With the postination of his new boardfic, Chris has stepped up the pressure on me to finally post this chapter of a boardfic I started writing about two months ago. I've been stoutly saying that I wanted to get more written before I posted this and finally, chapter 2 is in advanced progress. Hopefully, with the posting of this, I will be inspired to write more regularly. This will be different from my previous story, Waterboard Down (not transferred to this board and not really finished either), as it will follow a plot of my own making, rather than a direct parody of someone else's - which, if I'm honest, got boring after a while. Don't expect the standard of my esteemed posh-scouse colleague, I'm really not that good. However, in the interests of self-improvement, I welcome any constructive criticism of my writing. Hopefully you'll enjoy it Chapter 1 Mynona sat down on her bed in the tiny hotel room she had been given. There was one tiny cupboard with barely enough room to fit her coat in, with a small drawer at the bottom large enough to admit one pair of socks. She was fortunate that she was only a petite woman, a lanky person would probably have to sleep with their knees on their chin in that bed. As always, the company gave her the very 'best' they could find. She pitied her boss, with her kingsize bed, walk-in wardrobe and free room service. It must be hell. So bad, that Mynona reckoned it would make her boss forget her birthday tomorrow. Delphine never remembered it. Every year Mynona had to go out of her way to make sure that the office signed a large card and decorated the office or Delphine would get into a strop. Come Mynona's birthday and nothing was to be heard, no-one ever seemed to care; except Rinso, the ugly, smelly janitor, who always sent her a slightly yellowing card. It was the thought that counted, even if she did have to discreetly put it into an airtight plastic envelope to prevent herself from gagging. Of course, she wouldn't even get that this year, not with the week-long conference that had just started. All she had to look forward to was a call from her mum who would no doubt question when she was going to leave that goddamn job and find herself a rich husband. Mynona wondered this herself, unfortunately it was proving to be more difficult than she was first led to believe. She looked at the clock and noticed it was past midnight. She flicked her long hair away from her mouth and started singing to herself, “Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me-eeee, Happy Birthday to me.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Rinso looked around his lonely janitor's cupboard and at his lonely bed in the corner. It was always lonely in here, no-one ever came to see him. He couldn't understand why, it had a few mops, some sponges, a small bed made of old mops and sponges with a silhouette of his skinny frame almost etched into it, a shelf which he kept his pens and paper on and most importantly of all, it was en-suite - there was a small drain in the opposite corner to that which his bed was in. There was a small mirror above the drain, but it was so smeared in grease that Rinso would struggle to see his dark, greasy hair, which probably explained why it stuck up all over the place like a cockatoo. He went about his business, then wiped his hands on the card he had made for Mynona. It was such a shame that he wouldn't be able to give it to her on her actual birthday. He knew that no-one else seemed to care and he pitied her for it. That Delphine worked her too hard for too little reward. If she would ever listen to a small pipsqueak like himself, he would tell her so. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Chris woke up, one large ear stuck to the desk. This was getting ridiculous, he needed to have this speech completed by tomorrow morning for Delphine's presentation but it was too much. He'd slaved all day but she had rejected 80% of it, so he'd spent the evening re-writing it until he'd eventually fallen asleep with his pen in his hand. As he looked at the relative position of the pen to his head, he realised he was lucky not to have poked one of his brown eyes out. He moved the pen away from his face and started writing again. He soon realised that he was getting nowhere and decided to head back to his room for a bit of proper sleep so he could possibly attack it again after forty winks. As Chris stood up, he noticed a small bottle of whiskey on one of the shelves. He looked at it and thought to himself that it might help him sleep. He took a deep swig, put the top back on and walked up the stairs to his room. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Delphine adjusted her hair in her full-length mirror, taking the time to disapprove of the nightie her personal assistant had bought her today. She had specifically asked for a lilac satin number and this was merely purple cotton with a comical snail caricature on the front. Oh, Mynona claimed that it was all she could find at such short notice, but really, quarter of an hour should be enough, shouldn't it? She gave her hair one last flick before she carefully lowered her sleeping cap onto it and made her way towards her bed. She flicked off her slippers into a small drawer underneath the bed which automatically closed shut when the second one landed in it. She briefly pondered which side of the bed to sleep on, then decided to compromise on the middle. It was good to compromise sometimes, not too often though and especially not to other people. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile, that was her motto. It was partly due to this motto that she was still a virgin. That and the fact that everybody disliked her ten minutes after meeting her, apart from her bank manager who said she was merely eccentric – though they never seemed to have a meeting longer than half an hour. Delphine settled down, making sure she wasn't lying on her hair. She called “Lights!” to turn them off and closed her eyes. Delphine always took a while to fall asleep. This annoyed her because she found it inefficient, but she guessed it was hard for her to sleep because her brain was so large that it took a long time to shut down. Therefore she heard the knock on the door clearly. Knock-knock knock-knock knock knock. She thought it was a strange tune to hear rapped out on a door, but she couldn't quite place it. Knock-knock knock-knock knock knock. It definitely was familiar, “Who is it?” she called. Knock-knock-knock-knock knock kno-knock, was the answer and Delphine recognised the tune. She quietly sung along as the next set of knocks appeared, “Hap-py Birth-day to you.” It went deathly quiet, “Hello?” BANG! The door fell out and a figure jumped into the doorway. Delphine screamed. The figure threw a disc at her head, she managed to duck and screamed again. The figure looked around, then ran away. Whilst Delphine sat down and tried to recover her breathing, an old security guy poked his head round the door, “Is everything alright, ma'am?” “A man just threw something at me! Then ran away! Who are you?” “I'm security, the name's Garner. Are you hurt?” “No, just a bit shaken up. The thing missed me.” “You might want to have a look in the mirror, ma'am.” Delphine turned to the mirror, dreading what she might see. It was worse than she imagined. The disc had sliced through the sleeping cap, decapitating her hair. Delphine screamed.
