushed silk we picked up from that merchant ship last month. Sacharissa had her eye on it, but I'm afraid it was that or Matching Red Uniforms." The last three words almost echoed, and their capital letters burned brightly in the air... well, almost. Doors looked down at his feet. "Ahm sorry Cap'n Ah dinnae ken how it came aboot..." "Don't worry, Doors, it has all been sorted out, and you are doubly lucky to be the only person on board who will probably never need Sacharissa's good will to stay alive..." The doctor shot the troll a dark look, he looked down again. "And besides, I have saved you a souvenir of this little... episode." added Karies, picking up a paper bag from beside him and giving it to the guilt-ridden troll. "I'm sure you will make a point of honour never to depart yourself from this gift, will you, Doors. Except to wash it, of course." Doors opened the bag, and pulled out a length of bright red tartan and a belt. A troll in a skirt... darn the captain could be cruel in his own special way.
Chapter 11 – Something's cooking. Hints of redness still haunted Delphine's cheeks, she still felt the burning flush of the unfairness of punishment rising to her cheeks whenever the cycle of thought in her head made it back round to the captain's reaction. It was so unfair, she had only meant well, and the clothes hadn't even been that expensive, after all, this place was hardly a place for trends and fashion. Really, the captain had no real reason to complain. And to send her here and forbid her to speak until they reached their destination was totally unreasonable, it wasn't as if she even talked that much, and the crew never said anything much to her anyway... She felt like a rebellious child, sent to her room for some silly thing not even worth mentioning. Well she would show them. She had brought back a couple of other things from the market, she would soon show the crew that she was only being helpful, and then, they would all love her... -o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Up in the captain's cabin, far from Delphine's sulky thoughts of girly revenge, Karies and Buzzfloyd were back to studying the charts and books that were now even more strewn around the place. Karies circled an empty spot on the chart with a pencil. "You see, Grace, this is where the island should be, this is where the compass points to..." "Hmm... yes, I see, but... there's nothing charted there Sir, and it's quite far from the nearest inhabited island, we must make sure we have enough food and water to make it there and back at least, more if we need to look around a bit." "Yes, exactly... The hold will need... emptying." The two sat siently looking at each other at this thought. The Curry Bean had only made short trips for quite some time, and the storage space in the galley had been enough for the food they needed, they had never been far from land. The loot had now gone, sold off as they went, the last had been sold to merchants in Terrapina. But still, if they were to store extra drinking water and food, they would need to make more space and that meant dealing with... piñatas. -o-o-o-o-o-o- As the crew gathered round for their evening meal, sitting on deck in the warm tropical evening breeze, Delphine made her way to the captain's cabin with two bowls of stew. She was feeling incredibly pleased with herself for adding a little something without Hsing noticing. The cook had not been feeling all that good, although she claimed to be alright when she had gestured her concern, she had immediately doubled up as if her stomach hurt and made strange choking noises and headed for sickbay. Delphine wondered what was wrong with her, but the captain had been adamant, she must not speak or she would be confined to her room. The bowls sloshed a little as the set them down on the small table the captain used for his meals, a few drops of broth narrowly missing the pages of an open book. The captain waved her out without looking up, and she left, a new flush rising to her cheeks. Buzzfloyd went over to the table, picked up a bowl and examined the contents. "Oh, good, for once it's not just cabba... Oh NO !" Even as she said this, from outside came a bloodcurdling yelp. -o-o-o-o-o-o-o- "Ach, I promise you, Avgi, I just could not stop laughing, the poor girl's face... and when she tried to make signs to me, making sure she didn't speak, I almost fainted trying not to laugh out loud in her face..." Hsing was perched on the doctor's table, chatting with Sacharissa about the events of the day. The door was pushed open, and Delphine entered with the last 2 bowls of stew, pushing the door open with her back, so Hsing had time to put on a fittingly ill expression, clutching her stomach. As the girl put the bowls down on the desk and gave the cook a concerned look, they heard the cry...
**Mania(Kat)cal laughter** MOUAHAHAHAHA !!! You'll have to waiiiiit Episode 12 is half written, but it's at work ! Glad you're enjoying it !
