Revenge of the Gameshow

Discussion in 'BOARDANIA' started by chrisjordan, Sep 11, 2007.

  1. chrisjordan New Member

    So, I felt like resurrecting the Gameshow, an ongoing game we did for the first time on the old board not long before the move, and the second time just under two years ago. Although the second attempt didn't live past the first round, the Gameshow has proved to be a lot of lovely chaotic fun once it gets going.

    As the old threads show, all you have to do is participate in whatever rounds are presented to gain points. There's no obligation to take part in every round, and new participants can join whenever.

    There are no actual rules. Each round will involve a simple task to fulfill, and some points are given for right answers when they exist, but usually the majority are given instead for inventiveness or hilarity. The dealing of points is highly irregular and depends entirely on the whims and bias of the hosts. Bonus rounds, shock events and 'useful' prizes are often liberally interspersed, but to avoid confusion we'll deal with them if and when we get there.

    Ella is usually my co-host and will likely reprise her role, markedly inferior though it is, but as of yet she is not aware that this thread exists. So we shall begin without her.

    To get us going before the main events, a warm-up round.

    Round Zero: Big Up Yo'self

    The aim of this round is simple: to establish yourself as a fierce competitor, to prove your worth and to mock the competition through verbal declaration. Draw attention to yourselves. Jeer, goad and threaten. Assign yourself some theme music. Obviously, the better you do it, the more points you get. So...

    BEGIN.
  2. spiky Bar Wench

    Huh I'm the first to join the game! No one can beat that :)
  3. Perdita New Member

    well you know what they say :

    First the worst
    Second the best (me)
    Third the one with the hairy chest




    Go on reply.... I dare you
  4. chrisjordan New Member

  5. Roman_K New Member

    I let my Russian bodyguards handle such puny matters nowadays.

    Boris? Maim.
  6. redneck New Member

    I'm a raging redneck with a rabid raccoon and I'm not afraid to use him. You may be smarter than me, better lookin than me, and even better than me but you won't stand a chance against Rascal the Raccoon. Go ahead and give up now. I'll take my trophy, go home, and nobody will have to bleed.
  7. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Well, now the rabble have had their turn, let me step up and accept the challenge. As for making myself look good... well, I posted just after Roman, what more does one need to provide flattering contrast ?

    As for hairy chests, CJ, I'm sure you're a David Hasselhoff lookalike from neck to bellybutton :wink:
  8. Orrdos God

    You want me to big myself up?

    It's like my specialist subject!

    Well, I'm fucking ace. Basically.

    Infact, do I need to say any more? My mere name alone should inspire you all with the fear and sinking dread of knowing I'm going to crush you all.

    Might as well give up now, really. Feeble fools.
  9. Stercus Stercus New Member

    Ok, I'll do this the simple way.

    I'm optimus , sic effercio ceterus.

    :tongue:
  10. Tephlon Active Member

    I'm in. Might as well enjoy myself with your feeble attempts.
  11. Delphine New Member

    >enters to rapturous applause<

    Thank you, thank you all! Your favourite hostess has returned to bestow upon you all the gift of her presence. Admire my fantasticness! Gasp over my utter wonderfulness! Swoon in your millions and rejoice! The NUMBER ONE BESTEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE LIVING OR DEAD is back!

    :pirate:

    So! what's the first round?
  12. Cynical_Youth New Member

    I'm... pretty okay?
  13. Electric_Man Templar

  14. Rincewind Number One Doorman

    Tina Turner once wrote a song.It was called 'Simply the Best.' I've never heard this song, I don't listen to the works of Tina Turner- the big haired fool. But I can only assume the song references me by name at least 17 times. If not it's clearly inaccrate and mis-leading. I as I am, to put it simply (something that Tina fails at) the best.

    Once fat artist missy elliot and sister to possible peadofile Micheal Jackson Janet Jackson once wrote (or rather re-released) the lyrics "your so vain, i bet you think this song is about you, don't you" This song is also about me and thats not vainity, the song ,*is* about me. Although, i have much to be (justly) vain about. It's merely a case that the song has to be about someone. They probably sung about me after they heard Tina crowing my praise.

    Alaness Morset wrote the song "ironic". This has nothing to do we me, but i'd like to point out that the only thing 'ironic' in that song is her inability to grasp what the concept of 'irony' actually means.

