Socks

A conversation between me and my father:

"Lora!"
"What?"
"Come look at this!"
"At what?"
"THIS!"
*blink* "It's a sock Dad."
"That's right, a f**king sock!"
"Um..." *bemused*
"A sock without a partner! We've been living here for five months and somehow we STILL manage to have a pile of odd f**king socks!"
"Um..."
"Do you wear odd socks Lora?"
"No..."
"Then how did we get so many odd socks? Tell me that!!"
*silence from me*
"There are starving children in Africa who would appreciate these socks! They wouldn't lose a sock!"
"Dad, they don't NEED socks in Africa! It's WARM in Africa!"
*pause* "...It's the principle of the thing that matters here!" *Exits room to hunt for socks*

It's a little strange when your own father turns the air blue in the room. Especially when it doesn't usually happen.

So, apparently the Eater of Socks has entered our home and has left my father angry.
Does this happen to anyone else here?

(Not the swearing parent, the odd socks).

There is a stockingeatermonster inbuilt in every washing machine. The sock manufactories pay the washingmachinemakers to build them in.

[quote:30e321b0a6="Trollmother"]There is a stockingeatermonster inbuilt in every washing machine. The sock manufactories pay the washingmachinemakers to build them in.[/quote:30e321b0a6]

Yes, it's a big conspiracy. Socks go missing inexplicably all the time in my house. The sock makers must be paying for this to happen, as we have a huge pile of single socks in our house (the thory being, that if you lose another sock, then the two odd ones now make a pair)

i wear odd socks...

:?

[quote:5c8f71eb62="Hex"]A conversation between me and my father:

"There are starving children in Africa who would appreciate these socks! They wouldn't lose a sock!"
"Dad, they don't NEED socks in Africa! It's WARM in Africa!"
*pause* "...It's the principle of the thing that matters here!" *Exits room to hunt for socks*

.[/quote:5c8f71eb62]

I for one know that Kids in africa would lose their socks in minutes because as soon as they get them some other homeless bugger will just steal them!

I know i shouldn't say that about my country but its true

I also hav an entire odd sock collection that i only buy 1 type of sock (white ankle socks) so that it dosen't matter if i lose any

[quote:8fecd72212="Trollmother"]There is a stockingeatermonster inbuilt in every washing machine. The sock manufactories pay the washingmachinemakers to build them in.[/quote:8fecd72212]

Kind of like the sock-eating monster in Hogfather?

I think there should be a Match.com-type website for lone socks who want to find their mate - based on extensive personality-and-color-matching tests, naturally!

Well, the obvious ploy is to always buy several pairs of the socks you like, therefore, you will still loose socks, but you still have a chance of having at least enough to make one or several pairs.

Also, another use for odd socks, is if you use tablets or soapnuts (very good, useful, cheap and ecological things, by the way !) you can place them in an odd sock instead of having to buy a little bag thingy...

Finally, the name of the sock-eating creatures is Domovoi, also called brownies or borrowers, the descriptions vary, but they al eat socks... and stick kitchen drawers with weird objects... Pterry has a lot to say about this, in several books...

Or just do what I do and make all your socks so utterly whacky that them not matching is inconsiquensial.

Needless to say my sock drawer is rather colourful....

I have a package of all white socks. I thought if I lose some I can still make pairs, but no, each pair has a different pattern knitted around the ankle and now that I have noticed this they all must match.
I recieved some new socks for christmas, they are extremely soft and good for sliding on linoleum floors.

Edit to add that I just folded the clothes from the dryer and all socks are present and accounted for.

Day of the Week Socks.

Cool and Hip? Or lame and geeky? And of course, you can't go making pairs up out of odd ones.

*mocks Geeky Snail McLame-o Geek*

Oh, shut your mouth you flapjack. I haven't got any day of the week socks. They're lame! I don't give a monkeys if my socks don't match. Nobody cares.

Sub-topic detour: I had a girlfriend once who bought day-of-the-week underwear, but she only bought Wednesdays.