Chapter 12 – Scream 2 "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH !" As Captain Karies and Buzzfloyd arrived on the deck, Hsing, Sacharissa and Delphine were appearing at the top of the companionway that lead up from the sickbay. On the deck, several crewmen were gathered round, holding down the madly flailing figure of a sailor that had been introduced to Delphine as "Ben". It was taking the crew quite some strength to hold him down, his arms and legs flying out wildly and unpredictably. As they approached, Rinso was thrown from the mêlée, and landed on the deck a few feet away, clutching his groin*. Buzzfloyd dashed over to Delphine and slapped her smartly in the face. "You stupid girl !! What the hell put this great idea into your bird brain, eh ? Carrot in the stew, for Grammar's sake !!" "Carrot ?? Ye gods !" gasped Sacharissa, turning her heels and dashing back down the steps. Tears of surprise and shock were welling up in Delphine's eyes, she turned her head this way and that, the few crewmen who were not actively trying to control Ben's fit had turned towards her and were giving her the blackest looks she had ever seen. Hsing's eyes were so wide open they looked as if they might pop out and go rolling around on the deck. Delphine pushed this mental image out of her brain and looked pleadingly from the cook to Buzzfloyd, and then to the captain. "Arch, I told you about carrots, you nincompoop, I varned you, but you never [i:3b87ff38d3]listen [/i:3b87ff38d3]!" hissed Hsing, glaring at her, Delphine opened her mouth to protest, but before she could speak, the whole ship shook and they were all knocked off their feet, including Sacharissa, who had just made it to the top of the companionway. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH !!" The bellowing cry echoed round the ship, and sent a shiver up the spine of every inhabitant of the small port and every crewman of the Curry Bean. More so for those who knew what it meant. It had a different tone in it from the previous cry, yes it was louder, but there was also a new edge to it. Before, it had been a cry of pain, a human cry. Now, it appealed to every human's guttaral instincts, it said "Run, Hide, you are in Danger !" The crew melted back from the struggling figure, there was no use trying to hold him down now, and they knew it. The aim of the game now was to get away from him as fast and as far as possible. Hsing had made it to the companionway and was attending to Sacharissa who had taken a nasty fall down the steps, she was concious but rather shaken. Propping the doctor up against the wooden wall of the corridor that lead to the sickbay, she grabbed the battered package Sacharissa had been carrying and with a last check on her friend, she made her way towards the deck. Meanwhile, on deck, Delphine was suddenly feeling lonlier than anyone else on the Disc. Everyone had made their way away from the rising figure of what had been Ben, they had all headed away from her as well, and were now hiding with more or less skill at the other end of the deck or on the forecastle. Rinso had found a perfect hiding place by upturning an empty bowl on his head. The thing was looking at her, with those strange eyes, its shape was now barely humanoid, Ben's slight fighure had become a mass of orange muscle, his head had swollen up, his shoulders widening and swelling upwards so his neck dissapeared, his legs had hardly changed. The general impression was that of a giant... carrot. As Hsing was panting up the steps of the companionway, the Ben-Carrot took its first step towards the terrified girl. *clutching in a totally unusual and therefore non-sexual manner, obviously.
Now that's an allergic reaction to scare any mother out of feeding you vegetation. Nice reading Kat. More please. When you're ready.
Chapter 13 (the evil chapter) – The curse of the were-carrot. Delphine cowered as the strange orange being lurched in her direction, pressing her back into the wall as if she wanted to melt into it. The Ben-Carrot's eyes were bulging in their sockets, shot with red veines and slightly crossed as he glared at her madly. His arms were still flailing wildly, sometimes thumping his hands against a chest that looked as if it would burst. His shirt and trousers had ripped and lay in shreds on the deck, and defying all logic, all that was left looked like a pair of tight and ripped shorts. Some things never change. At the other end of the deck, leaning against the railing between the middle deck and the forecastle, Buzzfloyd was watching the scene with a strange mixture of fear and satisfaction. Well this should calm the wretched girl down, if this didn't teach her a lesson, she wondered what could. She hadn't seen Ben in this strange state for many years now, in fact not since they had first met. [Insert floaty flashback effects here] He had been a circus attraction, in transit on a ship they once boarded. He had been locked in a cage that sported a painting sign around the top, that read "The Amazing E-Man !" although he was a small skinny boy who didn't look as if he would hurt a fly. She had thought that the circus must have imprisoned him to punish him or something, and had convinced Captain Karies to free him and take him on as ship's boy. Everything had gone well for many weeks, until one day, after filling up with fresh provisions in a small port, they had had cabbage stew with carrots in it. Thankfully, they were still at quay, and he hadn't caused much damage to the ship before lurching off to terrify the local population. In the end, he had climbed to the top of the Great Tower of Offler, the highest building in town with its breathtaking three storeys, and the townsfolk, who had of course formed a mob once they had overcome their initial suprise, had pelted him with rotten vegetables from nearby windows until he fell off and was knocked out. Sacharissa had been the one to find the bane for this strange ailment, if it wasn't for her, Ben would have been vegetabled to death by the angry mob... [Insert flash forward effects here] Sacharissa... Strange, thought Buzzfloyd, as sher thoughts cleared of misty