The Church of Garner hereby announces its latest reorganization and conscription of clergy. Great God - Garner Great Goddess and Popette to the Great God - Buzzfloyd High Priestess to the Great God - Mynona High Priestess to the Great Goddess and Inadequately Defined Job Description to the Great God - Om Kranti Novice At Arms (Temporary) - Plaid Provisional Novice (Conscript) - Katcal Furthermore, Novice At Arms Plaid will be repromoted to Adept Plaid upon the successful completion of a strict training course, consisting of making a minimum of one post a week from now until the end of September. For the purposes of this training exercise, the week will begin on Friday. Furthermore, Provisional Novice (Conscript) Katcal will be promoted automatically to Provisional Novice (Volunteer) upon signing a statement that she joined the church of her own free will and while not under any sort of duress. That is all.
[quote:c21bcf110d="Garner"]The Church of Garner hereby announces its latest reorganization and conscription of clergy. High Priestess to the Great Goddess and Inadequately Defined Job Description to the Great God - Om Kranti [/quote:c21bcf110d] Huzzah!! It's what I've always wanted. Although, that last bit has me puzzled, what is it I'm supposed to do for you exactly?
Paperwork? Drive the Church Short Bus to church picnics? Polish krugerands? Obey Novice At Arms Plaid?
[quote:fa872972a4="Garner"]Paperwork? Drive the Church Short Bus to church picnics? Polish krugerands? Obey Novice At Arms Plaid?[/quote:fa872972a4] Uhhhh....not that I have anything against obeying Plaid, but aren't the Novices supposed to obey the high-preisteses? Mind you, you are the Great God and have leave to do what ever you see fit with your clergy.
i find this really unfair. if i threaten to desert and join the church of ba, will i get out of the training program? can i have time off for my sister's wedding? does the week begin at dawn on friday or at noon on friday or when? are we going by the timezone in which the great god lives, or the one in which i live? what if i'm sick? what if there's nothing whatsoever to post about?
[quote:6df66b154b="spiky"]Theres an application? I never got one of those from Doors. I feel gipped.[/quote:6df66b154b] Yeah, Doors has a more "laid back, hands off" kind of aproach to his clergy. (Except his high-preistess..hehe)
**after recovering form the shock, goes down on her knees and lifts her eyes to the sky in a Roger Rabbit-like way** You love me, you really love me !! I read this before leaving for work and didn't have time to answer. I kept bursting out laughing on the bus, people who don't know me must think I'm mad.* Now, before I sign anything, I want to clear up a few points: - If I am to take up permanent residence up Garner's arse, I want my own room. Plaid farts in her sleep. And she snores. - I'm not going to stop picking on Garner, so don't even think about it. I even intend to run for promotion to Official God Pesterer. - I aten't French. - Until signing, I shall consider any better offers from other churches. Pie will be considered valid currency. *People who do know me either know I am or don't bother about thinking.
[b:8812bca5bb]On behalf of Garner:[/b:8812bca5bb] [quote:8812bca5bb]"Plaid, I easily suspect you could complete the training program just by exercising your duties/abusing your power and keeping Katcal in line. In fact, since it's now friday, you could make your post for the week by answering all her questions."[/quote:8812bca5bb]
Plaid, Mynona had to organise a choir and write hymns for it to sing. You modern novices have it easy!* Also, according to the timestamp at my end, you've already made a post for this week just by complaining. Also, there's always something to post about, unless you think we're all [i:5df398b323]that[/i:5df398b323] boring... *I, of course, never had to be a novice. My application to the Church of Garner went like this: "Can I be High Priestess of this new religion?" Garner put me in charge of collecting opals and krugerands, and that was that.
Ba got into religion by way of being a god. First god, in fact. Ba was a god when Garner was nobbut a lowly board nazi.
your god, Chris, he only has one follower However, I do see the point in your argument. Does Ba pay well ? (Also, for todays cultural moment, the word "god" or "gode" short for "godemiché", in French, means dildo. In the light of the current conversation, I find this strangely ironic )
Ba pays in pie and insofar as he doesn't smite his own followers nearly as often as he smites Garnerites or Doorsians. Those are pretty good wages, Ba feels confident Katcal will find. She will also find that Ba has more followers than merely Chris, the Grand Spatula! High Priest Avgi will attest to that, as will the Right Honourable Sugar Tin, Roman K. Brad is the Most Reverend Pie Chef, and there are numerous acolytes and so forth. Cynical Youth is in charge of Unnatural Selection, for example. There are many people whom Ba has been good enough not to stick in his arse.