Back on topic: It is in the nature of socks to have finite interiors and infinite exteriors. When they are turned inside out, they have to undergo a shocking paradigm shift. If they are reversed too many times, they disappear in a cloud of existential uncertainty.

Q.E.D.

My golden Labrador eats socks. He is our official sock eating monster. I didn't like the one that came with my washing machine (they live in the drum you know) so i sent that packing and got my very own Charlie.....now when i get odd socks i wait for a couple of weeks, assume hes had the first one and let him have the second! Perfect relationship!

[quote:51144282da="Orrdos"][quote:51144282da="Delphine"]Oh, shut your mouth you flapjack. I haven't got any day of the week socks. They're lame! I don't give a monkeys if my socks don't match. Nobody cares.[/quote:51144282da]

I think that day of the week socks are a rather snazzy and cool fashion accessory, and not at all anal.[/quote:51144282da]




doors there is no hope for u,

im so sorry but i hav to call in the people with the nive white jackets and padded bedrooms :lol:

[quote:1e52792ed9="Orrdos"][quote:1e52792ed9="Delphine"]Oh, shut your mouth you flapjack. I haven't got any day of the week socks. They're lame! I don't give a monkeys if my socks don't match. Nobody cares.[/quote:1e52792ed9]

I think that day of the week socks are a rather snazzy and cool fashion accessory, and not at all anal.[/quote:1e52792ed9]

In this case, I would like to retract my previous statement and change it to the following:

*mocks Geeky Doors McUnlovable Lame-o*

Oh, that monster doesn't just eat socks. He eats shorts and t-shirts and your favourite pair of jeans too. Everything goes missing sooner or later. Only thing to prevent it is to wear your favourite clothes [i:aaedb11768]all the time[/i:aaedb11768]. The monster is shy, so he won't eat 'em off've you. That's why I never own more than one pair of good jeans at a time. He's a clever bugger though, because he nips small holes in my jeans when I'm not watching, so I'm forced to go out and buy a new pair, rendering my old pair helpless for his snarling jaws.

Thing is, it's much easier to miss one odd sock than to miss a pair of trousers. This took me some time to figure out. With one sock missing you have strong evidence of it's abduction in form of the sock's former spouse, but with a missing t-shirt you're more likely to think [i:aaedb11768]maybe I was wrong, perhaps I never owned a pink thing with Inspector Clouseau playing the saxophone on the back[/i:aaedb11768].

The solution to all of this is simple. I propose one big sock to put both your feet in. That way, if it goes missing, there will be no evidence of it, your sock withdrawal trauma will have an easy closure and you will soon forget about it.

Edit: markup

Good idea (the one big sock) but not very practical! We wouldn't be able to chase cats and drive trucks or walk to the shops to buy the latest PTerry books! and apart from those very valid points, you would be responsible for making the washing machine monster have to change his staple diet!


EDIT: spelling

[quote:c5f9899ada="misswhiplash"]We wouldn't be able to chase cats and drive trucks or walk to the shops to buy the latest PTerry books![/quote:c5f9899ada]

Oh, I thought about that too, but listen to this! All we do is make matching socks for our hands (we can call them "gloves") and learn to walk upside down! Problem solved!

I'm a bit worried about the washing machine monster too, but think of all the old-model-socks we could feed him with! There's gotta be billions of obsolete socks of the old school noone will ever want to use once we enforce the two-feet-sock.

I'm not convinced! :? I have a bad back and would find chasing cats difficult! also driving would be near impossible! I think you need to go back to the drawing board and think of a new way to compensate for the "one sock law"
I do agree the lesser Spotted Sock Eating Washing Machine Monster would be happy with all the left over socks, but i'm now slightly concerned they may get fat on them and fall out of the machine rendering them powerless and frightened! :cry:

[quote:e0e4e23d3a="KaptenKaries"]
The solution to all of this is simple. I propose one big sock to put both your feet in.

