So, today at work one of the other blokes in my team needed to take off at lunch, and I said I'd be happy to cover for the rest of the day. Normally I leave at 4, because I get in at 7:30. I do try to make sure that people know I'm willing to stay later if they want to go early, but anyway, my manager was going to be the only other person there today, and she had a meeting that risked lasting past 4. So, I was going to stay until the offices closed if she didn't come back. I even said, before she left, "if you'd like to take the rest of the afternoon off, I really don't mind staying until close." She rather emphatically said she wasn't taking the afternoon off but had a meeting to go to. I left it at that, because there's just no talking to some people. She got back at 10 past four, and I asked if it was okay for me to leave now. She was rather sarcastic saying of course, since i *always* leave at four and no one else can. I said I'm always happy to stay later, and she said she was quite offended by my earlier comment. Turns out she felt that I suggested she was only skiving off work instead of going to a meeting. At this point I insisted I was only offering to cover for the office and not implying anything of the sort, and she dismissed me with "That's not how it sounded to me." I made an abject apology but just got more flack for other people not being able to leave at four... despite my always insisting I'm willing to stay as late as I need to. I dunno... Grace thinks this is an "English" thing, where people simply expect you to do things the nice way and read their mind so they don't have to do anything as socially embarassing as tell you to do something differently. Anyway, I'm days away from finishing the major bulk of the work I was hired to do, and I've appearantly and inadvertently offended my manager to the point where she wont even accept an apology. Time to find a new job yet?
That’s what it sounds like. What are you looking for? Anything specific or particular field you would like to work in? What are you qualified to do?
Whether it's a American/English thing, your esteemed leader sounds like she is severely lacking in managerial skills. I don' think that pouting or sarcasm is part of the skills list! It never fails to amaze me; the social outcasts that they promote to a Managerial role! Perhaps a team/department switch is in order? Did you show her your cuddly teddy bear side? Freya [living dangerously, she's just back from the pub]
She's not a bad egg, by any means, but she's not always as assertive as a manager sometimes needs to be. I seem to be encountering a lot of people who've been bottling stuff up inside lately, however! Anyway, the good thing about this job is that it's only a 1 year contract. I'm at the verge of finishing it in only seven and a half months, and I've been doing good quality work. I don't see any way they can give me a negative review without verging on slander! As for what I'm looking for... the job market around here is crap. I found a trainee at a local legal firm, but it turns out the position would be working with property law and sales, which would have me in constant contact with the very people i'm working with now! I may have to look a little further afield for better opportunities. Until I finish my degree, there's not a lot that I'm qualified to do. Psychology, Education, and Journalism are the things I'm most interested in, but difficult to get into with my qualifications.
I plan on sending this email to her tomorrow morning: Dear ____ After yesterday's misunderstanding, I felt the need to clear the air regarding several matters to do with my working hours. First of all, I would like to reiterate that my comment yesterday was purely intended to indicate that if you wished to leave straight after your meeting, I was happy to stay and man the office; in no way was I implying anything else. I am very sorry that you took offence at this. It was certainly not my intention. You also brought up the subject of my working hours. I am in the habit of working from 7.30am till 4.00pm, due to comments you made at my first appraisal, indicating that my working hours must be regular. Since these were the hours I had recently been working at the time, I immediately adopted them, imagining that if this was still inappropriate you would let me know. At my subsequent review, the matter was not raised; therefore, I did not realise it was a problem. At our first team meeting, you stressed that everyone needs to be considerate of the rest of the team. I understand that, by arriving early, I allow others to have flexible starting times. I also made it clear at that team meeting, and on many subsequent occasions, that I am perfectly willing to stay late in order to allow others to go home early. This remains the case, and I am unhappy about your suggestion yesterday that I prevent others from leaving at hours that suit them. Naturally, if I start early and stay late, this raises the issue of flexi-time. At my initial interview and when my appointment was confirmed, you informed me that mandatory hours are 10.00-12.00 and 2.30-4.00, and that I could work any other hours between 7.00am and 