Loving it, thanks Electric_Man. Isn't she just? In fact, so much so I almost feel sorry for her.....I hope the phantom disc-thrower manages to humble her sufficiently to heal her obviously rampant insecurity. Am I reading too much into this? Lol, I don't care if I am, i'm enjoying it. Also, the under-dogs Mynona and Rinso had better become rich, triumphant and married.
Hmmmm. I'll try not to take it personally * (*note forced smiley of imminent violence) Good stuff Ben, more more more!
Thanks guys. Here's chapter two! Chapter 2 Mynona muzzily walked down the stairs to Delphine's room, having been called up barely half an hour after she'd gone to bed. She stared at the door on the floor, barely managing to comprehend what it meant as she looked into the room to see her boss striding around in a panic. “Mynona!” cried Delphine, “Where have you been? Don't just stand there girl, I've just been attacked!” “An wha wou yer like me a do?” she answered sleepily, “Unattac yer?” “Don't be stupid girl, go and get me some coffee. The strongest kind you can find. Then call the doctor,” she pointed to her severed hair, “I need some serious medical attention here!” “Bu the doc'or will be shu now.” “Then arrange it for the first thing in the morning, I cannot and will not go to the conference looking like this.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Chris reached over with a long arm to turn off the alarm. Two hours sleep! Punctuated by a bizarre dream of knocks, bangs, screams and chocolate buttons that grew and grew until the entire world was one giant chocolate button. It tasted good. Which is more than he could say for his mouth, which was as dry as a withering put-down in the House of Lords. He quickly fetched a glass of water to drink and promptly managed to miss half of his mouth with the first swig, causing that lovely feeling of water dribbling down his chest and soaking into his green jim-jams. Undeterred and still semi-concious, he picked up the speech and set to work on it once more. Several hours and much fevered scribbling later, a knock came at his door. Oh no, Delphine! He thought, he quickly took a brief swig of whisky for courage and said “Enter.” “Hi.” said Mynona as she opened the door, “Only me. 'She' wanted to know how the rewrite was going.” “Oh, nearly finished. Very close, very close. Just a few more minutes.” “Don't fret, you've got another hour at least.” “That's cool, but it will be finished soon. Think I'll leave it on her desk and skedaddle as soon as I'm done.” Chris thought for a bit, “So where is she then, I was expecting hassle.” “She's gone to see the doctor.” “The doctor, why?” “Didn't you hear? She got attacked in the middle of last night.” “Really?” said Chris with barely suppressed glee, “Who did it?” “Dunno, wish I had the guts to do it. Would have stuck around to do the job properly, not just stop at the hair.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Doctor Saccharissa, wearing a long white doctor's coat and a white nurse's cap perched onto her bushy brown hair to contradict the coat, stood over her charge. She took one last, critical look at her work, “I did everything I could to reattach it, but unfortunately it is going to look a little messy from now on.” “Ba is disappointed! Optimus Prime should not look like he was glued together!” “Well maybe you should have thought of that before you put him on the railway tracks, young man.” “He should have picked up the train and dismissed it like a sack of potatoes!” said the eight year old, “Optimus Prime is supposed to be powerful!” “The problem you seem to have is that this is only a model of Optimus Prime, not the real thing.” she tousled his vividly ginger hair, “Now run along.” Ba tried to think of a suitable retort, but when he looked up at the foreboding figure with her stern expression, he thought better of it and ran out the room with his still slightly sticky figurine. Saccharissa sighed as he closed the door behind him, “Damn brat, if only his parents didn't pay me so well, I would able to get on with actually curing people instead of toys.” With her first patient out of the way, she looked back down at her schedule to see who was next, “Ye gods!” she cried, “What a start to a day, first Ba, now Delphine!” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Several people stared at Rinso's walk. His bandy legs made for an interesting form of locomotion and a few unkind children laughed at him as he made his way to the supermarket. Rinso hated going out in public for this very reason, but it was necessary sometimes to acquire food. He looked starved, but he did eat – just as little as possible so he didn't have to expose himself to the public as much. Rinso picked up his trolley, walked past the security guard and through the sliding doors. He made his way past all the useless sections that they put at the front of shops now, Books, Films, Clothes, Housewares, Cleansing Products and the Fruit and Veg section. Finally he reached his goal of the microwave meals and mulled over the special offers – buy one get one free, three for the price of two, even four for the price of three! But, as always, he was won over by the offer of tokens on one brand for a free model airplane, all he would need is 20 cardboard tokens and £5 sent to a foreign address! Satisfied with his selections, Rinso paid and left the store, nodding at the grizzled security guard as he left. As he walked back to the offices, bags swinging slightly due to his gait, he realised that there was a constant slow, mechanical hum nearby. He looked over his shoulder and realised that a Honda Accord was seemingly following him. Hoping that it was coincidence and they were just looking for a house nearby, Rinso quickened his pace. So did the car. Rinso sped up once more, running like a crab going forwards. The car accelerated. Holding the bag handles tightly, so nothing would fall out, Rinso sprinted, failing to notice the oncoming junction. The car's tyres screeched as it went round the bend, aiming for the scampering Rinso, who jumped at the last moment, rolled over the car and onto the tarmac. Rinso stared at the disappearing car for a moment before checking himself for damage. He felt around and groaned, “The bastards broke my cottage pie!” Then he fainted.
After careful consideration, I have decided that Ba at 8 years old is not a good thought, all those cats with missing limbs and the poor shop owners that had *one child at a time (unless you are the Ginger kid with thundersporks)* as a sign in their window!!! Ben this is great, I'm intrigued as to who chopped the hair and i think they need to get a medal at some point in the story! (sorry Ella but you have to admit the you in the story is a bich) In the words of the great Teletubbies AGAIN AGAIN.