Edit: markup[/quote:e0e4e23d3a]

We have them already. They are called 'Tights'

Jackal, have you ever seen a man wearing tights? :lol: :vom: really not a nice thought or reality, what you say is true but i think men need a new idea of their very own!!!
Perhaps making tights out of sock material!

[quote:0e765aa3aa="misswhiplash"]Jackal, have you ever seen a man wearing tights? :lol: :vom: really not a nice thought or reality, what you say is true but i think men need a new idea of their very own!!!
Perhaps making tights out of sock material![/quote:0e765aa3aa]

I think the closet thing we have to a men's version of Tights are Longjohns. Personally, I've never seen Longjohns in shops, thank God.

[quote:47fa01ae0a="misswhiplash"]Jackal, have you ever seen a man wearing tights? :lol: :vom: [/quote:47fa01ae0a]

If the thought of men in tights makes you vomit, I advise you never to go to see the Rocky Horror Show.

[quote:637ad362d6="TheJackal"]We have them already. They are called 'Tights'[/quote:637ad362d6]

Damn you wimmin, you always have the upper hand! First breasts and now this!

[quote:637ad362d6="misswhiplash"]Perhaps making tights out of sock material![/quote:637ad362d6]

Or if the socks could be attached to the trousers! Never again would you have to hear [i:637ad362d6]no mate, those socks don't go with those jeans[/i:637ad362d6]. By the way, we have tights made out of sock material in Sweden. They're called långkalsonger (=long underwear), good to wear in the winter when it's cold outside. Although, being a viking, I think they're only for pansy southerners.

Oh, could longjohns be the same as långkalsonger?

Ive actually seen the Rocky Horror Show, I could stand the tights in that due to the comic content (that and the fact there was far too much going on above the waist to worry about it!)
Longjohns are all well and good but not tight enough to be tights, tights (unless baggy enough to fall round your ankles) are supposed to look like they have been sprayed on! The only comparison i can give would be men wearing lycra shorts that are at least two sizes too small....
urgh, not a nice thought.
I like the idea of socks attached to your trousers! kinda like the mittons i used to have when i was younger, they used to be attached to each other via a string that went through my sleeves on my coat.

[quote:6896d73863="KaptenKaries"][quote:6896d73863="TheJackal"]We have them already. They are called 'Tights'[/quote:6896d73863]

Damn you wimmin, you always have the upper hand! First breasts and now this![/quote:6896d73863]

I'm actually Male, if you were implying otherwise. But the statement to women in general still applies.

[quote:6896d73863]Or if the socks could be attached to the trousers! Never again would you have to hear [i:6896d73863]no mate, those socks don't go with those jeans[/i:6896d73863]. By the way, we have tights made out of sock material in Sweden. They're called långkalsonger (=long underwear), good to wear in the winter when it's cold outside. Although, being a viking, I think they're only for pansy southerners.[/quote:6896d73863]

Yes, they sound similar to Longjohns, though I've never seen a pair of longjohns in real life, just on television

[quote:a9b3277583="TheJackal"]I'm actually Male, if you were implying otherwise. But the statement to women in general still applies.[/quote:a9b3277583]

Oh. Sorry. Err, it was your avatar there. Sorry!

[quote:a9b3277583="misswhiplash"]kinda like the mittons i used to have when i was younger, they used to be attached to each other via a string that went through my sleeves on my coat.[/quote:a9b3277583]

Hey! You've got it! A string that runs through your pants' legs keeping the socks together! Because the Lesser Spotted Sock Eating Washing Machine Monster surely would eat one sock, lap up the long string like Lady and the Tramp eats spaghetti, and eat the other sock too. No more Sock Withdrawal Trauma. All you would need to remember was to put on your trousers after you've put on your socks.

HEY great minds think alike! i think we cracked it!!! and me being one of the lucky ones in the breastage department! who would have thought it!

I think we now need to patent the idea and get a marketing strategy put together! this could be really big my friend!