7.00pm, as long as the office was covered. Furthermore, if I worked longer than my required hours, I could take up to two days off per flexi-period with the time accrued. I understood this was at my manager's (i.e. your) discretion. Please let me know if any of this is incorrect, or if I have misunderstood. Having been told this, I was under the impression that it was perfectly acceptable for me to build up flexi-time and take that time off. At no point was I given to understand that this should be an unusual occurrence. However, the last time I booked a flexi-day, you said that my use of flexi-time was only just within the guidelines for its use. When I discussed this with you at that time, you suggested that I look at either taking longer lunches or coming in later; you then immediately retracted the latter suggestion. However, even taking inappropriately long lunch breaks, I would still build up flexi-time if I stayed past 4.00pm. My transport situation means that I arrive at the office at just before 7.30am. Even if this were not the case, the conversation we had made it clear that you prefer for me to start early. So it appears that I am expected to start early and finish late, but still not build up too much flexi-time. I find these conflicting requirements quite confusing, and it is unclear to me what exactly is expected of me. I have tried very hard to follow all the suggestions and requests you have made in terms of my working hours, and have frequently stated that I am prepared to be flexible, and have proven this when asked to fit in with others. On occasions when I am unsure whether you might wish to leave at 4.00pm, I have checked whether you want me to stay, and have only left after your repeated assurance that you are prepared to stay. I have always tried to be considerate, and I always make sure that there is someone expecting to man the office when I am not present, and happily stay to man the office when asked. If I am still not meeting expectations, I am at a loss as to how. If I am not fulfilling expectations, or if I am behaving in a way that inconveniences other members of staff, I fully expect and hope that my manager will tell me directly, and I will adjust my behaviour accordingly. I do not expect anyone to build up resentment until they lose their temper with me. This is unnecessary. I am very upset to think I have done anything to so offend you, ____, and I apologise once again. All I have been doing is trying to fit in with your expectations, and that is what I will continue to do. If you state clearly what the problems are and what I must do to resolve them, I will be more than happy to oblige. Kind regards,
I remember talking to you in Manchester about your work Clay and you seemed to have some good ideas then about using your experience and the credits you recieved in the US towards furthering your education whilst working. I know it's a lot harder than it sounds because i've tried juggling the two but it is normally worth it at the end. If all else fails Clay you can come and work for me as a chewing gum remover from my various shoes and clothes that always seem to pick it up whenever I go out.
... give me a starting salary of 17,000 and I'll consider it. I also expect a "Golden Hello", or at the very least a "Silver How ya doin'?"
Okay, after a few glasses of "Brave-Juice", I can be quite vocal about a couple of Managers that I've had in my past and one that my Hubby has at the moment. The Teddy Bear comment was a reference to an jokey exchange we had on another thread and the other Board. I wouldn't expect you to remember; you are a God after all and I, a mere Newbit. That aside, your e-mail is very well set out, clear and to the point. However, it points out many obvious failings on the part of your Manager. Fair they may be but I wonder, given her previous reaction to purported criticism, whether an email is the best approach. These things are easily misunderstood. Perhaps an in-person approach, opening with the "apologies if I offended you yesterday" speech that you made in your email would remove the thorn from the lion's paw. Then go on to clarify your workings hours. If she really isn't a Bad Egg, she may be feeling bad about her reaction in any event. EDIT: Poor use of tense and to add Emoticon as I'm joking again
Rather than send an email, can you arrange a meeting with her? It's usually much better to discuss this type of thing face to face. An email makes it seem like you are avoiding contact with her, which sort of adds to the argument that you're not 'fitting in with the team'. (You can print out a copy of the email and bring it to you with the meeting as notes.)
I don't want to risk talking to her in person. between my tendancy to mumble, and different versions of English, i don't think she understands me much when I speak to her. As for the email... it's a lot less accusatory than the first draft.
I don't know if you have already sent this, but in case you haven't, I would rephrase that. In communication with the boss, especially in a case like this, try to sound more positive while keeping the content intact. This would, in fact, apply to the whole letter as such.