Heheheheh, go Delphine, you bich! Whoever sliced the 'fro should die for such disrespect. Does this mean I can join the bich club? >looks hopeful< Oh, and: Poor old Rinso. Although picturing the jellylegs walk made me giggle a bit.
I like it... Mini-Ba is cool as a frozen kitty. Smelly-jelly Rinso rocks likewise. Get'em carrot-boy !
Fine, OK, but don't expect them as often as Chris' fic - some of us have to work! I would also like to offer my thanks to my editors so far: Ella, Chris and Mynona (in no particular order... maybe) Chapter 3 “Let me get this straight,” said Doctor Saccharissa, her eyebrows forming a perfect V, “you want me to perform...” she sighed, “a 'follicularendomy'?” “Yes, that's what I said,” replied Delphine, waving the severed hair at the medic, “I simply must have it reattached!” “Fine! Leaving aside the fact that term is about as accurate as a released balloon, I shall see what I can do.” and maybe one day I'll get to do something I'm actually trained for, she added in the privacy of her own brain. She grabbed some ceramic curlers and a tub of styling wax. “Right, you're going to have to sit very still.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Rinso woke up in a hospital bed. He was a bit worried at first, but the feel of a catheter (to him) was reassuring. One of the nurses spotted him. “Ya're up laddy! How'd ya feel?” “A bit groggy.” “Only ta be expected. Would ya like me ta ring abody?” “Is it serious?” “Nah, bit o' bruising. Ya blacked oot for a bit, so the doctor wants ta keep ya in fo the rest o' the day.” “No, that's ok. Thanks Nurse...?” “Orrdos.” “Wait, are you a male nurse?” “Aye, ya got a problem wi' that, Jimmy?” “Well no, but normally male nurses wear trousers rather than skirts.” “Mah mammy says ah have braw calves.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* “Yes mum, I'll visit you as soon as I get back.” said Mynona into her mobile phone, “Yes mum, I'm sure your present is great, they're normally very good.” she sighed, “Yes mum, I AM brushing my teeth after every meal. OK, bye mum. Love you too.” Mynona looked at her pink Barbie watch (the previous birthday present from her mum), dreading the time when Delphine would return to see the substandard script that Chris had left in her care. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Having searched the streets briefly, Chris finally found the place he was looking for down a small cobbled alley. He opened the plain, unremarkable, brown door and descended down a dingy hallway to another dull door. He entered and walked up to the illegal, early hours bar, “Gin and slimline tonic, please.” He settled down at a stool and pondered his work; he knew Delphine wouldn't be pleased, but he hoped to forget that shortly. A dozen G+Ts later, he decided that some fresh air might be good. He thanked the barman and headed back outside. As he went to walk down the alley, he noticed someone else was in it. He peered through unfocused eyes and some braincells flashed up a match. “Oh hello, how are you?” In reply, the figure shoved Chris, causing him to trip backwards over a stone and crack his head on the cobbles. Blood flowed freely out of his skull.
Who is trying to kill all these innocent people!? Poor Chris ...oh! THAT'S what you meant by character assasination!! [/lightbulb moment] Also, i'm happy to be an editor. Sneak previews make me feel important.
OH MY GOD *said like a BBC announcer* What will happen to Della's hair? Will Rinso ever get the catheter out now? Will Mynona ever grow up? and who is the killer? Find out some answers (although not to these questions) in the next enthralling episode of TO KILL A MOCKINGBOARD! Good stuff Ben......
Aww, you're all so nice, except Hsing - EMO?!?!?! Anyhoo, sorry about the delay on this chapter, I do try to write quickly, but sometimes I open OpenOffice and just can't think of a single thing to write. That happened for a week and a half :? Chapter 4 Delphine strode into the preparation room, where Mynona was waiting. Mynona discretely inspected her employer's hair. It looked normal when she was still, but when she moved her head, the end of each follicle seemed to react slightly slower than the root. “The doctor did wonders, ma'am.” said Mynona, “Your hair looks back to normal.” and not like a drunken spider at all. “She was too slow. If she'd have been faster it might have been perfect.” “I guess not everyone can go as fast as you, ma'am.” “Well of course they can't, girl. But they should blooming well try!” Delphine looked around the table, “Where's the speech?” Mynona pointed to it. “OK, while I read what drivel has been served up for me, you can go and get my power suit. And bring my highest, sharpest heels.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Rinso had decided to go for a little walk to the window. Walking wasn't actually as painful as he had first suspected, but then the pull of the catheter caused a sensation that slightly distracted from any pains in his legs. Just as he realised that the ward overlooked the Accident & Emergency entrance, he saw an ambulance come blaring towards it. The driver performed a perfect handbrake turn to point the back end at the A&E entrance; unfortunately, it also caused the occupant's bed to slam into and shoot out of the back doors halfway round the turn. The bed innocently trundled into some bushes, where it was collected by a few orderlies who shot venomous glances at the driver. As they pulled the bed out, Rinso noticed the occupant had a vaguely familiar face, a slightly lopsided skull and vivid red hair. Slowly the realisation dawned that the red was caused by blood and the person was... “That writer guy! Oh my god, I need to find a phone!” Rinso turned rapidly, his eyes watering as his catheter got caught under one of his feet. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* “Hello and welcome to the fourth annual Macnester Business Conference.” said a tall woman with thick, brown hair, “I'll be your host this evening, Buzz Floyd and for the wags among you, yes I am a woman with a boy's name, but my parents were great jokers. For further proof, my middle names are Lucy Anne Mary Jane.” She grinned and looked around at a puzzled audience. “LAMJ?” she realised the audience was still silent, “Anyway, enough about me! We have a great programme of events organised for you today, as you have no doubt seen in the brochures provided. We start with a speech from last year's Egnlish Businesswoman of the year, who turned around the fortunes of a small marketing company with her inimitable single-minded style. Some people have called her ruthless and cold, but we all know that to succeed in business, you need to make tough decisions. She is here today to share some of the secrets to her success! “So, without further ado, please welcome to the stage, the Managing Director of BicTec – Delphine Bullturn!” Delphine stood up from her seat and stalked to the front lectern, where she shuffled her notes and prepared to speak. “Thank you, Mister Floyd.” The audience laughed. “It is with great pleasure that I speak to you today about the success of BicTec...” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Whilst the speech continued, Mynona sat in the preparation room, waiting for the return of her employer. The phone rang. “Hello, Delphine Bullturn's office, Mynona speaking.” “Mynona, thank god I got through to you! It's Rinso!” “The janitor?” “Yeah. Happy birthday!” “Thanks, you called me for that? That's really sweet of you.” “Well, not really. I'm in hospital. I got run over by a maniac!” “That's terrible, who was it?” “I don't know, but I've just seen that writer dude...” “Chris?” “Yeah, he was just stretchered in, his head's all mangled and he looks bad. He's turned into a ginger!” “What?” “I think someone's attacking BicTec employees and they're sick and twisted. You need to be careful Mynona, I wouldn't like to see them do to you what they did to Chris. Blonde hair is much nicer.”