:lol:

Werl, I'm a technician and not so good with economics or marketing, but I'll be there for you if you need someone to toss ideas with. You being the one of us with the natural assets too, I'm sure this'll be a success.

Oh, and I just realised, if you're planning to wear a skirt or a kilt you gotta remember to put on your socks before your undies. But that's a minor problem I think an instructional video included with The (G) String Sock could target. Speaking of that, could the shopping tv channel be a good start?

[quote:9ebc60ad84="KaptenKaries"]Oh, and I just realised, if you're planning to wear a skirt or a kilt you gotta remember to put on your socks before your undies. [/quote:9ebc60ad84]

Someone doesn't know how Kilts are supposed to work...

now now, everyone knows Scotsmen have nothing under their Kilt but they also know they have a secret door way into the back of their sporren to hide sectret things from their mums! we could use this compartment for the sock string!

I'm emailing the relevant shopping net works as we speak! i think this is gonna be the biggest thing since sliced bread! Thanks for the offer of help. i may need some inspiration for difficult sock situations!

Will keep you posted!

How can i get round the problem of the people who like going "commando"? the ones that don't wear any underwear!

[quote:77fb3bf62f="misswhiplash"]How can i get round the problem of the people who like going "commando"? the ones that don't wear any underwear![/quote:77fb3bf62f]

People that don't like to wear underwear will only be affected if they wear skirts, kilts or nothing at all. In any of those cases, I think we can safely say they could do without socks too. As a technician I can also see other solutions to the string management problem, which would involve painful attachments with the aid of clothespegs, but I'd rather avoid elaborating as far as possible.

[quote:77fb3bf62f="Electric_Man"]Someone doesn't know how Kilts are supposed to work...[/quote:77fb3bf62f]

Yes, obviously I have very little experience of the usage of kilts. I'm glad you enlightened me! I have tried commando style, which does grant an airy and free sensation, but my thighs keep rubbing against eachother in unpleasant ways unless I walk like a cowboy just stepped off a pony so I'm sticking with boxers.

Clothes pegs!!! see thats why you are a technition and i am a lowly despatcher, i had thoughts of sewing the string to certain apendages or (ouch) genitalia :roll: how silly of me!! i'm sure clothes pegs would be alot less painfull!
I don't think i will market so many of them though as you are right, if commando is best i'm sure people wont want to wear socks.
Also after trying commando i came to the same conclusion but with G strings instead of Boxers!

[quote:3c36b8f578="misswhiplash"]Clothes pegs!!! see thats why you are a technition and i am a lowly despatcher, i had thoughts of sewing the string to certain apendages or (ouch) genitalia :roll: how silly of me!! i'm sure clothes pegs would be alot less painfull![/quote:3c36b8f578]

That gives me another idea. You could perhaps thread the string through certain jewelry. This does require that you're [i:3c36b8f578]very[/i:3c36b8f578] careful not to forget what you're doing when you're taking off your socks.

[quote:3c36b8f578="misswhiplash"]Also after trying commando i came to the same conclusion but with G strings instead of Boxers![/quote:3c36b8f578]

I'm sure this is a stupid question that will only serve to prove my almost nonexistent knowledge in the matter, but how does G strings help with thighs rubbing against eachother? (assuming we're not talking about your thighs rubbing against someone other's)

So longjohns are only sold in Sweden and Australia? Or just everywhere except where Jackal lives.

Jackal you're in a longjohn-exclusion-zone, poor thing.

[quote:7c48f00016="MissTeak"]So longjohns are only sold in Sweden and Australia? Or just everywhere except where Jackal lives.

Jackal you're in a longjohn-exclusion-zone, poor thing. [/quote:7c48f00016]

Why would you need longjohns in the country that is so warm that even the sand is baked red?

i was talking of the metorphorical feeling of thighs rubbing, i just felt uncomfortable in general!!! Thighs rubbing in my opinion isn't that bad a thing depending on who is doing the rubbing :lol: :shock: :lol:

I think the Jewelry is a good compromise of the stitching and the clothes pegs! and i'm certain that when the instructional video comes out we could work that one in so people wont forget, although how we are going to persuede someone to do a reconstruction is beyond me!!!