It really depends on whether you want to get out of there fast or placate her and remind her, oh so gently, that you are doing your job even if she isn't AKA handle your Manager (there I go again *slaps self*). Personally, I think that an in-person meeting would be best if you could bite the bullet. In my experience, email correspondence at work always comes back to bite you in the butt. However, if you really think that it would cause more problems, try changing the email to stress that you felt it was important for the Team that you sorted this out. Make it less about her failings (pretty difficult, I'm sure) and more about simple clarification. My thoughts would be to just go for a couple of important points at first, you can sort the rest of the crap, once you've opened a dialogue without her getting defensive.
Actually, Freya is right .. it's easier to sort this kind of stuff in person. And you have to remember to smile a lot
If its really better depends on her, I'd say. Freya pointed out quite well that she's missing some managerial qualities, obviously. Me mom was in a similar situation, and had the extra of being mobbed by all the new colleagues (who, ten years later, came running to her to moan about their problems at work as well as at home, and whose boss she is now. A good example why sometimes it pays out not to back out, even if it looks bad. She thought of quitting, even though she was the only income for a family of five at the time.) Because she thought either herself or the bosses might get emotional or feel standing against the wall when she adressed this personally, she wrote a letter (printed one) describing the problem from her view, ending on her asking for a meeting. This included the will to solve the problem in the personal meeting, but gave both parties the opportunity to breathe through and think over it at home. It turned out her boss had no idea how her colleagues had been behaving, nor what her working hours despite two kids at home and one abroad had been, etc. He was very shocked and quite backed her up from then on. I used similar approaches in similar situations, and mostly, it worked well. Personal meetings sometimes lead to one person (the boss, in case he/she has to prove him-/herself) just wanting to score and prove themselves, and in the bad cases, they don't consider wether the outcome is constructive or not. It depends on the manager though. Garner, you can judge that better than us: Will she read it as a written (=formal) complaint, or as something to work with? Maybe she's even the type who wants people to socialize with her and talk things over in personal meetings endlessly (or only preferably)? We don't know that of course. Good luck with whatever you choose, in any case.
I can see things from your boss's point of view. To me, saying "if you want to take the rest of the afternoon off," implies that you considered her to be taking the first part of the afternoon off. She wasn't taking the time off, she was working outside the office. In fact, she will probably have to put in extra hours to take catch up on all the in-office stuff that she couldn't handle while she was away. As for the time thing. I think the problem is that between 7:30 and 9:00, there probably aren't many people calling, while between 4 and 5are probably lots of last-minute "this has to be on someone's desk by 9AM" emergencies. So even though you are working the same amount of hours, you seem to have an easier workload because you're working at a less stressful time of day. Since your transportation arrangement means you can't get there later than 7:30, would it be possible for you to just hang out for a while, maybe have some coffee and read the paper or something (in a shop or maybe your company's lounge if no shops are open), and not officially start working till later? (This is just a suggestion; I agree that you need to find out what your boss wants, first.)
I have to reiterate, there is an established history here of me saying things that she does not even seem to hear. I've actually come to recognize the look on some of my co-workers faces, where I mumble something so badly they're not even sure if I was actually speaking english, and then they just have a small shudder centred around the eyebrows, and then pretend like they weren't talking to me... I'll give it some thought. I get in early enough that I'll have time to read over this before emailing it to her, and I might just print it out and talk to her about it in person if there's an appropriate time.
whoops. crossposted. there's no lounge to speak of, nor much to do in the way of chilling out. I'd just as soon get a few productive hours in at the morning and then be able to take it a bit easier for the rest of the day (consider that I'm moving two to three times as fast as the previous person to be doing this job, and my version of taking it easy can be put into context) as for fielding emergency calls, on the rare occasions when I *do* cover the phones, I'm invariably unable to help anyone. I've not been trained for anything other than my tiny little project, and in some respects it's a miracle that i know the names of the other people on my team. add to that the fact that less than 5% of the calls I answer actually have a message to leave (most prefer to ring back later of their own accord), and my use as a human ansaphone is pretty limited... and pointless.
Did you have any other major issues with her? This does seem like she's bottled up stuff, and picking up on a point where she thinks she can criticise you. The real problem may be something entirely different.