O M G more more! I think that pretty much sums it up for me! Don't wait so long next time! PPPLLLLLLEEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEEE
Well, only a week for this one, not quite as long a wait Chapter 5 Nurse Bemblebee pushed the trolley with the recumbent Chris into the theatre, where she approached the surgeon, Doctor Whiplash. Nurse Bemblebee explained the situation to her, but never meeting her eye. Their drunken kiss the previous night had created a great awkwardness between them, especially as they were both in serious relationships with other members of the hospital staff. When she had started working in A&E, Bemblebee had thought it strange that everyone went out with someone from the workplace. But, after a while, she succumbed to the advances of the porter and she couldn't imagine it any other way. Occasionally someone went out with a non-workmate, but that too frequently ended with death of one or the other. Sometimes it was worse – transfer to the other side of the country were not unheard of. “Patient is suffering severe haemorrhaging from the head and also appears to have a few twigs in his hair.” Said Doctor Whiplash, trying not to think about last night.”We're going to need something to pull that skull back into shape, so as to prevent further trauma to the brain and something to remove the twigs, Clay.” “Yes Doctor.” said the orderly, who quickly left the room to find the Skull-Reshaper™ and some scissors, leaving Bemblebee and Whiplash alone. “How's the patient doing, Nurse?” “Blood pressure is...” she looked up, caught Doctor Whiplash's eye and they reached across the body, locking their lips in a passionate kiss. They pulled away just before the orderly came back with the tools. He stared at the two for a second, noticing some kind of electricity between them. Doctor Whiplash broke the silence. “Give them here man! We have work to do.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Mynona was still pondering on the phonecall when Delphine returned to the room with a triumphant smirk on her face. “That'll give them something to remember me by.” She chucked something into her bag on the desk. “Now where's my coffee?” “Just here, ma'am.” said Mynona, pouring it out of the jug she had just filled. She passed the cup to Delphine, who drank it without a comment. “Any messages while I was out there?” “Um... there was one phonecall.” “Well, what was it about? Come on, out with it girl.” “It was Rinso.” Delphine looked blankly at Mynona. “The janitor from the office.” “Oh?” “He was in hospital. He said he'd been run over. Deliberately.” “So?” “Apparently Chris is hospitalised too. Rinso said he looked bad, someone had bashed him in the head.” “So?” “Well, what with your attack last night, it seems that someone is attacking BicTec employees.” “Well, aren't you sharp? Of course BicTec employees are being attacked. I know one of them attacked me, I know what regard you all hold me in.” Mynona looked fearfully at her boss. “Yes, girl. You are next. Everyone will suffer for this grand insult.” Delphine pointed at her hair whilst Mynona backed away. “I'm surprised that the janitor survived, but he will not last a second strike. Chris... well doctors can do marvels, but I doubt they will resurrect him. You shall get a more, personal, treatment. Your colleagues... well I think I shall go for something more general.” Her eyes flashed, “It will be fun, though.” Mynona managed to manoeuvre behind the desk. “You can't escape, girl.” said Delphine, pulling out a long kitchen knife stowed under her waistband. She slashed at the air a couple of times, grinning. Mynona tried to feint first one way, then the other, but Delphine held her ground, still pointing the knife at her. Mynona looked wildly around, trying to find a way to get to the door behind her boss. In desperation, she pushed the table with all her force. The table tipped over and crashed into Delphine's shins. Mynona picked up a chair and ran towards the door, swiping at Delphine as she passed, The chair hit Delphine in the arm, but not before she had made a desperate slash which cut Mynona on the arm. Both of them cried out. But Mynona continued her dash to the door, still holding the chair protectively. Delphine tried to follow but stumbled over the table. Mynona managed to get out of the room and promptly jammed the chair under the door handle. She rushed down the corridor and rushed through a door that led to the conference room. She stared around it, everyone sat slumped in their chair. She smelled something in the air and tested the pulse of one of the bodies. Nothing. Mynona rushed out of the room as quickly as she could. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Delphine sat in the room for a while, catching her breath. Damn that girl! She thought. But I will find her, she'll go to that janitor fellow. Delphine picked up her bag, replacing the gas mask neatly into it. She moved to the door and stabbed just under the handle, dislodging the chair on the other side. Then she made her way to the hospital. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* After the operation, the unmoving body of Chris lay alone in a hospital bed. Beside him, a machine beeped as he lay in his coma.
