Well, Hi

Discussion in 'INTRODUCTIONS AND AVATAR TESTING' started by Human, Jan 25, 2006.

  1. Human New Member

    I'm just a new person passing through. I have nothing to recommend me, other than a fanatical obsession with Pratchett and a penchant to spellcheck before posting.

    Do I pass?
  2. Cynical_Youth New Member

    Well that all depends.

    Spoons or forks?
  3. Human New Member

    Sporks. As always. Duh.

    Edit: Hmm, needy signature.... Aha!
  4. Cynical_Youth New Member

    Right, you're in. :)

    You may want to introduce yourself fully here.
  5. Rincewind Number One Doorman

    Pfft. Sporks. A spork is just a spoon with an identity crisis.

    Welcome! :)
  6. Human New Member

    But, see, when you eat eyeballs with a spoon, it doesn't leave the three scratches at the back of the eye socket....
  7. Rincewind Number One Doorman

    Alan Rickman, the villians' villian favours a spoon in his human mutalations. If it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me.
  8. Hsing Moderator

    But wasn't that quote referring to the heart, in which case a spoon would hurt more than a knife? In case of eyeballs, a spork might hurt more. Spoons look almost designed for this special task.
  9. Sir_Gawain New Member

    Yes. A spoon would take the eue out too cleanly. A spork would tend to tear up the eyesocket as well.
  10. Human New Member

    See? Exactly! Why bother doing it if it's going to be clean? You might as well bring out the anesthetics.
  11. Hermia New Member

    Yes, because of course, we all know that there is a clean and comfortable way of removing someone's eye. If you were torturing a person, and came at them with a fork, they'd be certain to wail "Ohhh, please! Have mercy! Use a spoon!"

    No need to be bashful, Human, you are quite plainly a male!

  12. Rincewind Number One Doorman

    If we're not concerned about being efficient (and in this day and age I don't see how we can't) why not just use a brick?
  13. sleepy_sarge New Member

    Oh for heavens sake!.

    Performing human mutilations can happen when you least expect it. There you are, with a victim waiting to be horribly mutilated and you have to say "Oh hang on a sec while I go and get my fork/spork/brick", when you could just as easily reach for your trusty spoon.

    After all, who among us would be seen anywhere in public without a spoon?
  14. Guest Guest

    To be honest a spork is always going to be better than a spoon! Its a multi function tool you see. there are certain forms of food that require a fork and others that require a spoon.
    A spoon is also not much good with the whole torture thing.

    "well officer at a guess i would say she was spooned to death" doesn't have quite the same ring as "we believe she was sporked to death officer"

    You can always use a multifunction tool! a spoon is just a spoon.

  15. Human New Member

    To be honest, I've never favored eating utensils for mutilation anyway. I like to do it barehanded - up close and personal - or with an item that will actually be improved by the use. My drawing materials are a particular favorite. A good high-quality charcoal stick can retain an absolutely gorgeous reddish tinge.
  16. Katcal I Aten't French !

    **Wonders - as any true hitchhiker would if a towel would be of any use here...**
  17. Sir_Gawain New Member

    Well, if you put it over your eyes the spork or spoon or charcoal wouldn't be able to get at them.
  18. Human New Member

    Hah. You have never met my might charcaol of DOOM!
  19. Hermia New Member

    The difference is, to my knowledge no-one has ever actually been sporked to death. However, anyone with any sense of self-preservation would be very careful about saying things such as:

  20. Hermia New Member

    Something I must add here. Very sorry to admit the second of my two faults, but I am a fan of Buffy and Angel. And in the final season, Angel successfully won his first two fights; he beat the werewolf with a pen and the necromancer with a SPOON! So there. What more could you possibly need to know?
  21. scif1girl New Member

    Sporks may be inefficient, but they get the job done.
    TimeScapes - Comic Archive
  22. Sir_Gawain New Member


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