This is a topic I made on the old board. Basically, it's a list of things people have said that I find funny. I stumbled over it on the comp, and thought i'd repost it. I may even add to it at some point! Eu "Untill recently I could use plastic knifes, but after that little incident in Pizza Hut my food now comes cutted already." "It wasn't my fault, really, it was the green man in the ceiling that was talking to the smurfs under my table, he made me do it!! Him and the pink flying elephant under my plate!!!" "Maybe you should start an evil force of your own and defeat the Power Rangers, you'd probably get a reward from the UN for services in the name of Humanity and the Future Generations" "The Monkey that pees from trees There was once a small monkey That used to admire the moon He wanted to eat his pudding But he didn't have a spoon One day he felt the urge to pee And didn't know where to go So he decided to climb a tree And pee over the animals below" Rinso "well, i assumed the smell of rotting fleash was your body, but it's probably just my feet." "ps: Did you know that people born of the 18th of August are 10% better than everyone else.FACT." "Oooh. look at me." *Pours Fisherprice 'My first Arson Attack' Oil on rock* "I've been trying to grow wings by rubbing cheese on my back, of course. What else would i be doing? it's may!" "If MSN was a Person I would kick it in the privates. HARD." "Damn you and your gargantuan body!" "So I look like Doors class mate, Hex's Friend and Brendans Uncle. This is becuase i've been secertly cloning myself in an attempt to rule the world. Some day the world will be populated with Rincewind look-a-likies!" "Well, I don't like to brag, but my Grandmother was voted most Attractive Monkey 1948-1952." "Kill her. and *do* stuff with her body.Its' the only way." "What?! I don't need training! I'm a master of shocking insults and put down's, Look: 'YOUR MUM' and ' You smell of Milk' or 'I don't like your hat' " "Hey! Guys to celebrate the ascetion of the newest Doorman, i baked you this cake!" "What's that Beeping sound, you say? it's...er...a MUSICAL CAKE! yes, i baked it for you. Why to the candles say T'N'T? well, thats latin for 'DIE YOU FO-' i mean it's latin for 'happy birthday'." "Book a holiday or call in sick. Tell them that your mother died, no thats wrong, TELL THEM YOU DIED! Fool proof. Dead people can't work, i'm sure it's agianst health and safey, or something." "Apart from a small hamster on a tread wheel, which has been powering my brain." Orrdos "I mean, you completely missed out Fred the magical elephant, who saves the day by means of a special "bean". " "Ok, it's not Discworld related, I've always just wanted to start a band called Aqua Chicken" "Everyday is llama pie day!" "Ok, I think I speak fpr many people when I say: WHAT THE **** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" " "The right to have fun"? It sounds like either something on the wall of a nursery or a bad advertising campaign for a saturday morning childrens TV show." "The radio said that he was caught wearing "a fake beard". Cue hilarious mental image of Saddam wearing ACME disguise kit" "Pff, I care not for your perfectly reasonable explanation." Mazekin "I had a thing for Raphael when I was younger *Shrugs awkwardly* but I'm over it now. but my childish heart used to swoon with delight every time I heard the theme tune" Garner "idiot." "ignoramus. have you not heard the legens of the Ur-Spork? The first, primieval eating utinsel, carved out of the bone of freshly killed game?" "ah well. why dont mothers ever tell their daughters "dont go into that club, you might meet an axe murderer!" its always "dont go online, you might meet an axe murderer" " "We also insulted Doors an awful lot, since the cheap bastard didn't show up." "No, the Laundry Basket of Rightful Protest is full of nothing but laundry... " "i say sheesh. fairly often." "whats wrong with a little carpet bombing? oh... wait... cities full of civilians... right, nevermind, i withdraw my objections." "There's no moderators, there's just Board Nazis." "You dont get to learn the Official motto unless you're a Board Nazi. it's like the Mason's handshake. we've got a few unofficial mottos though. Repeat after me, class: "Christ, I can't believe I still post around here. These idiots are -ing contageous!" "I swear, if [fill in name] says [fill in character flaw] just one more time, I'm going to flame them. I don't care how popular they are with everyone else!" "F*ck you." "God I'm so sick of pee jokes." "Hey, I've just had a great idea about instituting a eugenics program in kindergarten." " "I have a confession to make. I'm intelligent, devious, arogant, stubborn, vocal, and I have a penis." "Pending your anual preformance review, we may still have to demote you to Board Frenchman." Ba "Ba is going to let Eu? off with a warning this time. But next time, it's the cheese grater and the bits of wire for him." "Doormen are the expanding yellow stain on life's carpet." "So how about you go over and try taking a bath with the toaster oven? Make sure to plug it in, now." "That's not very nice! *Smites Brad with thundersporks*" Colonesque "My lifes ambition must be to change my name to Mister Wisconsin" "I've been eating fish all day everyday to see if i'll turn into Captain Birdseye. No luck as of yet but I do have a whole freezer load of fish fingers to eat." "I'm either a Wazzock, a stoater or a big gub depending on if I abbreviate my first name or not." "I suggest that all these ideas happen including a special 'lets kiss the doormens feet' day." "Mmmmmm. Piss smell" "But you did actually have dandruff didn't you Ben. You prayed for snow so that people wouldn't notice. But they did didn't they Ben. They did. They pointed. They laughed. They threw stones. Some of them even kicked you in the head and spat on you shoes then posted the images on the net. Didn't they Ben." Delphine "On the first day of religous or secular annual holiday of choice, my co-habiting partner gave to me ... A free range partridge in a non-pesticided pear tree. [grown on nationally protected land, and part of a sustainable forest.] *Government Approved.*" "Its an idea, but as a newbie, I dont know if its going to turn any of you on." Mynona "So I edited and said that you edited and then I posted and said that I had edited because you had posted about your editing. oh no, I've goine crosseyed" Chris Jordan "I must admit, I'm a little disappointed that none of you have antennae. Or maybe you do. You could be hiding them somehow. Or something." "I don't like clowns." "Though there's nothing strange about the eyes, apart from the fact I've never, ever seen him blink." "There's a squirrel that likes to visit our garden purely to fall off the fence threatrically." "And I've been sick of my name for some time now, too. You may now call me er..Spatty?" Buzzfloyd "No. No, they aren't. I don't look like that really. AAAAUUUUUUGGHHH!!!" "And no jokes about the Great God's mighty organ, please." Nester "Great big lumps of meat. Forget Atkins, I'm on the Cohen diet" "Basically, ignore what I say. I'm insane and just a tad stupid. Don't ask questions." Marcia "Hermes, I'm Trumpet too." Hermes "Your spleen... Your spleen calls me!" Annie "I HAVE A HOLE IN MY HEAD!" Brad "When will the hatred end? Are not spoons and forks essentially the same? Made of the same material, by the same creator? Can we not learn that th etwo can coexist peacefully, as is evidenced by the glorious offspring of the union the spork!"