I think that both Hsing and Marcia have got to the real nub of it. We can offer advice but it really is a personal point of view. If one of my team had said the "take the rest of the afternoon off" comment to me, I would have taken it in the way in which you intended. However, we're all different with our own little foibles, whether it's how you say things or how you take them. Your workings hours may be giving you a lighter workload (I don't know what role you're in) but it seems, from your comments, to offer more flexibility to your team. I think it's strange that it hasn't been brought up in previous appraisals, if it's a real problem. EDIT: segueing rather nicely onto Sampanna's post above. If you want to stay in the role and feel it's worth your while, even if it's just as a springboard to another department, you've got to find the best way to approach your Manager. Is she a hands-on "my door is always open" type or would a meat-space letter work better? I think that Hsing is quite right that a letter would be much better than an email, in any event. Whatever you do, stress the positives and your wish to help the Team....and don't get bogged down with her problems and failings, however hard that may be. EDIT: Spelling & crosspost - but I think it still makes sense.
The letters fine, it should probably end with a request to meet and talk about the problem though... I would also probably take out the second last paragraph, I can't put my finger on it but it sounds a little accusatory and will leave the manager on the defensive just as they get to the end of the letter... I've been called into the bosses office twice in 1 month for things I've apparently said which I know I bloody well didn't! But you have to think about it, remember exactly what it is you did say and [i:08ceca01df]still[/i:08ceca01df] apologise for the misunderstanding... BTW one of these talks wasn't about what I said it was the fact that I talked for quite a while with a male student at a function (we were talking about marketing subjects and different assessments) but I got called in to question the appropriateness of me talking to a male student and whether anything untoward was happening... My initial reaction was that *yes of course I'd get hot and heavy with a student over the finer points of marketing reports* but sense prevailed... :evil: :evil: The discussion would never even of happened if I'd been male or he'd been female and its annoying that my ethics would be questioned in that way... I'll get off my horse now and let garner get his responses -- walks away for a private vent...
I know how that feels but still talking in person would in my opinion be best and if you do feel that you need to send the email, keep it short. It does read pretty well but the length of it may end up with her skimming it. That must have been fun, I just got pulled into a ethics game this week from the actions of another tutor. At least I was just a unhappy spectator.
thanks for the continued advice, everyone. News update: as soon as my manager got in today, she had to fill in one section of our team with the results of an early morning meeting, and then the other part of our team (the one guy I get along with) needed her help on something that took up most of the morning. when she had a spare moment, I asked if I could have a meeting with her today, and she said yes but then rescheduled to monday as the rest of her day looked full. I did not send the email, but I did print it out to give her as a letter (after making some changes), but I chickened out from that at the end. turns out, I've reached the end of the first part of my contract, and by noonish on Monday, I should have completed about 95% of my work. the other 5% requires talking to her about for clarification on what I'm supposed to do with it. So, my current plan is on monday to have a sit down with her and go over three points: 1) I didn't mean to offend her and want to clear that up urgently 2) I want to clarify what my working hours need to be, and am willing to change my pattern to suit her (if I stay until 4:45 and take about an hour and a half for lunch, i should only accrue a few minutes of flexi-time each day... but I'm still sitting at the maximum amount to carry over, so I'll need a flexi day off before the month's out anyway) 3) What do I do with the last of my workload, and then what do I do once I've finished that, which should only take three weeks or so. hopefully it'll proceed quite nicely, clearing the air, compromising on any points of contention, and then getting down to business. However!! there are possible complications. see, even before the unpleasantness yesterday afternoon, I'd noticed that my manager put a note in the group calander for today at 4pm, saying "___ must leave by 4pm!!!!!!!!" no, i'm not exagerating the exclaimation points. she obviously felt pretty strongly about leaving, and wanted to make sure it was clear she could. quite why she didn't just say "By the way, I need to leave at 4 on friday so at least one of you needs to stay to cover the phones." is a mystery to me, however. Anyway, after she left, one of the girls in the workgroup next to mine (the ones who said I stare at them) asked me if my manager was upset with them for any reason, as appearantly she'd been staring/glaring at them throughout the day. Now, the thing is, she could have just as easily been staring at me, as I'm inbetween that work group and my manager. so... who knows what's going on! meanwhile, I've been trowling through the want ads and will be sending out my CV to a few places this weekend...