I'm in a boardfic!! I'm in a boardfic!! Huzzah!!! (Admittedly I'm having an ER-style lesbian fling........meh. I'm in a boardfic!) More importantly though: Sweet Mother of Heaven. :shock: Please don't let Chris die....Or Mynona.....You can let Delphine, Bich Extraordinaire die if you like.
But who goes around randomly cutting peoples hair off? Its like ninja hairdressers --> Death by Bad Hair
Ben, how could you!!! I am not a SURGEON. I don't even own a white coat. I agree with my on screen lover, Please don't let Chris die, i like his persona in this story. (and yey i'm in a board fic)
[quote:94c732e2ea="Darth_Bemblebee"]More importantly though: Sweet Mother of Heaven. :shock: Please don't let Chris die....Or Mynona.....You can let Delphine, Bich Extraordinaire die if you like.[/quote:94c732e2ea] Bich! You're so next. This is great, ben. I've never been a baddie before. It's delightful.
[quote:8fd84dc3c3="misswhiplash"]Ben, how could you!!! I am not a SURGEON. I don't even own a white coat.[/quote:8fd84dc3c3] [quote:8fd84dc3c3]Darth_Bemblebee wrote: More importantly though: Sweet Mother of Heaven. Please don't let Chris die....Or Mynona.....You can let Delphine, Bich Extraordinaire die if you like. Bich! You're so next. [/quote:8fd84dc3c3] I can't die!! I add necessary sexiness to the tale, bringing in a key sector of the punters......do you want this movie to flop?!?! Don't you want to see kids playing with Delphine the Bich dolls (with removable hair)??? (No, wait...)
Thanks for the comments, guys. This is almost becoming a weekly thing! [Note: don't count on it being a weekly thing, although I'll try] Chapter 6 Mynona ran out of the hotel and straight to the taxi rank. “Hospital, please.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Meanwhile, Delphine walked swiftly to the hotel's underground car park where her borrowed Honda Accord was parked. She briefly tutted about the slightly scratched paintwork, “Damn Janitor.” then climbed into the driver's seat and set off for the hospital. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* The taxi pulled up to the hospital, Mynona chucked some money at him and asked him to wait a few minutes before hurrying into the building. She advanced to the reception. “Hello...” she looked at the receptionist's name-tag, “Jack. I'm looking for Rinso de Wind. He was admitted this morning.” “Certainly madam, one moment.” He looked up the name on the computer. “Ah yes, ward 7b. Third floor.” “Thank you,” Mynona replied, moving towards the elevator as she said it. Pushing the call button, she was lucky enough to see the doors open immediately. Entering quickly, she pressed three before anyone else had the chance to share the elevator and slow her down. Once she reached her floor, she looked around for the correct ward and then... “Rinso!” “Mynona! What are you doing here?” “It was Delphine!” Rinso looked blank. “Who attacked you!” “Wow, that's... not very surprising, actually.” “And she knows you're here, we have to leave!” “But they haven't discharged me, I've still got all the wires and stuff in me.” “There's no time to lose!” She pulled out the drip cable, but leaving the needle in, then yanked the catheter out, causing Rinso's eyes to water. “Gnnnng.” “Come on, I've got a taxi outside.” “Gnnnng!” Mynona grabbed his hand and yanked him into the corridor, still wearing his surgical gown. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Delphine approached the hospital and parked in a space that had just been vacated by a taxi. She strode into the building and accosted the receptionist. “What room is...” she racked her brains, what was his name again? “... Rinsod Wald in?” “My, he's popular,” replied Jack, “Ward 7a, third floor.” Delphine immediately stalked off to the elevator. When she got to Ward 7a, she found an empty bed with a forlorn drip-stand beside it. She picked up the clipboard at the front of the bed and noted that it had the name “Rinso de Wind” on it. “Damn,” she said. She walked out of the room, stopping only to slip on the discarded piss-sack and bump her sizeable rear on the floor. “Oh, you'll pay. You will pay.”
New chapter! Chapter 7 Delphine exited the hospital to see a man with yellow-striped black hat leaving a ticket on her car. “Who the hell do you think you are?” she demanded. “Pleased to meet you too.” He retorted. “My name is Steven, I'm a traffic warden.” Delphine narrowed her eyes menacingly. “What gives you the right to put a ticket on my car?” “The council do. You parked in the taxi rank. No other type of vehicle is allowed.” “That's ridiculous!” “It's the law.” “Right.” Delphine looked down near her feet. “Hmm, what's that down there?” Steven strolled forward, looking down. “I can't see any...” In a flash, Delphine dug the sharp heel of her right shoe into his foot and punched him in the face. Steven went down like a tree. “I'm not really in a law-abiding mood today.” Delphine said. She plucked the ticket off of her windscreen, tore it up, then got into the car and drove off. Steven whimpered on the pavement. “She trod on my foot! Completely without provocation!” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* The taxi pulled up outside the offices of BicTec. It wasn't actually a particularly large building, but two thirties semi-detached houses converted into one. Nevertheless, it still managed to hold about 30 employees, each with their own workstation. Discounting Rinso's cupboard, Delphine was the only one who had a room to herself. Mynona and Rinso entered the left-hand door, which was the staff entrance. They walked through the corridor to the main office. A lanky guy with dark hair and square glasses, relatively new to the company, acknowledged Mynona. “Hey, back already?” “Hi Victim, is every...” “Can you not call me that please?” “But it's your name.” “Well yes, but I hate my first name,” he replied, “I'd much prefer to be called by my surname. At least my parents couldn't screw that up.” “Okay O'Veight, have it your way. But we're wasting time here, there's something everyone needs to hear and fast.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* On reception at the other side of the building, a young blonde was filing her nails when the phone rang. “Good mor...” she double checked the clock, “...afternoon, BicTec Marketing. My name is Spiky, how may I be of assistance?” “It's Delphine.” “Oh, hi ma'am. How's your day been?” “Distinctly average. I need you to do something on the computer for me, just follow my instructions, but don't write them down. This is confidential.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Mynona scanned the crowd of employees, checking that everyone was there. The only exception was the receptionist, who was on a call. She decided that she would fill her in later, who knew when Delphine might get here? “Right everyone, listen up. We all need to get out of here. Delphine is on a murderous rampage against us.” “What?” Someone said. “Okay, she's not the nicest of people but she wouldn't do that. Would she?” “We think she's already killed Chris. She's also attacked Rinso and I. She won't stop until she's killed everyone at BicTec. She's probably already on the way here, so we need to leave now!” On that note, everyone rushed to their desk to pick up their wallets/purses, mobile phones, keys, coats, photos and company stationery. Then they rushed to the exits whilst Mynona explained to Spiky. “But I just had her on the phone!” Spiky said. “She seemed her usual self. Bossing me around as usual.” Mynona heard a few shouts in the background as she replied. “What did she ask you to do?” “Oh. I'm not allowed to tell anyone. It's con-fi-den-tial.” Mynona sighed and someone ran past her. “She's trying to kill us, Spiky. Orders from people trying to kill you don't count. What did she ask you to do?” “Just do some stuff on the computer. I didn't really understand it properly, just a bunch of entry stuff. It's funny really, the computer turned itself off after her instructions. But she seemed happy and ended the call after that.” O'Veight came up to Mynona. “The doors! They're all locked!”
