So, ever since a conversation i had with my workmate Darren a few weeks ago, I've been canvassing opinion on this subject. What would be better? An army of dogs, or an army of gerbils? Personally, I can't see past the dogs. I mean, they're much more versitile. And it's hard to do much in the way of opposing them when you've got a doberman attached to your head. Dogs can do everything a gerbil can do, and more! Darren however, is convinced that gerbils are the way to go, given that they are small and sneaky, and have sharp stabby teeth. What do you all think?
http://www.samandfuzzy.com/archive.php?id=605 CJ has linked me to this! At first, it would appear to be fine evidence that Gerbils are superior. But! Read on. Then the true power of gerbils is revealed. And it's not good for them. Would this have happened to dogs? I think not.
Dogs are more easily distracted. Gerbils would eat your face. Also: gerbils are harder to get with a shotgun.
Approximately 50% of dogs are bitches. The other 50% want bitches, so I can only presume they are rappers. Conclusive proof, being a dog is worse than being John Prescott's secretary* *joke: [b:1530fdb2af]nothing[/b:1530fdb2af] is worse than being Prescott's secretary
Cry Havoc! and unloose the Gerbils of War? I think not. If only because it adds an extra sylable to Shakespeare. Uncool.
Dogs are ununited...they would probably end up in some civil war between pedigrees and mixed breeds. Gerbils are small and not easily noticed. They probably rule the world already....
I think they'll put their differences aside and form an army of sneaky-swarmy-unshootable gerbils, commanded by dogs (because dogs are more intelligent and have inside knowledge of human society). Actually, the dogs will probably be lower-ranking commanders, because they're ultimately faithful and obey orders. The topmost brass will consist of CATS (because they're vindictive and take no prisoners )
Gerbils can evade snakes by jumping 1m/4 feet straight up into the air from a standing position. I vote for gerbils, though if we had the technology I'd splice some genes so that a Saint Bernard could leap forty feet into the air to avoid rocket strikes and small arms fire.
I would vote for dogs. Gerbils can procreate faster than dogs, but they also have much shorter life spans and they would be constantly in training, mating, or dying. Dogs, on the other hand, have a much longer gestation period giving them more time to do their job before the nefarious bitches came in heat. But with a spayed and neutered strike force, the dogs would be unstoppable while a select few were left behind to breed and act as think-tanks. They could use the gerbils as electric generators though. Give a gerbil a wheel and please him for a lifetime. They could use the wild dog of Africa to lead the charge. It is a very skilled, intelligent canine that has limitless stamina. They are also social dogs that hunt well together. Peter Kapstick calls them "the under-rated killers in Africa." While they may not be as strong as a lion or as fast as a cheetah they have a much higher kill per hunt ratio than most any other animal. There are also the basenjis that don't bark and would be quite usefull in stealth operations. In all, the various breeds of dogs have a much prefered span of attack than the few advantagious qualities of the gerbils. The only difference between gerbil breeds is that one is fuzzy and the other is fuzzier.
Domesticated dog Vs. Gerbils: gebils win any day of the week. African painted (wild) dogs Vs Gerbils: to close to call.
The best instrument in a world domination scheme would clearly be the bagpipes. I thought you knew this, Doors, being a freshly baked morning bread especially suitable with tea (also known as scones).
To overthrow Vetinari I would recruit an Army of Mimes. In possible Discworld 38.910 I believe this actually happens. Or maybe just make the dogs or gerbils wear mime make-up when they attack A-M? and stripe shirts and derby hats...
[quote:c906911346="mowgli"]I think they'll put their differences aside and form an army of sneaky-swarmy-unshootable gerbils, commanded by dogs (because dogs are more intelligent and have inside knowledge of human society). Actually, the dogs will probably be lower-ranking commanders, because they're ultimately faithful and obey orders. The topmost brass will consist of CATS (because they're vindictive and take no prisoners )[/quote:c906911346] Cats [i:c906911346]do[/i:c906911346] take prisoners - they play with them for a while and [i:c906911346]then[/i:c906911346] eat them - but they don't need to ally with dogs or gerbils - after all - they rule the world already - James Bond might have been fooled, but everybody with any feline experience knows that it wasn't Blofeld who was in charge - it was the fluffy white cat!
[quote:7841816476="Pixel"][quote:7841816476="mowgli"]I think they'll put their differences aside and form an army of sneaky-swarmy-unshootable gerbils, commanded by dogs (because dogs are more intelligent and have inside knowledge of human society). Actually, the dogs will probably be lower-ranking commanders, because they're ultimately faithful and obey orders. The topmost brass will consist of CATS (because they're vindictive and take no prisoners )[/quote:7841816476] Cats [i:7841816476]do[/i:7841816476] take prisoners - they play with them for a while and [i:7841816476]then[/i:7841816476] eat them - but they don't need to ally with dogs or gerbils - after all - they rule the world already - James Bond might have been fooled, but everybody with any feline experience knows that it wasn't Blofeld who was in charge - it was the fluffy white cat![/quote:7841816476] Too bloody true.
I say gerbils... besides all the reasons given, gerbils can get into cavities anywhere... WHo knows what damage they could wreak, getting inside computers and electricity and plumbing. They could bring the world to its knees.
See, I would vote gerbils, but my dog is currently lying across my lap, while my gerbil is in a cage two floors away. So in the interest of keeping the immediate peace, I will vote for the underdog (pun intended).