    As for assigning a theme song, i will write my own. it's set to a folk-jazz fusion four bars to the beat.

    'Beneath his slender frame,
    lies a rage you cannot tame,
    With elbows of steel,
    and facial hair you'd love to feel.
    The hobo hero of the night,
    he'll piss on your shoes in a fight!
    It's R I N O S- Rinos!
    Thats I R N S O-Rinso!
    Who? R I N S %-Rinso!
    HE'S GOING TO BRICK YOUR FACE.
    AND IN THE END YOU'LL THANK HIM!
    RRRRRRIIIIIINNNNNNNSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO!
  15. chrisjordan New Member

    Right, some initial point giving...

    Spiky: 2 points for being first.

    Perdita: 1 point for good appropriation of a classic rhyme.

    Roman: -1 for getting Boris to do the dirty work.

    Redneck: 2 points for flashy and alliterative talk. -1 point for getting Rascal the Raccoon to do it.

    Katcal: 2 points for making me laugh with the Roman comment. -1 point for not actually being right after Roman. -1 point for the implication that I have a saggy, middle-aged torso.

    Doors:...eh, 1 point. You kind of built it up to an anti-climax there. I expected more!

    Stercus: I am conflicted as to whether or not I should give or deduct points. I had to spend valuable personal time translating the Latin. 1 point, I guess.

    Tephlon: Meh, half a point. Is that, like, all you got?

    Ella: loser.

    CY: When I first read that, my brain added an extra comma and I was momentarily startled by your statement. 1 point as compensation for me mistakenly thinking you were being weird.

    Ben. Ben, Ben, Ben. -1 point for being a smart-arse. 1 point because I know you can't help it.

    Rinso: 5 points for the theme song. I laughed considerably. 2 points for the build-up referencing other artists and for throwing an insult Alanis' way. Even if it wasn't relevant, it was amusing.
  16. Electric_Man Templar

    As you used my name four times, that obviously makes me the winner.

    Worryingly, that makes Roman second...
  17. chrisjordan New Member

    Ben: -1 point.
  18. Cynical_Youth New Member

    Heh.

    Rinso's entry rocked.
  19. Tephlon Active Member

    It was meant to convey the apathy of the truly superior.
    Obviously you don't get it.
  20. redneck New Member

    I've noticed a trend here. If we offend the Great and Mighty CJ then we lose a point? What if the Great and Mighty CJ is ladled with with praise and gifts? Does that have any benefit?
  21. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Come now CJ, I was of course reffering to the young and hunky hairy Hoff, we all know that after Baywatch he ceased to exist in this world leaving only a fading ghost behind him. And I did post right behind Roman, I did, it's just that that redneck must have pressed his button seconds before I pressed mine merely to thwart my secret plan for world domination. See, he's done it again, posted before me and trying to corrupt the wonderful spunkadelic host ! Cheater !! **points angry shaking finger** (although not, of course, as funky as the wonderful gorgeolistic Elle Bella... :cool: )
  22. Tephlon Active Member

    What's that film called again?

    Something like "The Brown-nosed Bunny"...? ;-)
  23. Katcal I Aten't French !

    I believe you're thinking of "Who framed Roger Rabbit" :cool:
  24. Electric_Man Templar

    So is there a second round or are we just going to listen to Katcal try to vindaloo favour?
  25. chrisjordan New Member

    Actually, I have in the past deducted many points when people's sucking up has creeped me out. It shouldn't take a genius, however, to realise that I am not going to be generous towards those who attempt to impinge my good name (that being, of course, CJ Sparkle) in their complaining about my dealing of points.

    Not so Ella, who is a gullible and deluded fool and will shower you with points the more sycophantic you get. Alas, these are the inevitable consequences that she must face, being a lesser mortal and a massive loser.

    Also, generally I like to be a bastard about these things. It's fun. And Ben asks for it anyway. However, in an act of great kindness, I shall not deduct further points from Katcal, even though I ought to seeing as 'the wonderful gorgeolistic Ella Bella' makes me sick.