memories, where was the doctor, why hadn't she stopped the creature ? Damn. Ben. Why hadn't she stopped Ben ? She always felt bad when she felt Ben was being treated differently because of his... condition, even when it was only a thought in her head. Poor boy... Something was wrong, the few times they had had to deal with this kind of situation, the doctor had been fast to intervene and stop Ben before he hurt anyone or did any damage to the ship or himself. Where was she ? Buzzfloyd was heading down towards the deck as Hsing appeared on deck carrying the package, endeavouring to rip it open. And as she appeared, the Ben-Carrot reached out towards Delphine and the girl slumped to the ground, in a faint. When Delphine opened her eyes, the memories of previous events were a little fuzzy. Actually the girl's brain was fuzzy even at the best of times, but now more than usual she was having trouble thinking straight... She knew she had been scared, trying to escape something, but what ? The colour orange piped up at the back of her mind, soon joined by an eager carrot shape, trying to attract her attention. Carrots, she though, finally. Something to do with carrots ? She turned her head and realised she was on one of the bunks of the sickbay. On the bunk opposite lay Sacharissa, who seemed to be sleeping quietly. Delphine was aware of noise outside, people talking, walking around on deck, the usual sounds of the Curry Bean. At the desk, Hsing was slumped on her folded arms, looking exhausted. The memory of being shouted at surfaced in Delphine's mind, and she decided that remaining unconcious (or appearing to) may just be the best way not to get shouted at again for a while, and she slumped back and closed her eyes.
Oh well, here goes the next episode Chapter 14 – Piñatas... of doom The deck was now calm, Ben was resting in the crew's quarters, the mess had been cleared up, the Package stored away in an easily accessible place, Hsing had attended to Delphine and Sacharissa and they were all now sleeping it off. In fact, most of the crew were now asleep, except for those on night duty. Comfortably seated on her bunk, alone in the women's cabin, Buzzfloyd was pondering the task ahead. Finding Soul Cake Island was a dream many a pirate had dreamt, especially late at night, alone at the wheel, or drunk in some tavern. But being faced with the reality of such a quest was quite different. It was exciting of course, but it also made her apprehensive, almost worried. There were stories... The growing anxiousness she felt led her to think of a rather more immediate task. The piñatas had to be removed from the hold. Apart from Rinso, everyone avoided going down there since his collection had grown and... well... started growing in another way. The papier maché outside cases were traditionally made with flour-based glue, and were only designed to be kept for a short time before being broken and discarded... After a while, the pile of sweet and cake-filled shells had begun to grow a layer of mould, and the smell had grown with it... Anyone who tried to shift that lot would have to have a solid stomach. And then of course, there was Rinso. No-one really knew why he was so fond of piñatas, and they tried not to wonder where and how he acquired them, but the strange sailor was deeply attached to his collection and it would be hard on him to see it dissapear... And harder more for the crew to stop him attacking anyone who went near it with his lethal spork. There must be an easier way... Buzzfloyd decided that she needed some serious help on this, and went back up on deck. Chrisjordan was sitting alone beside the gunwail, his legs with their oddly colourful shoes dangling over the side. He was smoking a bubble pipe and offered it to her as she came and sat down beside him. She declined, with a smile. "C.J., I need some help. It's about Rinso." -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Pink poneys with blue tails galopped through Rinso's dreams, over flower-strew prairies of yellow grass, and blue and green birds twittered as they flew overhead. He ran towards them, his hands outstretched, he ran... and fell, down, down, down... And woke up suddenly. The first rays of golden morning light were making their way through the small and dusty porthole high up on the opposite wall, how could he have slept so late ? And... why couldn't he move ? He wriggled his fingers, his wrists were tied behind his back, and someone had sewn his hammock up so only his head was still sticking out. Oh right, another one of their pranks, he thought they had got over it by now... "C'mon people ! This ain't funny ! I got work to do !" And then the smell reached him. The smell of burning mould. -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Doors had long ago given up wondering why he always got to do the dirty work. Racial discrimination it was ! Just because he was a troll... "Pick up this big rock for me Doors, break this iron door open for me Doors, carry these 3 tons of loot on board for me Doors..." As if they couldn't do it themselves, the ungrateful scunners... Bah, so they said "please" and "thank you" most of the time, it was still discrimination ! He threw the last shovel-full of mouldy piñata remains into the large bucket and hauled on the rope that would take it up to the deck to be burned like the rest. It would take ages to get rid of the smell... but still, at least it was a good job well done, the situation had been getting ridiculous. "Ahm done dahn here !" he called, as Chris grabbed the bucket above deck, "and Ah'll be darned if Ah clean the place oop, Ah've had it !" "Don't worry Doors, ve're on it." said a strangely clad figure that had just come through the door behind him and sounded strangely like a muffled version of Hsing. Behind it were other strange figures, and squinting through the gloom of the hold after looking through the sun-filled hatch, Doors finally recognized a team of sou'westered sailors, all brandishing mops, brushes, buckets and various cleaning implements. The Cleaning was to begin. And through the air came the desperate cry of the depiñata'd Rinso.