[quote:1dfa29725a="KaptenKaries"][quote:1dfa29725a="MissTeak"]So longjohns are only sold in Sweden and Australia? Or just everywhere except where Jackal lives.

Jackal you're in a longjohn-exclusion-zone, poor thing. [/quote:1dfa29725a]

Why would you need longjohns in the country that is so warm that even the sand is baked red?[/quote:1dfa29725a]

I'm guessing they have some cold nights in Australia. When the day is very hot & cloudless, the nights can be freezing, since there's no cloud cover to keep in the heat

[quote:fa1c46004d="misswhiplash"]i was talking of the metorphorical feeling of thighs rubbing, i just felt uncomfortable in general!!! Thighs rubbing in my opinion isn't that bad a thing depending on who is doing the rubbing :lol: :shock: :lol:

I think the Jewelry is a good compromise of the stitching and the clothes pegs! and i'm certain that when the instructional video comes out we could work that one in so people wont forget, although how we are going to persuede someone to do a reconstruction is beyond me!!![/quote:fa1c46004d]

See? We're an unbeateable team. Also, do you think we could include some rubbing of thighs in the instructional video as well? I would very much like to see that. Perhaps this could be combined with the jewelry demonstration in some way?

Like i said, great minds think alike! i was just thinking of how to incorporate it! this video/DVD is going to be very frightening in a sexy kinda way! i think it needs an 18 rating! :yawinkle:

The rubbing could be done as a comfort thing for the poor victim, *cough* er employee that has to do the "what not to do when going commando" demonstration! what do you think?

I also thought we could make the string in matching material/colours to the socks we are trying to keep from the Lesser Spotted Sock Eating Washing Machine Monster.

Hey, it snows in... Tasmania... Also in some mountains in winter. But it's summer now. So why am I discussing longjohns? Even thinking about them makes me sweat. (From heat, not fear).

They sell them in camping places. Sometimes they're very colourful.

[quote:904e9a0715="misswhiplash"]Like i said, great minds think alike! i was just thinking of how to incorporate it! this video/DVD is going to be very frightening in a sexy kinda way! i think it needs an 18 rating! :yawinkle:

The rubbing could be done as a comfort thing for the poor victim, *cough* er employee that has to do the "what not to do when going commando" demonstration! what do you think?

I also thought we could make the string in matching material/colours to the socks we are trying to keep from the Lesser Spotted Sock Eating Washing Machine Monster.[/quote:904e9a0715]

Sounds like a good idea. People under 18 should not be allowed to go commando anyway. ;-)

Yep, the rubbing could be a comforting gesture. We'll have to make sure it's not too comforting though, so people would not take their chance with faulty commando behaviour just so they can recieve the post-trauma treatment.

Matching strings is a good idea. For those going commando with a skirt we could have the strings transparent or in assorted skin tones so that they wouldn't give away that they're wearing jewelry.

[quote:6148f394a1="MissTeak"]Hey, it snows in... Tasmania... Also in some mountains in winter. But it's summer now. So why am I discussing longjohns? Even thinking about them makes me sweat. (From heat, not fear).

They sell them in camping places. Sometimes they're very colourful.[/quote:6148f394a1]

The more I think about it, the more I wanna see Australia. It seems to be such a fascinating place.

There are no tights in the rocky horror show... :cooler: There are stockings and suspender belts for all.

[quote:466b72c5a3="KaptenKaries"]
The more I think about it, the more I wanna see Australia. It seems to be such a fascinating place.[/quote:466b72c5a3]

It's pretty big. I've only seen small coastal portions of it. I don't travel much. (Edit - I don't get out much, either).