    That is all.
  26. Stercus Stercus New Member

    Rumex pro usura sursum vestri alio vicis oh valde unus. :lol:
  27. Tephlon Active Member

    Just to annoy you: Ik ga in het nederlands schrijven mas de repente posso veranderen para português (Just to annoy CJ). Nedergees, zeg maar. Ou Portudês, tanto faz.
    Dutchugese (The language) for the win.


    At least my language is young and has a spring in it's step. Bah.
  28. Stercus Stercus New Member

    You write in Dutch but you may suddenly change to Portuguese. Am I close?

    I'm not that easily annoyed and I love a challenge.
  29. Tephlon Active Member

    ... Yes...
  30. spiky Bar Wench

    Bring on the first round... I want to see these people be so witty when they have to use the english language... instead of trying to appear more intelligent with the use of lesser, more inferior, languages.
  31. Tephlon Active Member

    Dutchuguese is NOT an inferior language. It's so superior you need to be bi-lingual to understand it.
  32. chrisjordan New Member

    Thing the first: a few weeks ago, I met up with a few people you might know, in that rather large city they call London. One of these individuals, who for the sake of this round we shall name the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host, has earned a certain reputation as occasionally a bit of a hazard to be around. I believe, for example, that a certain Mr Snails has been accidentally punched in the face once or twice.

    After spending the night at a hostel, we were sat at a breakfast table discussing the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host's reputation and how she had spent the night slamming every door she encountered, while the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host herself went into the kitchen to put her dishes in the dish rack.

    There was a loud crash. The Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host had broken the dish rack.


    Thing the second: last night I watched Final Destination.


    And so I present to you: Round One: Final Bumbling Destination. The aim of this one is to think of the most creative chain of events that the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host could cause that would lead to the injury of one or more persons within a range of proximities. The injuries do not have to be fatal.
  33. Electric_Man Templar

    I think the real challenge for this game is to make up an incident that the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host hasn't already perpetrated. That's a very short list.

    And before anyone gets fernickety, this isn't my entry.
  34. Delphine New Member

    >zaps Chris with zappo-prod<

    As an extra challenge, if anyone can fit a haiku into their first round entry, extra points will be dished. Unlike my demonic, diabolic, infamous, scandalous, voluptuous co-host, I am not a meanie with the points.

    It doesn't have to be a string of haikus, or any other form of poetry. Just throw one in!
  35. Electric_Man Templar

    One woman named Snails.
    One convoluted event.
    There's one: BUMBRELLA!



    That's the tagline for this year's newest blockbuster - it's the story of a seemingly innocent person, who brings about the destruction of an ancient archipelago in the Pacific Ocean.

    Ella Snails is a young rich woman in Victorian England, who is laughed at and looked down upon for her penchant of walking into walls, people and expensive fragile items. It earns her the derisive nickname among the elite of 'Bumbrella'. Tired of the constant teasing in England, she decides to leave her life, and hopefully her bumbling, behind by joining a missionary group, who aim to convert the savages in the as yet un-fully-explored Pacific Ocean.

    Initially it all goes well, as a fellow missionary called Emma-Leah takes her under her wing and the journey to the other side of the world passes without incident. Until, that is, they reach the millennial old community on the island chain of Umboaresia.

    Whilst trying to convert the chieftain, Venorr, into the warm embrace of Christ, Bumbrella surfaces as Snails accidentally drops her bible onto his foot. Bending down to pick it up, she unwittingly headbutts him, causing Venorr to fall backwards down a cliff. Miraculously, he manages to hold onto a branch halfway down. Snails looks down and tells him to wait as she goes for help. Unconciously stomping as she turns to find Emma-Leah, Bumbrella loosens the ground, causing a large chunk of rock to fall on Venorr but more importantly, onto the branch which happens to be lodged in a fault that, when esposed, causes the slow but inevitable fall of Umboaresia into the depths of the ocean. The rest of the film is concerned with the desperate rescue mission of the poor inhabitants of the islands and the efforts of Snails to redeem herself, with mixed results.

    You should watch this film if you a fan of spectacular special effects and have the ability to suspend disbelief. But if you're not in the latter camp, then maybe you can comfort yourself with the fact that this is actually based on the true story of the person only known as the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host, her real name having been lost in the annals of time and extreme embarrassment.
  36. Tephlon Active Member

    Although a work of fiction, this may serve as a cautionary tale:

    ------------
    Ella, the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host, woke up with a start.