Chapter 15 – The cat in the hat. "HELLO MADAM, MAY I BE OF SOME ASSISTANCE ?" "Her ?" yelped the woud-be bag snatcher, "Why not help me ?!!!" Death watched as the woman, whom some would describe as "traditionally built", continued to bash the living daylights out of the young man with a large and ornate leather handbag. The amateur thief was now cowering in a ball of pain and shame against the nearest wall, trying desperately to dissapear into a hole in the ground, of the kind that are never around when you need one. Obviously, she had the situation under control. It was proving to be harder than he had thought to find innocent people to defend. Maybe he shouldn't have started in Ankh-Morpork. -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- "Hmwhy is de ship called De Currrrry bean, huh ? Currrry does not come in beans." Sacharissa looked up from the firepit, where she had been dutifully poking the last burning remnants of piñatas, to try to locate the source of the voice. It had sounded high-pitched, yet had an unusual edge to it. She had seen people's voices described as a purr in books, but not until now had she ever realized what it really meant. Her eyes setled on the only other figure around, a large ginger cat who was sitting about a yard away from her, watching the ship with that thoughtful look that cats usually only grant to buzzing insects or meat-laden unwatched tables. The cat turned to look at her with its round golden eyes, and then, to her surprise, it got up on its hind paws, picked up the soft felt hat that had been lying next to it and wandered over to her. "Currry, you know, is made from a mixture of spices, it is de Klatchian word for sauce. Of courrrse, derrre is the currrry plant, but dis is not used forrr preparing de sauce, no no, dere are also currrry leaves, but no, dere are no currrry beans. Of course, it could mean a currrry served with beans, but then, the phrrrasing would be quite wrong..." Sacharissa suddenly noticed she was gawping quite rudely at the strange creature, and remembered to close her mouth. The cat smiled at her. Well, that's what it looked like, you can never really be sure, with a cat face. "Hmmaybe you are not accustomed to seeing talking felines, am I right ?" She gave him a surprised nod, and a confused smile. "Hmy name is Puss, Puss Von Butts." He pronounced the last part "boots", but the card he flourished at Sacharissa confirmed the original spelling. She took it gingerly (no pun intended ) and examined it. She looked up from the card and smiled again. "I am pleased to meet you, Mr Von Butts, what brings you to visit us ?" "Ah, de young lady has a tongue after all, I was affrraid de cat had got it !" He smiled. "Please, my friends and pretty ladies call me Pixel." He winked at her. "I have come to offer my services to your Capten, I have heard that you are leaving for a long journey, yes ?" "Oh, yes, we should be leaving soon, once the supplies are on board." "Hmmwell, you see, I have had enough of dis... place." He waved a disdainful paw at the old houses along the quayside and the old town that stretched back from the see into the luxurious jungle. "De mice in Bhangbhangduc lack... savour, they lack piquant, a male like myself, I need... excitement, adventure !" He sat back down on his hind legs and scratched at his ear with one of them. "And de place is full of fleas and ticks, de jungle is no place for a civilized cat !" "Well..." said Sacharissa, "I will go and tell the Captain, would you be so kind as to watch the fire while I'm away ? It's nearly out anyway, it shouldn't need much attention." The cat nodded, and curled up near the warm firepit as the doctor walked towards the ship.