(this had me giggling mightily ) Darn... That'll teach me to believe anything written by Doors. The pie is tempting... what sort ? Is eating pie whilst not being a legally approved worshipper of the church of Ba an offense worthy of smiting ? Also, how does Ba stand on the eternal debate of the pie-ishness of the Banoffee Pie, becaus 'tis the recipe I'm best at insofar as desserts are concerned.
All sorts of pie, including the advanced pie which is known as cheesecake. And yes, even non-worshippers of Ba are allowed to eat pie, though it is more easily available to worshippers of Ba. Of course, Ba is fully prepared to take pie away from them if they should be uppity, or if Ba is hungry. And Banoffee Pie is clearly pie. Any who say differently will be excommunicated. And then have their bones removed.
Ba seems to be hoarding bones again. I'm expecting a big bowl of gelatine to show up any second now....
Well it would be, that's what it's made of... Like mince pies... not like the softy versions you get today with no meat in them at all... **huff**
for the record, ba is evil. additionally, being a memeber of the clergy of garner provides you with full protection from Ba's evil and generic acts of doormen.
This entire thread made me laugh a lot. Hee hee hee. I think 'twould be interesting if all three gods made out a case for worshipping them. Of course, them being gods, they could just force an acolyte to do it for them. Or not bother. But 'twould be interesting if they did.
I just brought home a "handmade" key lime pie frozen in Florida. I hope it is nicer then the pumpkin pie we had on Wednesday. If it weren't for pie this week would have been just awful, except for getting back on line. So far I have remained a board-atheist, but I definately am leaning towards the worship of Ba. I own 6 Pyrex pie plates and I am not afraid to use them. If that counts towards acceptance into the church I would gladly join.
Redneck is also a follower of Ba. I may not have a snippy title, but I haven't been a host for his smitings in quite some time.
**Bunny salute** Yessah. Shall volunteer for active service at once in the curch of Garner Sah ! And willingly steal pie from Ba to cause utmost irritation of aforesaid god, Sah ! (Also, I really should stop watching Lads Army Sah !)
Ah the clash of the superior beings!!! On the sub-subject of Pies... Randywine is a board athiest but does love a pie* and due to the low quality of the central scotland pie merchants ([i:e7e86d35d1]excerpt from the school of My Dad Says '...well they call them pies but in my day...blah blah...whole cow...blah blah...ate the whole thing...blah blah...dolphins...blah blah...Shakespears lost sonnet... ' etc etc[/i:e7e86d35d1]) I now make my own pies. My pies are great, my pies are good. My pies taste just like a fine pie should. My pies are filled with veg and meat. My pies are a fine and tasty Sunday treat. (this could go on for another hour or so but I'll leave it at that). Apologies for all of the above I think it must be Monday madness. R. *'only ONE pie?' said Mrs Randywine incredulously, locking the fridge (again)
Ach, the church of Orrdos lost another one. I'm chief barmaid in the church of Orrdos. I keep the bar clean, make sure the doormen pay their tabs, and tell other people what to do. And promotions are an option too! I was just a regular barmaid in the beginning, now I'm head of the barmaids -- all two of us! Plus I enjoy the irony of being a teetotaller who serves the god of beer. Someone needs to be sober enough to spot the dud dollars.
Well, if the church of Orrdos had been a little quicker to make an offer, then it may not have it. I suggest you blame Doors for this. Also, if I had known that drinking beer wasn't compulsory, I might just have accepted. It's hard enough trying to convince people that you're british when you live in France, but I'm a Brit who doesn't drink tea or beer. I make up for it by eating extra Jaffa cakes and craving sausages.* *real sausages, that is, with real breadcrumbs and no big lumps of gristle and bone.
While Hex claims that its necessary for the barmaids to remain sober enough to spot dud dollars, that is probably just her method. Mine involves getting uproariously drunk, arguing with the doormen, posting gibberish thats spelt wrong and then blaming my god, Doors, for the mess I've made... This may explain why I'm still just a lowly bar wench. But I have managed to avoid all responsibility, which more than makes up for the crap wages (beer, and not good beer but that thin tasting kind of like wee stuff too).