    Her radio alarm clock, for which she had accidentally turned the volume up instead of down, had Sonny and Cher belting out "I got you, Babe".
    The DJ cut in; "Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today."

    Ella, the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host, reaching for the Snooze button, slammed a hand into the night stand lamp, tipping it over. The lamp broke, and against all odds, shorted out. The radio clock turned off, the red glow of the numbers fading quickly.

    Ella, the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host, sighed and got out of bed into the dark. She successfully navigated the room, hallway and stairs only stubbing her toes four times - a personal record, she noted - and fumbled for the fusebox. The torch she had stashed inside gave off a sickly orangy-red glow when she turned it on. She felt her way to the hallway closet and opened it. By the light of the torch she could barely make out the huge stack of spare fuse boxes, although by now she knew where they were by touch alone.

    There were still enough left for the week, but she'd have to pass by Tesco's. They now kept a whole shelf stacked.

    She took out the old fuse and put the new one in. Nothing happened, which was good.
    She held her breath and flipped the main switch.
    The refrigerator hummed to life and in her bedroom Britney faked surprise at doing 'it' -whatever 'it' was- again, until, seconds later, a few -rather pretty- blue sparks took care of the new fuse.

    After tracking back to the bedroom, unplugging the lamp and radio -stubbing her toes 6 times in the processs and braining the headboard when wrestling with the electrical cord - she returned to the fusebox and inserted a new fuse.

    She flipped the main switch. Nothing happened.

    She felt for the light switch next to the door and flipped it carefully. Nothing continued to happen.

    She peeked out the window. The total absence of light in the street probably meant that another visit from Benjamin - Mr B. Lombard, inspector for the Electrical Company and assigned to case "3114" - was imminent.

    She just hoped it wasn't the whole neighbourhood again.

    Benjamin never showed up, and when Ella, the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host, rode her bike into Canterbury a few hours later, it was absolute chaos. No working traffic lights, no street lights. When she turned on her portable radio, all she got was static. This wasn't unusual, but even after adjusting the dial she got nothing. This worried her.

    2 weeks later, the government, who saw the way Kent had reacted, declared martial law in the whole of the UK, as the pound plummeted to a new low and gas prices sky-rocketed to a national high as the Electricity Company worked feverishly to get their stations back on line.

    The financial market in the rest of the world was in turmoil.

    Ella, the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host, was glad that Mr. Lombard -she felt she could never call him Benjamin again, or look him in the eye for that matter- seemed to either have forgotten about her or taken pity in her.

    Meanwhile, in the British section of the Guantanamo Bay 'Holding facility', prisoner 3114, formerly known as Benjamin, was trying to answer some rather dificult questions...

    -------
  37. Katcal I Aten't French !

    I'm lousy at haiku, so here's a limerick :

    There was a young woman named Ella*
    Who wanted to paint her nails yellow (pronounce "yella")
    She jumped to her feet,
    Caught her toes in a sheet
    And fell down the stairs to the cellar**.

    *Although Ella is a beautiful name, it's a real ****** to find rhymes for.

    ** Where she broke 2 ribs and her left arm, knocked over some shelves sending the pots of various paints and paint-stripping chemicals, bags of fertilizer, and several other ingredients*** flying to the floor where they mixed together and created a spontaneous stink bomb that caused a 50 mile radius to be evacuated and turned a lot of people a strange shade of blue. Fortunately, although no-one actually noticed, this event scared off the invading alien forces that were about to take over the Earth and make us all their slaves. Well, it was either that or the return of Pixel.

    ***that I shall not mention here in case some stupid person thought of following these instructions, blew up the world and then blamed me. Again.

    ****** : this is not a footnote, it's a swearword in disguise.
  38. chrisjordan New Member

    Behold! Further pointsgiving, in which things actually get quite technical...

    Ben: I like the trailer/blurb format, and the fact that you put Co-Host and friends into an unusual fictional context (Victorian England, missionary stuff, etc). Using the haiku as a tagline was clever. The accidents caused are amusing, but the whole sequence of events involving Venorr isn't really a chain; they're sort of linked, but they're three separate mishaps caused by Ella's repeated bumbling rather than being caused by each other. That said, the final mishap does cause the island to sink. 6 points.