[quote:341462f338="Electric_Man"]Steven whimpered on the pavement. “She trod on my foot! Completely without provocation!”[/quote:341462f338] LOL Super gripping! How could the BicTec employees possible beat such a formiddable yet stylish enemy? I'm sure we'll find if they do soon. >points threateningly to bens foot and my spiky heel< [i:341462f338]very[/i:341462f338] soon.
oh this is gripping.......can the geeky guy with glasses become a hero in some way? no? Well thats a shame, you could just kill him off then in a freak geek accident........ and what of the Lesbian affair? are we never to know if they got together? we do need a love interest you know Ben. This is soooooooo cool. Thanks Ben.
I have no idea who the lanky bloke with square glasses could be... I have to wonder though, if there was such a superhero as GeekMan, would he turn into a normal human type, or would it be more like "Bicycle Repair Man!" Great stuff E-Man - Muchly appreciated
Gah, stupid lesbians detracting from the rest of my story... Sorry this is a little late from the normal weekend slot. I would've posted it yesterday, but my net went down. Anyway, enough excuses. Time for: Chapter 8 Safe in the knowledge that nobody could escape BicTec, Delphine decided to stop by at her penthouse apartment in the city. She walked in, glaring at her grey-faced housemaid Grace and opening one of the closets. She took out two large, heavy bags and handed them to Grace, who sagged slightly under the weight. “Take them down to the car,” Delphine said, “I’ll join you in a moment.” Delphine went back in the closet. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* The BicTec building was in chaos. People had been throwing things at the windows and doors, but they stood firm against the onslaught of chairs, keyboards and staplers. It seemed that Delphine had actually found a rare honest double-glazing salesman, who had sold completely unbreakable glass. None of the windows could be opened, either. The employees of BicTec were completely reliant on the air-conditioning system, which had gone down with the rest of the electrical devices in the building. Consequently, it was getting rather stuffy in the building and a few jumpers had had to be removed. The blackout had also disabled all the phones and, seemingly, some kind of signal blocker had been put into operation, as no-one could make a call on their mobile. A few people still tried, waving their phone in the air near a window, looking foolish, but they still couldn't make a call. Mynona sat in a corner, forgotten once more. A senior data entry clerk, a slightly hyperactive woman called Om, had taken charge of the operation to try and find a way out. A search of the walls and ceilings for holes had so far yielded several air conditioning ducts, none of them large enough to even fit a cat. Not that anyone had any animals on site, Delphine had very clear views on animals in the workplace and they involved washing machines. Rinso had also been left alone. It was the normal state of affairs for him, most people tended to ignore him unless they wanted him to fix or clean something. He had retreated into his cupboard for a lie down, as he was still sore from being run over that morning. When he turned over to get comfortable, he noticed the card that he had made Mynona and thought of how terrible she must be feeling, with all this trouble on her birthday. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Delphine parked the car in the street of houses that backed onto BicTec. None of the employees knew that she also owned this house, although she rented it out to a family on the condition that they told no-one who the landlord was, and that they allowed her access to the basement whenever she wanted. She made Grace carry the heavy bags down to the basement of the house. Delphine pulled out a torch so she could locate something on the wall nearest BicTec. She pushed an innocuous looking shelf, which caused a section of wall to rotate and send them into the basement underneath BicTec. “Empty the bags and put the contents down there,” said Delphine, pointing to a spot in the middle of the floor. “Right, now go back to the wall where we came in.” Grace obeyed, saying nothing. Delphine was glad she went for the silent version. Delphine walked over to Grace, opened up her chest and selected 'Reset Memory'. Grace's eyes flickered. Delphine reached behind Grace's head, switched her off, then pushed the shelf again to send Grace back into the other basement. Delphine walked over to the ex-contents of the bag and pushed a few buttons, causing a timer to start counting down from 30:00. Then she grabbed a ladder and turned her attention to undoing the bolts that prevented those above from entering the basement.
oooooh edge of my seat, fingernail bitingly excellent stuff Ben. GET ON WITH IT, WE WANT MORE PLEASE.......