Kat... Is that the Kat I know? In any case, very true, there didn't seem to be any tights in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, anywhere.

[quote:079404dea6="KaptenKaries"][quote:079404dea6="misswhiplash"]Like i said, great minds think alike! i was just thinking of how to incorporate it! this video/DVD is going to be very frightening in a sexy kinda way! i think it needs an 18 rating! :yawinkle:

The rubbing could be done as a comfort thing for the poor victim, *cough* er employee that has to do the "what not to do when going commando" demonstration! what do you think?

I also thought we could make the string in matching material/colours to the socks we are trying to keep from the Lesser Spotted Sock Eating Washing Machine Monster.[/quote:079404dea6]

Sounds like a good idea. People under 18 should not be allowed to go commando anyway. ;-)

Yep, the rubbing could be a comforting gesture. We'll have to make sure it's not too comforting though, so people would not take their chance with faulty commando behaviour just so they can recieve the post-trauma treatment.

Matching strings is a good idea. For those going commando with a skirt we could have the strings transparent or in assorted skin tones so that they wouldn't give away that they're wearing jewelry.[/quote:079404dea6]

I think the video/DVD is going to sell better than the product at the rate we are going!!! we just need to choose the actors to do all the demonstrations! who would you recomend Kaptain?

Somehow the picture of a red bearded screaming man in kilt got stuck. All I can picture now are small blue men swearing and fighting about which sock goes on which foot. So, a Nac Mac Feegle clan is a must.

Also, I think Peter Sellers could do a very convincing man-in-agony.

I would finally like to feature Jimmy Swaggart in some way, to add a bit of faith to it all. ;-)

I cannot make up my mind about which girls to use, there are so many to choose from! Help me out by narrowing down the options a bit!

ok, i'm liking the idea of Feegles in the film! as long as they are very drunk and with the stealing lots of funny things (not the camera)

I'm thinking Kylie Minogue or Sarah Michelle Geller for the females! I would sign up myself but i don't do strange piercings (can't even spell it) i do have a few tatoos though so the Feegles were a great idea!

I think we would need a body double though as i can't see either of the girls wanting the pain that the "what not to do" scene would inflict!!!

Perhaps we should scrap the entire idea with piercings and focus on the socks eh? I'm not that into metal either.

Why does everything I touch turn into porn? I tried to write some songs with a friend a couple of weeks ago and all turned into slick porn funk when I added my bits.

I am starting to get that feeling about you to be honest! :lol:
I still like the idea of string attached socks (like my old coat) and the monster eating one then doing the spaghetti thing! We will just have to admit there is a comando market that we can't cater for.
OOOOOH then when we see someone without socks on we can point and laugh and people won't realise we are laughing cos we know they are comando!!
Ok i think we will call it a day on the pornagraphic part of the DVD but we still need a demonstration video and i still like the idea of Sarah Michelle Geller playing the lead, ok?

Sure, Gellar gets my approval! I've never seen her as a very socky girl, but I'm sure it'll work.

By the way, my job might have something to do with my Porn Midas curse, as it is somewhat on those lines. I apologize for getting out of order.

You didn't get out of order! you were not too descriptive and all in all quite funny! I feel i must apologise now in case i was, sorry.

I'm sure SMG in socks will sell millions of our product all over the world!

Especially to men with jeans that want their socks to match!

Not to worry, I have a strong stomach. Besides, I'm Swedish you know. We're supposed to be quite liberal in these areas.

The only issue I can see we have left to deal with is how to make sure all of the LSSEWMM don't die of overweight with all the obsolete old school socks lying around. But on the other hand, as they wouldn't get used that often and therefore not get washed either, perhaps the LSSEWMM wouldn't be able to get their paws on those socks that often. As far as I know, it is very uncommon for it to venture out to the closet.

Oh! We need a good slogan too. Something like [i:79841b6488]The (G) String Sock - Never More Sock Withdrawal Trauma[/i:79841b6488]. Or something like that. Got any good ideas?