    Phlonpheatures: Good narrative format. I like the very gradual and subtle chain of events and how it snowballs towards the end. Again, though, it seems to require Ella's repeated intervention rather than the first act triggering a continuous sequence of events. You can, however, have a point for the interspersed personal injuries Ella repeatedly inflicts upon herself. And also, I liked the tangential outcomes involving the economy and Mr Lombard. 6 points.

    Katcal: The haiku(/limerick) was supposed to be part of the entry, and you contained your actual entry in a mere footnote. For shame! Nevertheless, it was a good set-up for the chain of events itself. You get a couple of points for that chain of events, plus an extra one for the aliens/Pixel. 5 points.

    Our Bumbling Co-Host may issue further points.

    This round continues.
  39. Tephlon Active Member

    I must protest.
    Ella, the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host, only set events in motion by tipping over the bedside lamp and then inserting a fuse. Well, 2 fuses. But after that, everything snowballs without her intervention.

    As I said to Ben on MSN, at first i had an idea to explain why only Ben had posted a reply, something about people going mad from imagining what She could set in motion, but it turned out it was easier to describe how she disrupted the world economy. (To which Ben added: "Again?")

    PS: Did anyone get the movie reference?
  40. chrisjordan New Member

    Hm.

    Hmmm.

    Hmmmnymnyumnmynmm...

    OK, I'll give you that. The whole fuse thing did seem to take up a large proportion of your entry, so it does seem like Ella is bumbling for a while before anything is really set in motion. But seeing as I already gave you a point for being subtle and gradual, I can't really deduct anything for it. You get an extra point.

    Why, sure! It's just momentarily slipped my mind which movie that was.
  41. Katcal I Aten't French !

    I protest too, Ella, the Master of Comic Timing and Ultra-Bumbling Co-Host, said that the entry didn't have to be a string of haikus, she didn't say it couldn't be all poetry. Also, the footnotes were a hommage to Pterry.

    And I also got the movie reference but have no idea what the movie was.
  42. chrisjordan New Member

    That's very interesting, Katcal, but I didn't say it had to be a string of haikus either. Also, an entry that is all poetry is fine, but if you're saying that your limerick is your entry in its entirity, then you get fewer points because your limerick contains no chain of events other than Ella's injury to herself. On the other hand, if we include the footnotes - as I did - then anything Co-Host did or didn't say about entries being 'all poetry' isn't even relevant, and the fact remains that your main entry was nestled in a footnote while Ella's filthy bonus challenge was the main thing.

    Then taking all of this into account, you may also like to know that I didn't in fact deduct any points for it anyway. I gave you 2 points for the limerick, a standard 2 points for the chain of events, and a further point for the aliens. There's your five points.

    Consider yourself massively overruled.
  43. Katcal I Aten't French !

    I wasn't asking for more points, just pointing out that footnotes being a particular kind of litterature, is is unfair to undermine their importance and... oh alright, I just didn't see why phlon should be the only one complaining around here, it looked like fun.
  44. chrisjordan New Member

    You don't want to do what Phlon does. Phlon eats small children.
  45. Tephlon Active Member

    Grilled.

    hmmmm.
  46. Katcal I Aten't French !

    barbecue sauce anyone ?
  47. Tephlon Active Member

    Why, yes please, thank you kat...
  48. redneck New Member

    The Phlon: The allusion was to Groundhog's Day with Bill Murray.

    The host, co-host, and players: I will try to get my entry in very soon.
  49. spiky Bar Wench

    let me just tell you all about the end of the world as we know it...

    As you may have heard... well you would have heard it if you are from Britain or a former British colony that is not the USA... that the 20/20 Cricket World Cup final will be between those two old adversaries India and Pakistan.

    Now this may not be of much significance unless you also know that certain boardanians have been secretly supplying nuclear material to both sides to fuel their nuclear arms race. these boardanians will go unnamed except to say that they live in England and like to run for trains, the bastards.

    the end of the world will start in the 10th over of the second innings when Kat will streak across the centre of the pitch. Causing the muslim batsman to crash tackle her to save her modesty. However, this so offends the muslim clerics of Pakistan and India that a holy jihad is called on both cricket teams. Cricket being the bigger religion in both countries the citizens of both rebel and marshal law is declared...

