What's past space?

I found an old piece of paper with some writing on it yesterday. The writing was very large, in pencil, many letters were backwards, missing and/or fictional and none of it seemed to make any sense. At first I thought I'd received an unusually eloquent letter from Rinso, then I realised that it was some school work from when I was about five.

Apparently my teacher had taught us about "Shakes Beer" that day. I was clearly an intelligent child interested in literature but annoyed by bards who go around making beer spray in peoples faces.

I quickly moved away from literature and onto astronomy, making the profound statement "we're still trying to work out what's past space but when we do we'll let you know".
I'm not sure who "we" were, I don't remember working for NASA in primary school, but at least I was generously going to tell you all when I made my amazing discovery about the universe.

So I just thought I'd ask two questions...

1) What *is* past space?

2) Any funny/stupid things you said as a child? Or a child has said to you? (Oh and for some of you, naming no names, I'm not sure that things said as an adult with the mental age of a child should count. )

1) It is the dungeon dimensions. And there are little pockets where all those lost socks, ball point pens, and keys you can't find hang out. Whatever is past space even the Turtle won't go there. Maybe that's a warning.

2) When a younger brother was about four he kept being warned his brains would fall out if he picked his nose. Dad roared with laughter when he did find something large and green and asked if the doctor couldn't put his brains back.

Surely everything past space is 'no space', aka any inner-city train at rush hour.

1.) A really big wall. With or without posters.

2.) When I was about 7 my dad was chosen by the Iowa Pork Producer Association (Note the caps!) to work the Iowa state fair where they were showing the world's largest boar. The boar was so big it could hardly move it was so huge. Dad and I just stood in the pen answering the "city-folk questions." I was just standing in the pen bored, wanting to go ride the rides when a middle aged man walked up to the edge of the pen and asked "Is that a boy pig or a girl pig" I guess I just gave the guy a look I normally reserved for my brother and pointed to the back end of the boar and said "If that's a girl she's got one heck of a purse."

a) Monkeys. But you'll have to get past space to find out what they're doing there.

b) I was about 5 and my dad picked me and my siblings and some family friends up from soccer practice (I was the youngest). Everyone else was talking about soccer and I piped up from the back "I've got pink shoes". Well they were pink, and they were new, and I was really excited and wanted to boast. Everyone just laughed and whenever a weird non-sequitur happens in my family the response is always "I've got pink shoes"...

When my sister was little the lady who ran the Head Start program asked her what the refridgerator was for and she responded with "It keeps the beer cold!"

1. I agree with Nester, only the walls do have posters. Psychedelic ones.

2. On a return trip from a band function (10 or more years ago), my mother, father and I passed a field full of sheep when my mom exclaimed "Look! A buffalo!". After some argument and a couple of miles, we flipped the car around to go back and show mom that there was, in fact, not any buffalo in that field. Just one big brown sheep surrounded by a lot of little white sheep.
To this day, if we drive by a field full of sheep, I say "Look Mom, a buffalo!" It never gets old. For me at least.

I often ponder what is past space. it gives me a headache and makes me feel weird for the rest of the day, as if the planet has suddenly become totally insane. "wtf, a giant ball hanging in an infinite expanse of infinity!?"

gah. >locates paracetamol<

and, when i was younger, i was reading something in the paper about the Bobbit incident. being naturally curious, i said "mum? what's a pen-iss?"

when I was younger and we had spagetti for dinner I could never remember what parmesan cheese was called. One day I called it Fireman Sam* by accident and it stuck forever more. It tends to confuse guests a lot.



*a childrens programme about a fireman called sam.

1. There is no past.

2. I grew up in the suburbs of Stockholm. I was a child at home with concrete. I didn't know that much about the countryside. Mom and dad knew a family who lived out in the country though, and they had children in my age and cool tractors around, so I always loved going to see them. At the time of this story I was around seven or so. The three hour drive from our home to theirs felt like an eternity back then.

I don't know why I decided to do this, I guess it was out of boredom or curiosity, but I asked their dad if I could borrow a spade. Sure I could, but he wondered what I wanted it for. "A thing" I replied and he seemed satisfied with this, and I headed off to do this "thing".

An hour or so later I guess they were starting to wonder what I was up to, so they came and looked for me. They found me by the gravel road leading from the house to the main road. I remember the hole I had dug in the middle of the gravel road fairly impressive, but it probably wasn't that deep, as I was only seven back then. Naturally, they wanted to know why I was digging a hole.

My reply was "I want to see how far down the asphalt is, this is one dirty road!"

Nice one KK !

I used to talk on the toilet as a kid. I don't really remember that much about it, but my family tells me that I would tell myself stories while I was doing my duty. The one that everyone remembers is when they heard me piping up in the bathroom, "Stinky goes boom-boom."

Hehehe my imagination runs wild on that one, Redneck.