[quote:6781f4afb2="Katcal"] I'm thinking of founding a trust fund for all poor sausage-cravers worldwide, do you want in, Om ? [/quote:6781f4afb2] Can we broaden the statement to British suasages and can I join. I miss milk too. The local stuff here tastes like custard.
Yes, obviously !! Sorry about that, it's just that British sausages are the only ones that deserve the name of sausage. All the rest are just jokes. I shall also include British cheeses and dairy products in the club. The French may have a cheese for every day in the year, but not one of them is as good as mature cheddar, especially for melting over things, and they have no double cream. And somehow they still manage to claim that they are the only country in the world that knows anything about food. Bloody frogs...
Don't forget bread, unless you like sweet bread - which I don't- and is all they sell in asia. Last time I was in britain I had sandwiches every day
[quote:a8703bfd6d="Katcal"]In a frantic attempt to steer this topic back to the subject of religion, may I suggest adding pie ?[/quote:a8703bfd6d] Depends what type. I'm very picky.
Traditional British pork pies - both the simple round ones and the brick-shaped ones with hard-boiled eggs in (though nowadays these are more likely to be one long artificially reconstituted egg! I wonder what Vimes would say about that?) - these, along with Scotch eggs (the egg and pork but no pastry delicacy, not eggs from Scotland, which would in any case be [i:6f98651e4d]Scottish[/i:6f98651e4d] eggs!) and a selection of canned British beer - constitute my shopping list of things to bring back to Belgium whenever I am in Britain!
[quote:66567bcbf5="fairyliquid"][quote:66567bcbf5="Katcal"] I'm thinking of founding a trust fund for all poor sausage-cravers worldwide, do you want in, Om ? [/quote:66567bcbf5] Can we broaden the statement to British suasages and can I join. [/quote:66567bcbf5] British Sausage Pie!!!
Too late Katcal. This thread is now on it's way to Libya where all of you will be peacefully let off as long as our demands are met!
[quote:b7c7414eda="Hsing"]Me, I'm not quite sure where in all of this theological meddle I have remained in the end.[/quote:b7c7414eda] as an attractive young woman who's not conscripted by ba or doors, you're functionally a member of the Church of Garner Bureaucracy. not part of the clergy, but there's ample opportunity for promotion.
the official pie of the church of garner is the key lime pie. the official sausage of the church of garner (reformed) is Dutchy traditional english sausages. the official sausage of the church of garner (orthodox) is pepperoni. the official cake of the church of garner is Bananna bread with walnuts and lots of bananananas. the official salad of the church of garner (reformed) is young spinach, mixed spring greens, fried chicken breast, skinned and shredded, fresh champagne grapes, grated babybel cheese, mushrooms, olives, shaved pepperoni, chick peas, alfalfa sprouts, diced artichoke bottoms, carrots, and occasional various extras, with a dressing of olive oil, oak barrel aged balsamic vinager, raspberry vinager, cranberry juice (just a tiny tiny bit), orange juice (an even tinier bit), garlic, oregano, basil, pepper, and a bloody long list of other herbs and spices that's been allowed to mature for at least a week. the official salad of the church of garner (orthodox) is watermellon. possibly cubed and garnished with passion fruit. served with lemmonade (yellow or pink, doesn't really matter.) the official stew of the church of garner is stew. there aint more than one kind.
Theres an official salad? I didn't know the Great God Garner went in for something so...gay. Your just trying to show your metrosexuality to differentiate yourself from the other gods, yes?
[quote:7b048b1761="Garner"] the official salad of the church of garner (reformed) is young spinach, mixed spring greens, fried chicken breast, skinned and shredded, fresh champagne grapes, grated babybel cheese, mushrooms, olives, shaved pepperoni, chick peas, alfalfa sprouts, diced artichoke bottoms, carrots, and occasional various extras, with a dressing of olive oil, oak barrel aged balsamic vinager, raspberry vinager, cranberry juice (just a tiny tiny bit), orange juice (an even tinier bit), garlic, oregano, basil, pepper, and a bloody long list of other herbs and spices that's been allowed to mature for at least a week. [/quote:7b048b1761] Wow! That's quite a salad.
[quote:975fc6cb94="Garner"]... served with lemmonade (yellow or pink, doesn't really matter.) [/quote:975fc6cb94] Would that be carbonated? -Brad
Hmmm. Ba's offer [i:39d302f5b0]is[/i:39d302f5b0] tempting. . . . I've always been strongly attatched to my organs.