oh, here's the revised email/letter if anyone wants to bother finding the few changes... Dear ____ After yesterday's misunderstanding, I felt the need to clear the air regarding several matters to do with my working hours. I’m saying this now in advance of our meeting on Monday so you will be aware of what I wish to discuss. First of all, I would like to reiterate that my comment yesterday was purely intended to indicate that if you wished to leave straight after your meeting, I was happy to stay and man the office; in no way was I implying anything else. I am very sorry that you took offence at this. It was certainly not my intention. You also brought up the subject of my working hours. I am in the habit of working from 7.30am till 4.00pm, due to comments you made at my first appraisal, indicating that my working hours must be regular. I had only recently finished moving house, and immediately settled into regular hours after the appraisal, imagining that if this were still inappropriate you would let me know. At my subsequent review, the matter was not raised; therefore, I did not realise it was a problem. At our first team meeting, you stressed that everyone needs to be considerate of the rest of the team. I understand that, by arriving early, I allow others to have flexible starting times. I also made it clear at that team meeting, and on many subsequent occasions, that I am perfectly willing to stay late in order to allow others to go home early. This remains the case, and I am unhappy about your suggestion yesterday that I prevent others from leaving at hours that suit them. Naturally, if I start early and stay late, this raises the issue of flexi-time. At my initial interview and when my appointment was confirmed, you informed me that mandatory hours are 10.00-12.00 and 2.30-4.00, and that I could work any other hours between 7.00am and 7.00pm, as long as the office was covered. Furthermore, if I worked longer than my required hours, I could take up to two days off per flexi-period with the time accrued. I understood this was at my manager's (i.e. your) discretion. Please let me know if any of this is incorrect, or if I have misunderstood. Having been told this, I was under the impression that it was perfectly acceptable for me to build up flexi-time and take that time off. At no point was I given to understand that this should be an unusual occurrence. However, the last time I booked a flexi-day, you said that my use of flexi-time was only just within the guidelines for its use. When I discussed this with you at that time, you suggested that I look at either taking longer lunches or coming in later; you then immediately retracted the latter suggestion. However, unless I took inappropriately long lunch breaks that greatly interrupt my productive hours, I would still build up flexi-time if I stayed past 4.00pm. My transport situation means that I arrive at the office at just before 7.30am. Even if this were not the case, the conversation we had made it clear that you prefer for me to start early. So it appears that I am expected to start early and finish late, continue to work productively at an efficient pace, but still not build up too much flexi-time. I find these conflicting requirements quite confusing, and it is unclear to me what exactly is expected of me. I have tried very hard to follow all the suggestions and requests you have made in terms of my working hours, and have frequently stated that I am prepared to be flexible, and have proven this when asked to fit in with others. On occasions when I am unsure whether you might wish to leave at 4.00pm, I have checked whether you want me to stay, and have only left after your repeated assurance that you are prepared to stay. I have always tried to be considerate, and I always make sure that there is someone expecting to man the office when I am not present, and happily stay to man the office when asked. If I am still not meeting expectations, I am at a loss as to how. If I am not fulfilling expectations, or if I am behaving in a way that inconveniences other members of staff, I fully expect and hope that my manager will tell me directly, and I will adjust my behaviour accordingly. As it stands, I am more than willing to adjust my lunch breaks and leaving times to suit the needs of the team rather than my own needs as a worker. I only wish that there had been more clear communication as to what was required of me. I do not expect anyone to build up resentment until they lose their temper with me. This is unnecessary. I am very upset to think I have done anything to so offend you, ____, and I apologise once again. All I have been doing is trying to fit in with your expectations and be an efficient worker, and that is what I will continue to do. I have checked with other co-workers to ensure they do not feel that my leaving at four by habit has interfered with their work time flexibility. Until yesterday, I could not imagine this was a problem for anyone else in the team. I hope to make amends and prevent any future troubles, and if you state clearly what the problems are and what I must do to resolve them, I will be more than happy to oblige. Kind regards,