Chapter 16 – Leaving Butts behind Captain Karies greeted the news with a raised eyebrow, but Sacharissa wasn't one for telling tall stories, or indeed stories of any height, so he followed her down to the quayside, where he was greeted with the sight of an unsuspecting Puss licking himself. The Captain gave a polite cough, and the cat started then gave him what a cat can do best as embarrassed smiles go, along with a side order of shrug. "Huh, Capten, I wasn't expecting you so soon, de young miss must be quite persuasive, usually, people need more time to be convinced." "Mister... Butts, is it ?" said an astonished Karies. "It is pronounced with a long u, Capten, as you would say boots." corrected Puss, with the readiness proper to all those who are inflicted with an unpronounceable name. "I trust de miss has told you why I am here ? "Um... yes, she, did... give me a brief idea, but we are preparing for a long journey, Mister Butts, and the ship is fully manned already. Any extra passenger must be worth the rations we will need to take onboard for him. I am not entirely sure what services you are offering us..." "Ah, Capten, I see you are a rational man, yes ! Of course, you must think of food and water ! But you see, I am small, and I eat little, I don't take up much room, and of course, I will help you keep down the rat population, eh !" He gave a cheeky wink. "And obviously, if and when the need arises, Capten, I will show you my skills as a fighter and swordsman extraordinaire !" By this time, Puss was prancing around on his hind paws, gesturing sword movements with the small rapier that he wore on a green baldric slung over one shoulder. Karies glanced at Sacharissa, then back to the cat. Wooden trolls and piñatas were bad enough, but some things, he decided, were just too weird. -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- "Ooooooh a pussycat !!!" squealed Delphine, before she remembered her forced vow of silence, and tried to look suitably embarrassed and sorry in case anyone was looking. She had been watching over the gunwale as Karies and Sacharissa talked with Puss Von Butts, and as the Captain and the doctor came back on board without him, she ran up to ask what was going on, and barely remembered in time not to blurt out, and instead stood waiting, looking eagerly at the Captain. He noticed her, glanced down at the ginger figure on the quay, and back at her eager face. "No. He's not coming, Delphine, we will have enough mouths to feed. Now go and help Hsing load the food." As he turned and stomped off towards his cabin, she waited, looking dissapointed, then turned and ran dutifully down the gangway to collect another armful of food parcels from the quayside. -o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- "Grace, is everything ready ?" Down in the freshly scrubbed and filled hold, where the lingering smell of mould had almost been fully covered by that of fresh foodstuffs and the wet wood of the water barrels, Buzzfloyd was putting a final neat tick against her inventory list. "Aye Captain, it's all here, we're ready to leave !" The loading had taken two days, and the restlessness of the crew was a good sign that it was time to go. That's how you could tell a sailor, she thought, they may be eager to see land, but they couldn't stay too long, the open sea was calling. Open sea™, and Adventure™.
I still enjoy reading this, Kat. Nuffin like a good story to break up my day. So that's unknown waters and adventures counted for. Now you have to find out a way to weave in both the constaple and the intendent into your story. ;-)
Great start Katcal. Spent a few minutes on the floor just trying to stand up again after a laughing fit. Keep smoking the anthracite or whatever and give us part 2....soon! (alright just to annoy Terry with the grammar)... Soon !!!!!!!!
So, since Kat so kindly printed out the first ten chapters of this for me just before my birthday, I then failed to read it for several months (the only thing I'd had time to read since then was Wintersmith, and even that nearly didn't happen - stupid college, stupid work). Yesterday, I was feeling absolutely miserable with this stupid sinusitis/cold thing, and had gone to bed feeling sore and achey all over. I decided I needed something to read to take my mind off feeling ill, so I went and found the Curry Bean. I was laughing almost continually (which also made me cough a lot, but we won't hold that against the author), and I was seriously impressed by the combination of a Discworld feel, a Boardanian vibe, and a genuinely deft hand for comedic timing. I haven't read the subsequent chapters yet, but I look forward to doing so (and if an idle Kat were to print them out for me and send them as a book again, that would be even better...). It also distracted me from feeling ill and cheered me up no end. Kat feeds me brain-biscuits. Thank you, Kat!
Hmm, brain biscuits... That almost beats chocolate coated hearts, doesn't it Thanks for the comments Grace, I'm glad you liked it and that it made you feel a bit better I should get writing again soon, I'm waiting for a decent quantity of inspiration, as I felt the story was gettting written "because it should continue" rather than because I had some decent jokes to place and things to tell, towards the end of part 1... I'll print you out the last few chapters Grace, as the rest may take some time And gain, if anyone else prefers the paper version, just shout...