Quite probably the penultimate chapter: Chapter 9 Doctor Whiplash performed a few routine checks on Chris as he lay in Intensive Care, when a brown-haired woman rushed in. “My poor boy!” she cried. “Ah, you would be his mother?” asked the doctor. The woman nodded as she stared at her son. “I'm sorry Mrs Jordan, he's...” “Miss Hsing,” she replied, still staring down at her son's misshapen head. “Um, well the medical term is a coma. But I guess his conciousness is not currently locatable.” The woman looked up at the doctor. “What are you talking about?” “You said he was missing.” “No, I'm Miss Hsing.” “But...” Doctor Whiplash scrambled for words, “you're right here? Aren't you?” Miss Hsing spoke slowly. “My name. Is. Miss,” she paused deliberately, “Hsing. I reverted back to my maiden name after I divorced his father.” “Oh. Sorry.” “No problem. Now, my son?” “Well as I said, he's in a coma and... well, you might want to sit down.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Rinso got up, grasping the card as he did so. He walked out of his cupboard to find Mynona. If he had left just one minute later, he would have noticed the floor under his bed flap upwards. After that, he would have noticed a mass of dark, disjointed hair rise out of the hole. But he had left already, so he didn't even notice the satisfied smirk on Delphine's face which was soon wiped off when she smelled where she was. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* “So, what you're saying is...” said Hsing with a dry throat, “that even if he wakes up, he'll be a vegetable?” “I'm sorry, but the trauma to that side of the head will have undoubtedly disrupted his neural and motor functions. There was nothing we could do by the time he got to us. We were fortunate to keep him alive.” Hsing stared at her child with tears welling up in her eyes. “His mind was everything to him. He was so creative. “I don't know whether he would want to stay alive like this.” The only sound for a while was the beep of the life-support machine. Doctor Whiplash moved to the door. “I'll leave you alone with him for a minute or two.” Doctor Whiplash shut the door behind her with a morose look on her face. Nurse Bemblebee spotted her and walked over. “What's up?” “That poor patient.” “Aww, well I'll cheer you up this evening.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Rinso walked through the jabbering, panicking masses until he found Mynona in her corner. “Um, hi,” he said. She smiled wanly, “Hi.” “Are you alright?” “Apart from the waiting for my impending doom? Not too bad. I feel a bit sleepy though. You?” “The same really.” They looked at each other for a moment. Rinso broke the silence, “Um, I got...” He was interrupted by a loud bang, such as that of his cupboard door being slammed. Delphine stood in the doorway, with an automatic rifle in her hands. “Hello, employees.”
SO SAD! Poor Chris. Poor, poor Chris. [size=4:0ad5b8fab1]Secretly: Go Delphine! WOO![/size:0ad5b8fab1]
Dammit I'm hanging from a cliff here... finish it so I can no what happened in the end! BTW Delpine I copied and pasted that little thing at the bottom and shame on you. You are enjoying your evil side way too much.
I agree with Spiky, Come on Ben put us out of our misery. I'm dying to know if i live happily ever after with Darth and what happens to Chris, does he become a bit more brainy or will he stay a veg as normal! and what about Rinso and Mynona, they have to get together, and can someone just bloody kill Delphine please (not the real one, just in the story you understand) she is doind my nut in with her evil ways!!! Ben you are a hero for keeping me enthralled in this. I loose interest in these things so quickly normally. Very good story writing there honey.
Last installment, I hope you all enjoy! Chapter 10 Everyone stared at Delphine, Delphine stared back and raised the rifle. Spiky emerged from the crowd. “Ma'am! Thank goodness you're here! We can't get out of the building!” “Um, Spiky?” started Om. “Ssh, ma'am is about to shoot a hole out of the door to let us out. Aren't you ma'am?” Delphine looked at Spiky for a second, wondering why she'd employed her. The she realised it was precisely for this eventuality, gullible idiots had many uses. “Yes, Spiky,” she said, “I'm going to shoot the door.” She aimed the rifle towards the door and fired, shooting about ten people who couldn't get out the way in time. They all went down, either dead or bleeding terminally. “Oh dear,” said Delphine in mock concern, “that didn't seem to work. Shall I try again?” “No!” Cried Om. “What is wr...” Delphine interrupted her. “I didn't ask you. You're fired.” She shot Om a few times in the head. “I asked Spiky.” She looked pointedly at Spiky. “Um, I don't think you should,” said Spiky eventually, staring at the bleeding corpse of Om, “I don't think it'll work somehow.” “Well done.” Said Delphine patronisingly. Then she turned to the room. “Now, if you don't all want to die, answer me this question: Who attacked me last night?” No-one answered. “Come on, I know you all speak about me behind my back. You think the security cameras are just to deter burglars? I know one of you know who attacked me.” No-one answered. “Okay. You, new guy,” she pointed at O'Veight with the gun, “who shot me? If you don't answer, I'll shoot you.” “I... I don't know.” Delphine shot the woman next to O'Veight, a young lady called Angua. “Are you sure?” “I don't know!” “Well, what do you know, you told the truth. Okay, tell me this, where is that worthless secretary of mine?” “Mynona?” “Yes.” O'Veight paused. “Where is she?” Delphine aimed the gun more pointedly. “She's here!” He cried. “I don't know where, but she's in the building.” “Thank you.” She shot him in the chest, repeatedly, her eyes gleaming. Once satisfied, she called out. “Mynona, come out from wherever you are.” Slowly, Mynona emerged from the office which she had been sitting in. Her progress was slow because Rinso was trying to drag her back. “No,” Mynona hissed at him, “I'll have to face her some time.” “Ah, and the hideous janitor too.” Said Delphine. “How charitable of you to bring him along to your impending doom.” “You be quiet, you... bully.” Said Rinso. “None of us have ever treated you badly, despite what you've done to us. Especially Mynona. The amount of shit you've made her do...” Delphine lazily shot him. “Shut up.” Mynona looked at the fallen janitor with horror. “Now