    While India and pakistan are in a state of chaos an evil plotter with long-haired white cats and one glove, who goes by the name of the Phlon sets wheels in motion to start a nuclear war between the two countries so he can control a barren piece of tundra known as Kashmir. However, his plan is thwarted when he discovers that while India and Pakistan have nuclear bombs they have no launching capabilities. SO he's gong to have to find two saps to get a bomb from each country walk over the border and detonate each nuclear weapon.

    Strangely enough two Europeans decide that this a cool thing to do and would look great on their resume. So Pixel and KK are dispatched to get the bombs.

    However, an American living in the UK hears about the plot and checks with his wife about what he should do with the information. After correcting his gramma she convinces him to tell the US authorities. So he contacts the FBI who promptly have him kidnapped and sent to a third country for rendition and torture to find out all he knows. It turns out that all he knows is that Pakistan and India have WMD and that they are planning on using suicide bombers to attack each other. he also knows a lot about RPGs but the FBI doesn't think that this is important.

    So in response to the terrorist threat the US invades both India and Pakistan. However, they fail to locate the WMD and the citizens of both countries stop fighting each other over the cricket and start fighting the US because they consider it a blasphemy for them not to know anything about cricket. The US can't understand the big deal and are confused by the fact that they seem to be required to pay attention to a game for five days that may end in a draw. The US refuses to accede to the terrorist demands that they watch and play cricket.

    The US president, Redneck, decides that a surge is necessary to control this cricket fanatic insurgency. However, sending in more troops to the region makes China nervous who has started stockpiling weapons. North Korea already on a heightened state of alert for cricket fanatics is incensed by this show of strength from its neighbour and proceeds to start sending nuclear weapons in trains into China to detonate.

    Europe lead by Russia considers this to be unacceptable and sends a diplomatic envoy to tell North Korea how unhappy they are. japan just sends a warship with some really big bombs. unfortunately, those bombs kill the European delegation rather than Kim Il-Sung the president. So the Russians get pissed off and decide to take over Japan.

    The Americans realising that they can never beat the cricket fanatics decide to just use up all of their nukes in a last ditch attempt to make sure that no one will ever play or watch cricket ever again. And because of the automatic missile defence systems around the world every's nukes are launched soon after.

    Meanwhile, the Phlon says 'mwahahahahahaha!!!!!' at the havoc he has created and eats marshmallows while he watches the end of the world in a nuclear war.
  50. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Is it just me or did you just totally fail to include Ella anywhere in that amazing story ?
  51. Tephlon Active Member

    I would never go "mwahahahahahaha!!!!!". I have read the (atchoo*) Evil Overlord List, you know...

    Besides, being the ruler of a nuclear wasteland, however big it is, isn't as much fun as one would think.

    Now, where, (atchoo!*) did I leave my other glove?

    Yes, she did... didn't she?
    When did I become the subject of this thread?



    * I need to get some of my evil scientists on that cure for cat allergies...
  52. Buzzfloyd Spelling Bee

    Spiky is some kind of genius.
  53. Tephlon Active Member

    You think people noticed you didn't specify what kind of genius? ;-)
  54. spiky Bar Wench

    I realised this morning that I had forgotten Ella. I may have to add an addendum of some kind to explain that behind every evil overlord who says 'mwahahahaha' is an Ella pulling all the strings.

    Thank you Grace. I will take being a genius as a compliment and will ignore any inference that this may be an evil genius...
  55. redneck New Member

    Be not late for work
    Oh, be ye ever on time
    Look before you leap


    Ella looked at the clock one last time before darting out the door. "I'm only fifteen minutes late for work. They'll think the clocks are wrong," she thought as she slammed the door to her flat and ran down the steps.

    If she'd been looking at the sidewalk rather than her watch she may have apprehended the courier riding down the walk. Instead, she bumbled directly into his path. He slammed on his brakes, trying to avoid her, and ran out into the traffic. The bicycle tire was completely under the car tire when the driver decided that he was going to try avoiding the collision with the poor unfortunate courier. As the beautifully crafted, and much claimed accident worthy, Volvo steered into oncoming traffic, thoughts began trickling through the mind of the driver as well the minds of the other drivers around him. The main thought that could be heard by all mediums in the vicinity was, "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!!!"