A fellow student of "How to manage your Manager"! It does give you some valuable lessons for when it becomes your turn in the Hot Seat. Just doing the opposite on pretty much everything worked for me! Garner, this Manager of yours certainly seems to be holding some sort of grudge. Perhaps she's insecure about her job and is taking it out on you. Quite frankly, who cares. She's not doing her job properly. If she has an issue, she must raise it with you in a professional manner. It's not a kindergarten, where evil stares, grafitti and stomping feet are acceptable forms of communication [oh, Freya's off again]. However, in order to foster good working relations and given her current behaviour, you must ask yourself whether she is mature enough to react to your letter in a positive way or whether you need to tweak it to help her through the Managerial process. To my way of thinking, there are a couple of points that could be taken in a accusatory manner i.e. the fifth paragraph where you refer to flexitime and say "I understood this was at my manager's (i.e. your) discretion." Now you just know that this is going to get her hackles up; I'm guessing that she'll take it that you're reminding her what her job is. Just keep it at "your discretion". Makes her feel she's in control (We all know she's not!). It's the same thing in the ninth paragraph when you talk about "my Manager". I'd refer to her, rather than the role. In the seventh paragraph where you talk about the build-up of flexi-time, I think that she'll take this as you telling her she has no idea how flexi-time works and how to manage it. Sooth the savage beast by simply saying that she suggested that you take longer lunches as she wanted you to continue coming in early but unless you took lunches of an inappropriate length which would interfere with the working day, you would still amass flexitime if you stayed past 4pm. Then go on to say that you find these conflicting requirements confusing etc. Lastly in the final sentence you ask her to "state clearly" what the problems are which would probably remind her again of her short-comings (apart from a GCSE in glaring etc) and her inability to pass on clear managerial directions. I'd just ask her to let you know what the problems are etc. I'm not meaning this as a critique but just wanted to offer a different viewpoint. Feel free to completely ignore my ramblings.
I had a kinda similar experience a couple of weeks ago, only it wasn't with a manager, but with a former chairman of the village's society (I don't know what else to call them, it's like Nobby's cultural society only people don't come togetehr and dance, they organize stuff for the village). He flared up because I got offended about something unrelated to him and I made soothing and calming remarks because I didn't want him to get a stroke and increase my workload. :yawinkle: For better or for worse, you are going to work under her orders for the next months and she is the one who will give you a letter of recommendation when you leave. Don't be confrontational, bite the bullet and hope for the best.
Coming from you, Buzzfloyd, that's a real compliment. Thank you! I can empathise with Garner on this ......and not forgetting you as the supportive Spouse. Having been in both situations, I know just how infuriating it is! Good luck with it all..... and let's hope she takes a "grow-up" pill over the weekend.
meant to update this monday, forget why we didn't have time. didn't even get online at all yesterday. today i have a fever and can't think quite straight enough to give a proper account. suffice it to say that i think we at least cleared the air, though the insults she perceived were entirely in her own head. she was upset with me for asking if i could leave as soon as she got back on thursday, but she'd bloody said herself that i could leave if she came back before closing. she didn't remember having said that though. basicly i think she's a 'people pleaser' personality type, and the problem with those sorts is that they often SAY things to make it all go smoothly but since they don't actually MEAN them, they don't seem to remember it or let it be counted on the record. all in all, it went okay. she apologized for losing her temper, i think she accepted my apology finally. we didn't come to any clear agreement about my working hours - she simply wouldn't be specific about it! - but i did suggest that she let me know IMMEDIATELY if i did anything that might cause trouble, rather than letting it build up again, and she agreed to that. so, we'll see what happens. in the mean time, i'm going to keep checking the want ads.
Yeah good hunting Clay and don't forget that chewing gum opening is still there if you need it. Although I can only offer a bronze slap on the back instead.
"Snaps" to you for clearing the air and being the bigger person. Let's hope it's brought about a clearer understanding between you ......alternatively, that you find a smashing job in the WantAds.