Mynona,” Delphine continued, “who attacked me?” Mynona looked up, with a teary, yet determined look. “I don't know. I wish I did so I could shake them by the hand. You're nothing but a miserable bitch.” “Oh, I'm sure that's not what you really think.” Replied Delphine, weighing the rifle in her hands once more. “I'm being kind. You demand the unreasonable, you treat me like a second class citizen, you never say thank you or please, you barely bother to learn people's names. Calling you a bitch is unfair on bitches, I don't have the words for what you should be called. I don't care what you do to me, but I refuse to be your employee anymore. I resign.” “Well that really was quite a speech, your last words are really quite fitting. It was nice of you to grow a spine, at the end.” Delphine fired, but instead of hitting Mynona, the bullets went into the flying shape of Rinso, who launched himself at the egomaniac with a last burst of strength. The janitor hit the woman and they both tumbled to the floor, causing Delphine to drop the gun. Realising that she was now unarmed, the remainder of the workforce launched themselves at Delphine. “Shit,” was Delphine's last word. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Miss Hsing took a long, tearful look at her son. “Why did this have to happen to you? You had a long career ahead of you, a wonderful mind. What would you do without it?” Hsing stared at him and brushed away a few locks of hair from his forehead, kissing him tenderly. “I love you, Chris. I hope you can forgive me.” She walked over to the life-support machine and switched it off. When the doctor went back into the room, they saw her sobbing uncontrollably over his body. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Mynona clambered over to the fallen body of Rinso, who was miraculously still conscious. She wrapped her arms around him. “Rinso! You saved me! You saved us all!” When Rinso replied, it was in a breathy voice. “You deserve to be alive. More than anyone else.” Mynona held him tighter and started to cry. “Besides,” he went on, “I had to give you your birthday card.” Struggling, he pulled a bent piece of card out of his pocket and handed it to Mynona. She held the card in one hand and read it, a smile appeared amongst her tears. “It's beautiful. Thank you.” Rinso smiled back, “No, thank you.” And in Mynona's tight embrace, Rinso passed on. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Spiky climbed down to the basement ahead of a couple of her colleagues, the adrenaline rush from whacking Delphine over the head with a keyboard still coursing through her veins. She reached the bottom and looked around for a way out. Her search lead her to something in the middle of the floor. “Hey, what's this?” She called. “It's got, like, numbers on it, but they keep changing.” “Um... what does it say now?” replied someone. “It says '00:02'! Now '00:01'! Now '00:00'!” Everything exploded.
Epilogue One month and a few days later, in the Macnester Hotel staff room, the security staff assembled. “I dunno whether we should carry it on,” said Garner. “It all got pretty bad last time, when it was my turn.” “They didn't find out, did they?” replied the senior guard, whose name was Tephlon. “Well no...” “Besides, it's a tradition. We've been doing it for years. That's the first time someone's gone homicidal due to it. Freak occurrence.” “I guess it is a tradition.” Garner looked around, everyone nodded their head. “OK,” said Tephlon, “on your birthday, Cynical Youth, I charge you with this frisbee. Go forth and rap the secret code onto the door of room...” Tephlon plucked a piece of paper out of a hat, “374, then launch forth the frisbee into the room.” Cynical Youth nodded sagely. “And just open the door with the key, will ya? Broken doors only rouse suspicion.”
OK so my boyfriend is now dead with a huge hole in his chest, you didn't tell me if i stayed with my lesbian partner and OMG you killed Rinso, you bastard. (That would have sounded better if it had been Kenny, oh well.) I loved this story, especially since it was the first board fic iv'e been in. Thanks Ben, you have a cool imagination and should do this more often. Please do another one, and don't leave it so long.
OH MY GOD. I don't know what to say :shock: Except maybe.... oh god, please don't hate me, the name and the afro is all that character got in the way of inspiration from me! honestly, i'm not a homicidal maniac. Oh, and the foot standing thing actually happened. but that's it! Well done Ben, I don't think you could have concluded the story in any better way. superb!
Bugger - I am dead! Or maybe I'm not... I am having a mental crisis now!!! My girlfriend has turned into a lesbian medical professional too - HELP!!! Excellent story though Ben - Please can we have some MORE!!!!!!!! 'nk you...
[quote:0a473f0f35="Delphine"]OH MY GOD. I don't know what to say :shock: Except maybe.... oh god, please don't hate me, the name and the afro is all that character got in the way of inspiration from me! honestly, i'm not a homicidal maniac. Oh, and the foot standing thing actually happened. but that's it! Well done Ben, I don't think you could have concluded the story in any better way. superb![/quote:0a473f0f35] Ella, i am now concerned about meeting you for the DMC honey, please refrain from wearing any business suits, or having your fro chopped off by a rogue frisby otherwise it will scare all the newbies away.....
Hey you all might be dead but I'm a gullible idiot too... no fair. But enjoyed it immensely anyway and will read the sequal... its the one where we all didn't really die, because Ben's run out of characters to populate his story with because he just killed them all off in the first one by blowing us all up... It going to be a Days of our Lives ressurection right? I'm not really dead? I'm grasping at straws here.
Ooh. i missed this due to being in glasgow, blame doors. i'm also intrigued as to who is going to star in this sequel, now everyone's dead. zombies, maybe?
[quote:0f1155b61f="Delphine"]Ooh. i missed this due to being in glasgow, blame doors. i'm also intrigued as to who is going to star in this sequel, now everyone's dead. zombies, maybe?[/quote:0f1155b61f] Pirate ninja zombies !!!! (what do dentists put in their injections these days ? )
Oh My Gods. I just read the whole thing through for the first time. Wonderful stuff Ben. Loved how we all died in the end. Classic.