    The Volvo careened through the oncoming headlights without even getting a scratch. The only sounds heard were the screeching of tires and the multitude of collisions that were caused by every driver trying their best to get out of the Volvo's way.

    Everything would have ended there, but for one small detail. As one of the drivers that was evading the Volvo yanked his steering wheel to the side he happened to notice what was directly in his path (if it helps, this car a Mazda. It's nowhere nearly as accident worthy as a Volvo). It was a truck. It was a tank truck. It was a tank truck carrying thirty thousand gallons of natural gas.

    As the unfortunate Mazda skidded into the truck, everything in the area held its breath. Some poor little mouse, busy finding food in the gutter, feinted dead away. In that very silent moment of impact there sprung to the ear of everyone close, except the deaf guy* sitting in a bus stop a few feet away, the sound of hissing. The next sound to be heard was THWUMP!! It was a beautiful arc that the Mazda made. It cleared two buildings and a hot-dog stand to land with a final twist directly in the hub of the power station.

    The intriguing part of the whole scenario was that Ella's clock was thirty minutes early, because she had forgotten to reset it from the last power outage. What's more, it was Ella's day off.

    *It's true that the sound reached his ear. It's not like he had a forcefield around his head that thwarted any sound from getting to his head. He just happened to not be able to hear it.
  56. Delphine New Member

    Lol.

    A very impressive collection of bumbling tales of woe, even though Chris requested they be loosely and unfairly based on myself. Now, some elegant and graceful point giving!

    Ben: I liked the haiku tagline, and the general plot. There was some well-written bumbling (even though I think it should have been Bumberella, but that would have spoilt the haiku). So, 7 points! But why do you always make Doors die when I'm around? Are you trying to warn him off? Minus 3 points for putting unsettling thoughts of impending death-by-bumble in my boyfriend's head. So: 5 points. 2 for the haiku. 7!

    Tephlon: I love how you made a national emergency out of something as innocent as turning an alarm clock off. I feel sorry for Mr Lombard though. An innocent victim. Not very chainy, more of a stream of bumbling. But still funny. 6 pointy points. and 2 for the haiku! 8!

    Katcal: Concise! But why would... the bumbler want to paint her nails yellow while at such close proximity to the cellar stairs? What was the sheet doing there? I feel a little too much was left to the imagination in that one. But, I did laugh at the footnotes; a stinkbomb that turns everyone blue! see, there are times when bumbling should be celebrated! 5 points!

    Spiky: quite brilliant. I like a mind that can get carried away. nuclear war? cricket? why, the two go hand in hand!
    Best line ever. Only thing is, it didn't have the bumbling co host in it, but it made my head ache, and for that I give 5 points.

    Redneck: I love the myserious haiku straight away. Sets a portentous tone. And your tale was a seamless chain of events, all caused by that one, perfectly forgivable mishap. And the bit at the end, being 30 minutes early, and the day off, was a very nice, head-slapping "doh!" of an ending. 8 points, and 2 for the haiku. 10!

    I believe Round 2 will follow... at some point.
  57. chrisjordan New Member

    I'm mostly happy with Ella's scoring, but here are some top-up points for those I didn't get a chance to score yet:

    Spiky: 2 points for political incorrectness. 1 point for including so many boardfolk. -1 point for 'gramma'. 1 point for the cricket.

    Redneck: 1 point for identifying Phlon's film reference.

    Phlon: 1 point for the reference, I guess.


    High Score Table:


    Tephlon: 16.5
    Ben: 12
    Redneck: 12
    Katcal: 10
    Spiky: 10
    Rinso: 7
    Coppe: 1
    Doors: 1
    Perdita: 1
    Stercus: 1
    Roman: -1


    Round One has ended.
  58. Electric_Man Templar

    I never mentioned him! All names were generated by the Incredibly Randomiser Of Nouns In Creation. They really should have called it something different so that the acronym didn't spell IRONIC, because that just leads to accusations from people such as yourself!
  59. Orrdos God


    To be honest, it's a horrible cloud that hangs over my head all the time.
  60. Katcal I Aten't French !

    I thought Garner said he shaved it off... :cool:

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